By Scott Bowden
July 28, 2005
No Laughing Matter: Recent WWE angles involving Heidenreich, Diva contestants, Viscera, Kurt Angle, Eugene—and midgets no less—make Scott Bowden pose the question: If WWE runs comedic angles and nobody laughs…is it still considered entertainment?
A Wasted Angle: When Kurt Angle reportedly pushed for a return to RAW from SMACKDOWN!, you could hardly blame the guy. Creative on the UPN side botched everything from his babyface return (which could have been a real turning point for his character) to his last feud with Booker T (bestiality sex with Sharmell?). Initially, it appeared that Angle had indeed made the right move, as the Olympic Gold Medalist was quickly put into the mix with headliners Triple H, Ric Flair, Batista, Hulk Hogan, and new arrival Carlito. (Anyone else feel that Carlito, while mildly amusing, isn’t prepared for the strong push he’s receiving?) But as we head into SummerSlam, Angle appears to be programmed with the returning Eugene, who was awarded Angle’s gold medal after escaping the ankle lock en route to winning the Kurt Angle Invitational on Monday’s RAW. While Angle’s been hosting the Invitational for a while on SMACKDOWN!, he’s only been at it for a few weeks on RAW, so I question the logic in killing the gimmick so soon in Angle’s new environment. Goes to show you the lack of wrestling psychology on the RAW creative side as well in rushing what should have been a monumental moment: Kurt Angle losing his cherished gold medal.
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Can’t you imagine Cena winning the medal (WWE Gold vs. Olympic Gold) and tricking it out, e.g., putting it around his gold chain or perhaps fashioning it into a gaudy, Super Bowl-like ring? Besides the two have unfinished business from the SMACKDOWN! side, and are such the antithesis of the other that a feud between the two would be an instant classic. I love Jericho as a heel once again; however, I don’t think anyone believes he has a legit shot of winning Cena’s title. (And they’ve already worked together on PPV with the belt at stake anyway.) An Angle/Cena feud would have been a helluva start for both men on RAW, especially for Angle, whose image really needs an overhaul. It would be funny while at the same time putting a top-notch competitor like Angle back on track in the chase for the title.
While entertaining and good for a crowd pop, I’m sure a program with Eugene wasn’t what Angle quite had in mind for his first RAW PPV. I realize that after Shawn Michaels was paired with Hulk Hogan for SummerSlam and John Cena with Chris Jericho, there weren’t many viable options for Angle. But Eugene? Don’t get me wrong: I’m sure Angle chasing Eugene will be sorta funny; however, I don’t think this is the sort of program that Angle needs to reestablish himself as the badass he truly is on RAW—especially coming off the embarrassing angle with Booker T’s wife.
I think so highly of Angle as a performer, and I’d love for him to have one last run with the WWE championship, a run he apparently covets. Granted, perhaps Angle will destroy Eugene as soon as next week, leading to another superstar coming to his aid, giving Angle a credible opponent for SummerSlam. (Triple H is the only one who would mean anything, but that’s not going to happen.) More likely: Eugene will continue to frustrate Angle during comedic segments in the weeks leading up to SummerSlam. Bottom line: The more WWE tries to feed us funny, goofy Kurt Angle, the more I want to see bad-ass Kurt Angle.
Small Package: Does WWE really need midgets as part of its product in 2005? (Hell, it was embarrassing enough for guys like Lou Thesz back in the ’40s, ’50s and early ’60s, when the NWA champ wouldn’t work the same card as midgets or female wrestlers.) I like Viscera the person, having known the big guy since sharing a locker room with him in Memphis in the mid-’90s. (Nothing to brag about there, let me assure you.) However, the skits involving Big Vis have been embarrassing—just as bad as Mark Henry’s “Sexual Chocolate” gimmick, if not worse. Adding midgets to the mix this past week didn’t help.
Lame backstage comedy vignettes, midgets and the Diva Search—it’s all enough to nearly overshadow the super-kick-ass promo HBK delivered Monday (even better than last week).
