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CONCEPT GONE WILD -- UPN'S "THE MULLETS"
By Chris Ryall
July 15, 2003
Please, everyone, there's no need to push. Whoopi, sorry, you're close, but not quite at the front of the line. The rest of you, Kelly Ripa and the guy in the loincloth, as painful as you can be, you're not even close. No, the winner of title of Worst New TV Show of the 2003-2004 Prime-Time season belongs to these two long-haired crackers over at UPN. It's only fair, you know. After all, UPN is the Yankees of Bad TV Shows -- even if they don't win every year (and they usually do), they at least contend for the title. Remember, these are the folks who brought you HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE and THE SECRET LIFE OF DESMOND PFEIFFER, among others. They're always the front-runner.
And this year, in a rout even amongst all the other bad shows, THE MULLETS can be proud of their victory. THE MULLETS is UPN's show for people to point at when they accuse the always-fledgling network of being too "black"-centric. (I don't understand this--their sitcoms geared to the African-American audience do well for them, so why branch out so misguidedly, like they did here?)
THE MULLETS is, basically, JOE DIRT recast as a sitcom, even unfunnier, tamer, stupider, more santized and...did I mention unfunnier yet? THE MULLETS are Dwayne (Michael Weaver) and Denny (David Hornsby) Mullet, two redneck brothers from the South who...oh, wait, if UPN implies that the South contains such stereotypes as these guys (and it does), that might be bad, so we'll make it as clear as anything that this is the South...of the San Fernando Valley in California, lest we offend anyone with their car on blocks on the front lawn. Already UPN can't run with this concept, so already it's doomed to suck worse than a warm can of Pabst Blue Ribbon that's been left in the GTO's glove compartment (I don't know...just trying to get in the spirit).
You don't believe that this show sucks that badly yet? Well, let me offer more evidence:
The boys are slacker roofers whose idea of fun is to gather on their couch and drink beer with their likewise-mulleted friends and watch the new GIRLS GONE WILD.
They describe their hair ("hockey hair," it used to be called) as "business in the front and a party in the back."
Their mom Mandi, an ex-liposuction technician, is played by Loni Anderson!
They rave about Wrestlemania coming to town, because, you know, them southern boys (by way of the San Fernando Valley, I mean...no offense, Skynyrd fans!) love the rasslin' (no offense, Scott Bowden!).
The guy who played J. Peterman on SEINFELD, John O'Hurley, is a kind of rich, stuffed shirt TV personality who inexplicably falls for Loni Anderson's kind-of-white trash and kind-of-fancy character.
The boys get their mom tickets for Wrestlemania for her birthday but, through a lame misunderstanding (even for TV), end up in tank tops and black jeans at a black tie party that John O'Hurley's character threw for her. Shenanigans ensue, of course.
There's really no need to go further into the plot. It consists of a lot of scenes of these good ol' boys just liking to drink their PBR and hang out and clashing with all them purty rich folks. The guys are well-meaning, if as dim as the lowbeams on a `78 El Camino. Loni Anderson is inexplicably still attractive. It all has an easygoing vibe to it, and it really doesn't seem out to offend anyone. That said, all the sweet intentions in the world don't help a show that's absolutely brainless and just not funny. This thing might mean well, but it would be insulting to Jeff Foxworthy. It hurt my eyes to sit through it. It's on UPN, of course. And it's going to be out of style almost as quickly as the boys' hairstyles.
UPN's THE MULLETS airs this Fall on Tuesdays at 9:30 PM.
Next Week: CBS' TWO AND A HALF MEN
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