Caged Animal: Batista has yet to cut a memorable promo, although he looked very comfortable on Monday’s RAW. It seems the company is quite not sure where to go with his character, i.e., he still looks like pretty much the same guy he was while in Evolution. For starters, “The Animal” should lose the monkey suit, as it makes him appear as if he’s still a protégé of Trips—like he’s trying to copy Triple H, who was copying Ric Flair in the role of the classy World champion. Batista, we already get that Triple H molded you and taught you how to dress and carry yourself. Now that the Animal is unleashed, Batista just doesn’t look right in a business suit, especially with those eyeglasses.

For his first promo as World champ, I would have had Batista come out in a suit and rip it off a la Hulk Hogan, explaining that Triple H doesn’t own him anymore. No, I don’t want him coming out in face paint or some such nonsense, but I do think his character should be a little more intense during promos. Even worse on Monday’s show: When it appeared the champ and Triple H were about to go at it, Batista didn’t rip off his dress shirt—his pink dress shirt—he carefully…unbuttoned…it.

I do understand Batista’s reluctance—that was probably a $300 pink shirt he was wearing; however, in my opinion, the Animal should unleash a wilder, more reckless side. Reminds me of a promo a young Eddie Gilbert cut years in Memphis years back. His fabulous partner Tommy Rich tore off his own shirt, issuing a challenge to the PYTs, while Eddie patiently unfastened each button on his shirt, staring toward the floor—not exactly intimidating stuff.

SIDE-NOTE SLAM: OK, fashion whores, don’t e-mail about pink being the new black. Unless you’re Bret Hart—or perhaps that big-breasted chick on ABC’s EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION—lose the pink. Chicks in LA have taken to wearing pink trucker hats, Ugg (or is it “Ugh”?) boots, jeans, jogging suits, etc. Anyway….

While I suppose you could call Batista’s promo on Monday progress as it appeared he was relaxed and over, keep in mind his segment was in front of a hot, loud Birmingham crowd who popped for everything that night. (According to my girlfriend, those Brummies are desperate for entertainment.) I used to cut promos in front of 500 people in the 11,500-seat Mid-South Coliseum, and it was difficult to summon any energy. In front of 500 people at the packed high-school gymnasium in Union City, Tenn. (the home of Koko B. Ware), it was much easier, as the fans there treated a USWA card like it was WrestleMania.

Simply put: One more strong Batista promo would sell me on the rematch with Triple H. Right now he still comes off like a guy who’s the interim champ.

Pop Tart : Think Batista got a big reaction? Should have heard the pop for Lita, who’s getting the biggest heel reaction the company’s had in years—despite her current babyface status. Triple H doesn’t have this much heat. Apparently, the news of Lita’s alleged tryst with the married Edge (which was the final spear for her former beau Matt Hardy), has made its way to the UK.

According to Dave Meltzer, the company tried to air a Lita babyface interview to promote the Viscera/Kane match-up at Backlash, but the rowdy Brummies would have none of it. They booed so loudly that WWE was forced to cut the promo and edit it from the broadcast that aired in the States. Since they’ve already fired Matt, the company might as well just pull the trigger: turn her heel and put her with Edge. Who knows, six months from now they could bring Hardy back for a feud. (As Vince used to say incessantly, “Never say never in the World Wrestling Federation.”) Hell, Hardy would probably be relieved that the WWE uncreative team finally figured out a way to use him. Now, I’m not sure how Kane (or Lisa Copeland, Edge’s wife) would fit in, but….

Hulked Up : The Hulk Hogan/HBK match with the Arabs at BACKLASH could use another week of buildup. Basically, we’ve seen Hogan trounce both guys by himself not once but twice, so what’s the point? I understand the problem convincing Hogan to go to England for RAW, especially for a beating, but they really needed to have Davari and Hassan do some damage to the Hulkster.