Tagged Out: WWE’s tag division has been in a shambles for years now; however, in recent months the company’s hit a new a low, with the Dudley Boys’ firing (makes sense, as Bubba Ray and D-Von were the only credible team the company had left) and the crowning of “World” tag champs Rosie and Hurricane on RAW, and now Heidenreich and Road Warrior Animal on SMACKDOWN!
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In a recent interview, Bubba Ray Dudley agreed with WWE that they might as well leave because there’s not a potential money-making feud they could be programmed into. Bubba Ray apparently sees the big picture in that they could leave and come back later when they’re not so stale and perhaps go after MNM, who should most definitely regain the straps soon. Bubba Ray chalks up the dismal tag ranks to WWE Creative, who apparently have even less knowledge of tag psychology than the singles side of the business. Personally, I wouldn’t have put off an MNM/Dudleys feud, as I think such a program could be the type a promotion could build around to get over the concept that the belts really mean something.
Buried Alive: The Undertaker administered last rites to the Hassan character at Sunday’s Great American Bash, giving the Arab-American the aptly named (in this case) Last Ride through an exposed hole on the stage. Instead of using negative publicity as a reason to choke-slam a character down our throats (a la JBL) Vince McMahon caved into the pressure from bad publicity stemming from the angle in which Hassan used “masked terrorists” to beat down ‘Taker…which aired on UPN the same day as the subway bombings in London. (Knowing how out of touch the company can be with reality, WWE execs were probably initially thrilled with the timing.) Some old-school marks have asked my feelings on the situation, citing the fact that anti-USA characters like The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Hans Schmidt (with his partner the Masked Gestapo) and the Koloffs have long been a staple of the business. I refer to a paragraph in a past column, in which I addressed the JBL goose-stepping incident: Over the last few days, Internet message boards have detailed the life of the recently deceased Jimmy Brawner, who worked as Karl Von Brauner, along with tag-team partner Kurt Von Brauner (Doug Donavon) in the ’60s. Karl and Kurt were one of the hottest acts ever to use the Nazi gimmick, often needing police escorts to leave the arenas with their manager “Gentleman” Saul Weingeroff. Was their Nazi portrayal any different from Bradshaw using similar gestures to draw heat today? Yes. The business has changed to the point that it is now somewhat embraced by a mainstream (i.e., politically correct) worldwide audience, which requires WWE to show at least some restraint in reinforcing negative stereotypes. One could easily point to Triple H’s comments about blacks (while feuding with Booker T) and the ridiculous portrayal of Japanese characters like Tajiri and Funaki and say that WWE is failing miserably in that regard. But for a guy like Layfield, who has so much potential as a mainstream star, not to use better judgment regarding his character is inexcusable.
Further, with terrorist attacks taking place around the world as well as the war in Baghdad, WWE has to realize the risk of offending not only the media but also a lot of their audience—after all, us rasslin’ fans are some of the most patriotic people in the country.
If McMahon truly believes he upgraded the tacky product showcased in smoke-filled arenas years ago, then he has to realize that a mainstream wrestling product is going to be watched by the mainstream media…and consequently that scrutiny in some cases will dictate the direction of the product. I have a feeling that eats away McMahon and company.
Actually, my initial thought on the Hassan character months ago was that it was a stroke of genius to portray him as a Arab-American who cries about prejudice and demands an equal opportunity as opposed to billing the guy as hailing from Baghdad and demanding the release of Saddam Hussein or some such nonsense. But WWE Creative just…couldn’t…resist….could they? They crossed the line with the terrorists—and at the worst time possible. If the comments on the WWE Web site are any indication, we’ve seen the last of anti-American Hassan. It remains to be seen whether or not they repackage him as a born-again American, replacing Davari with say, Dusty Rhodes.
Franchise Opportunity: Next week I’ll have a full review of HARDCORE FOREVER, the Shane Douglas-produced documentary that fills in the holes of WWE’s version of ECW history.
Limited in some respects by the small amount of actual in-ring footage, HARDCORE FOREVER more than makes up for it with candid comments from guys like Terry Funk, Raven and Douglas himself—all of whom don’t subscribe to WWE revisionist history.
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