By Chris Ryall
Monday, November 21
DECK THE YARD: CHICAGO -- 6:30 PM, DIY
Debut: A week-long show that follows three families competing to make the best holiday lawn display? Hopefully it takes off so we can get a year-long show that follows the people who don't take down their Christmas lights.
LAS VEGAS -- 9 PM, NBC
The producers of this show tried to involve IDW in their comic book-themed episode here, and we didn't quite work that out. Tonight, I'll know if that was a good thing or not.
MEDIUM -- 10 PM, NBC
What's the most forced November "sweeps" gimick of them all? Doing this episode in 3D, that's what. I can't think Pat Arquette's character's bangs are going to look better in 3D.
THE BIG BUILD -- 11 PM, History
Debut: Some Nazis help build things like castles in New Jersey. Not that they've said they're Nazis, but being that it's on the History Channel and all, Nazis are always implied.
TOO LATE WITH ADAM CAROLLA -- 12 AM, Comedy
So I caught an episode with Carson Daly last week. And while Adam's show isn't the funnies thing around (especially compared to the two shows that preceed it), he showed himself to be heads above the unfunny jerk Daly, who pouted and sniped at Carolla the entire time. If ever a guy didn't deserve even to be on at 1:30 AM, it's that tool.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Keira Knightley (R)
The Late Show with David Letterman: George Clooney, Ashley Simpson
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jimmy Carter, Wentworth Miller, the Eurythmics
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Kenny Chesney, Cedric the Entertainer
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Juliette Lewis, Brian Van Holt
Last Call with Carson Daly: Max & The Attack
Tuesday, November 22
PGA GRAND SLAM OF GOLF -- 7 PM, TNT
Tiger's back in Hawaii for this year's slam, which means people will actually be watching it this time around.
2005 AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS -- 8 PM, ABC
In other words, three more hours of reminders why other countries hate America. And why some of us Americans aren't so fond of much of the music that comes out of here, either.
I'M KING KONG: THE EXPLOITS OF MERION C. COOPER -- 8 PM, TCM
Who else would you pick to narrate a documentary about the director of the original KING KONG movie than the hirsute Alec Baldwin?
MY NAME IS EARL -- 9 PM, NBC
With AD being unjustly cancelled by Fox, this is easily the start of the best comedic hour on TV. Jason Lee, as good as he was in Kevin's movies, has found the role of his career here, and Jamie Pressley is equally as good here. Beau Bridges shows as Earl's dad tonight, too. This show is the second-best thing on Tuesdays, beaten only by...
THE OFFICE -- 9:30 PM, NBC
Dwight Schrute continues to get my vote for best character on TV right now (you're close, Crabman, but no one beats the beet-farming, lazer-tag-playing karate student/assistant to Michael, Dwight), and this show continues to earn its spot as the year's best comedy, too. Expect to see me transfer my weekly love of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT here now.
THE REAL WORLD -- 10 PM, MTV
Season Finale: That's it for Austin for now. At least, until the next episode of the MTV/ROAD RULES CHALLENGE. How is it that Kurt Loder is now the hippest thing on MTV?
NIP/TUCK -- 10 PM, FX
Christian and Kimber get married today. Chances are the Carver won't be asked to be the best man. Or is that maid of honor? Or maybe one of the betrothed...?
NIGHTLINE -- 11:35 PM, ABC
It's Ted Koppel's career finale tonight, so he should finally hear more praise than he does Alfred E. Newman comparisons for once.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Sen. Barack Obama (R)
The Late Show with David Letterman: Dennis Quaid, Donovan McNabb
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Tom Arnold, Phil Jackson, Audioslave
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Tyler James Williams
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Usher, Pink Martini
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Jerry O'Connell, Christopher Lawford
Last Call with Carson Daly: Big Boi
Wednesday, November 23
LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY -- syndicated
The SEINFELD cast reunites to pretend they still like each other and to try to sell some more DVDs. Unfortunately, Newman wasn't invited to the reunion.
YES, DEAR -- 8:30 PM, CBS
Jeff Garlin decides to trade actual humor and integrity on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM for a scripted role on this mediocre show. No one tell Larry David...
FAITH HILL: FIREFLIES -- 9 PM, NBC
What's with all these country music specials lately? Do the networks think we want to see people sing the songs that most of us avoid even listening to on the radio? If so, give us Gretchen Wilson specials, not shows that feature this pop-country pablum.
LOST -- 9 PM, ABC
The nickname "the tailies" really needs to go. It's pretty lame. But those folks meet up with the cast of regulars, and yet, still no one is sleeping with each other.
IN SEARCH OF MYTHS AND HEROES -- 9 PM, PBS
Michael Woods checks out the path that Jason and the Argonauts followed, but it's probably not going to be filled with cool stop-motion animation, so I'm not sure it's worth the time.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Sen. John McCain (R)
The Late Show with David Letterman: Claire Danes, Big Boi
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Melanie Griffith, 8-year-old bug expert, Scott Stapp
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Amy Smart
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Peter Gallagher
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Regis Philbin, Maureen Dowd
Last Call with Carson Daly: Usher, George Clinton
Thursday, November 24
Happy Thanksgiving
MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE -- 9 AM, NBC
Wow, how current! They're going to feature a Garfield balloon yet again. What, couldn't get the rights to use "Ziggy"?
FANGS-GIVING -- 9 AM, APL
Great name for a marathon on this channel, I'll say that.
JOEY -- 8 PM, NBC
Hey, JOEY writers, way to go after the younger audience by bringing in a guest-star as good as George Hamilton. Man, LeBlanc must've really pissed off his former FRIENDS, since they won't even show to help the guy out during "sweeps."