Part of it is that I’m still not buying Davari as a threat of any kind. He works just fine in the ring, but the announcers continually dismiss him as “Hassan’s manager.” Hell, this should be a handicap match—does anybody believe that Hogan can’t whip both these guys by himself? There is some novelty to seeing HBK and the Hulk team, and perhaps this is merely a vehicle to set up a brief feud between Michaels and Hogan. I mean, if Hogan’s truly going to have one last match in WWE, it will be probably be against a legend like Michaels, who’s reportedly always wanted a match with the Hulk. Can’t imagine Hogan going out against these two guys in a tag match.

Next year, he’s wrestling as Reid Flair : A rasslin’ match broke out after one of Reid Fliehr’s recent high-school wrestling matches in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. According to the Associated Press, following a bout in the 4A Western Regionals, Reid went after his opponent, with teammates and spectators in the stands getting involved. It seems that upon defeating Reid in overtime with a deciding escape move, his opponent apparently goaded Fliehr by performing the Nature Boy’s strut. Fliehr’s high school was fined $1,000 by the North Carolina High School Athletic Association, who also suspended the two wrestlers for their first two matches next season. Upon hearing the news, Vince McMahon drafted Reid for the 2007 RAW/SMACKDOWN! lottery. No wonder: unlike David, Reid appears to be a chop off the ol’ block. Woooo!

Brace yourself : McMahon is auctioning off the leg braces he wore after injuring his quads at the Royal Rumble. Here’s more on this “groundbreaking McMahon collectible” from the Auction Zone on wwe.com: “Over the last three months, the man responsible for sports-entertainment's prosperity has dedicated himself to intense physical rehabilitation… and the results have showed! Mr. McMahon made a surprising return to Monday Night RAW on 4/18/05 at MSG to announce the latest WWE Draft Lottery. Amazingly, the famous Mr. McMahon power-walk was as prominent as ever!” Whoa. That is amazing! Although the bidding is currently at $300, the Zone mandates that the reserve price is not yet met. To their credit, the winning bidder’s money will go straight to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Child’s play : I was really looking forward to THQ’s WRESTLEMANIA 21 video game for XBOX, despite the fact that it was delayed until after the actual live event had already taken place. (Think of how many units they could have sold in the weeks leading up to the PPV show at the Staples Center.) Turns out that I don’t even need to waste my time picking it up.

I turn you over to the infamous Prof. Scott Tipton, author of COMICS 101 here on the site. Tipton’s review: “I’ll admit it up front: I’m a sucker for wrestling video games. So much so that even the ones that aren’t so good, like Acclaim’s LEGENDS series, I’ll still buy and play for a while. Which is why it takes a lot for me to say that THQ’s new WRESTLEMANIA 21 is by far the worst wrestling game I’ve seen in years. It’s a real shame, too, because graphically, the game is top-rate, with really smooth animation and probably the best likenesses of WWE wrestlers ever achieved. Too bad the control engine is such a train wreck. If you get knocked to the mat, get ready to stay there for a while, because any motion with the D-pad results in an interminable rolling around the mat, allowing your opponent to continue to beat you. Not that he’ll have that much luck, because if you’re not positioned in precisely the right place, you can’t lock on to any sort of ground-based grapple. Collision control is horrible, with the wrestlers often reacting to moves that didn’t even happen, while some moves don’t even result in the two characters touching, such as a laughable-looking chokeslam that looks like you’re picking the other guy up by his pectoral muscle. And the instant replay feature is marred by truly egregious slowdowns and audio drops that are just unforgivable on a system as powerful as the Xbox. Even the little things in the game are all missed. Want to earn money for purchasing upgrades and costumes? If you don’t manually load up your profile every time you play, all that money is lost. Want to create your own wrestler? Well, he’d better not have more than nine characters in his name, because that’s all they give you. How tough is it to leave enough memory for the average name? The name problem is emblematic of an overall far inferior Create-a-Wrestler feature, much worse than on either PS2 or GameCube. While the previous two WWE Xbox games have been mediocre, this one doesn’t even reach those standards. Stick with the PS2 Smackdown Vs. RAW if you’re looking for some digital rasslin’.”

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