A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING -- 8 PM, ABC
As if you needed another reason to ignore your extended family after dinner tonight... but still, this is a good reason.
DADDY DAY CARE -- 8 PM, Fox
Want to see something even more annoying than your own family on Thanksgiving night? Then watch Eddie Murphy's fictional family here tonight.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND -- 8 PM, AMC
Maybe it's because I saw this movie when I was just a little kid, but I still think this is Spielberg's best movie. Not in terms of technical accomplishment, although it's done well, but in terms of pure wonder.
WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY -- 8:30 PM, ABC
Tonight, you get FINDING NEMO, which is techincally the "Wonderful World of Pixar," not Disney, but it's worth watching anyway.
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND: WEEKEND ON THE ROCKS -- 10 PM, PBS
Dave Matthews and his band, who are sure to release their 76th live disc any day now, are captured here at Red Rocks, which is at least the scene of some of their better live recordings.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: TBD
The Late Show with David Letterman: TBD
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Lindsay Lohan, Dane Cook, Juelz Santana
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Amos Lee
Friday, November 25
DAYS OF OUR LIVES -- 1 PM, NBC
The show celebrates its 40th anniversary, and luckily, most people who watch this soap opera have been here since the very beginning. That's good news since 40-year-old clips sure ain't gonna bring in new viewers.
THE X'S -- 8 PM, Nick
Debut: Puddy and Wendie Malick give voice to some spy parents. Assist goes to Robert Rodriguez.
MOVIES THAT SHOOK THE WORLD -- 10 PM, AMC
Y'know, when I think about George Lucas and his movies that shook the world, I don't necessarily first think of AMERICAN GRAFITTI, but it's a good flick, anyway.
MASTERS OF HORROR -- 10 PM, Showtime
Mick Garris, who got this entire MASTERS OF HORROR series rolling, gets his turn in the sun here tonight, with an episode he wrote and directed. It also stars Eliott from E.T., sans alien.
MOVIES 101 -- 10:30 PM, AMC
Kevin Kline talks acting, and if you've ever seen him in I LOVE YOU TO DEATH, A FISH CALLED WANDA, and FRENCH KISS, among others, you know he's a good choice to talk about different approaches to the craft. I really think he's one of our best acting talents.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Nextel Cup winner
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Sinbad, the "Supernanny" Jo Frost, Switchfoot
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Jerry Lewis, Gogol Bordello
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Danny Bonaduce, Paul Haggis
Last Call with Carson Daly: Chris Klein, Sofia Vergara, Dwayne Perkins, 30 Seconds to Mars
Saturday, November 26
BEING BOBBY BROWN -- 2 PM, Bravo
Five straight episodes of Bobby and his messed-up life. In other words, your chance to once again experience the magic of what Whitney calls "black love."
ANIMAL PLANET HEROES: HURRICAN REUNION -- 8 PM, APL
It's safe to watch--this show doesn't guest-star Sean Penn, Harry Connick Jr. or Matthew McConnaughey. Just pets and their happy owners.
CROSSROADS -- 8 PM, CMT
Kenny Rogers and Lionel Richie hang out. Hopefully they don't pick up a copy of US magazine and ponder just how much weight the former Commodore's adoptive daughter has lost.
MANTICORE -- 9 PM, Sci Fi
A half-lion/half-dragon? Okay, Sci Fi, if you let anyone but me write the script for MANSQUITO VS. MANTICORE, there's going to be problems. This movie might feature the loudmouth from THE BLAIR WITC PROJECT, but don't worry, I'd kill her off in the first five minutes of my proposed sequel.
THE READING ROOM -- 9 PM, Hallmark
Finally, a Hallmark movie starring James Earl Jones, Joanna Cassidy and focusing on the most important room of the house.
AMERICAN SOLDIER -- 9:30 PM, CMT
Debut: This new reality show follows around eight National Guard soldiers as they get ready to leave for Iraq. Hopefully they're all back for a follow-up episode later on, too.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC (R)
Sunday, November 27
THE SIMPSONS -- 8 PM, Fox
Lily Tomlin does a guest-spot here, but the good news is she's not playing herself. Since the celebrity episodes are traditionally never as good as regular eps, I mean.
TOM & JERRY: THE FAST AND THE FURRY -- 8 PM, Cartoon
This new cartoon parodies a bad movie, but somehow, after ITCHY & SCRATCHY, Tom & Jerry are a just a bit lame.
SILVER BELLS -- 9 PM, CBS
Want some clues on how to best avoid overly cloying made-for-TV holiday movies? Skip the ones that are named after holiday songs, feature Anne Heche and Tate Donovan, and air on CBS. This public service announcement has been brought to you by Movie Poop Shoot.com.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES -- 9 PM, ABC
Hey, new cast member Nashawn Kearse, a word of advice--just because you, like the guy before you, are playing a felon, I'd suggest that when not shooting, you avoid emulating his bit of method acting and staying in character.
FAMILY GUY -- 9 PM, Fox
Robert Downey Jr., you're not so far out of rehab, man, so what are you doing on a show like this, that can drive a man to drink or smoke just get through an episode?
THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE: STARTLING NEW SECRETS -- 9 PM, Sci Fi
If only there were any startling new secrets about the Bermuda Triangle to actually make this show interesting...
DENIS LEARY'S MERRY F#$%N CHRISTMAS SPECIAL -- 10 PM, Comedy
Call me a traditionalist, but--as much as I like Leary--I tend to prefer my Christmas specials actually air in the same month as the holiday itself.
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions think Mansquito would take Manticore in a fight.
Chris Ryall
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