By A.K.
April 30, 2003
Hello, and welcome to my comic book column.
Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a rush this week, so … It seems like a small week, so we’ll see what we can do.
Remember: Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. For those of you who don’t remember what Free Comic Book Day means: It doesn’t mean anything.
C’mon. I didn’t go last year, so maybe I missed the egg nog and getting kissed by my comic retailer under the mistletoe, but…
I don’t even know that I have a coherent reason for not liking Free Comic Book Day. I just think I’m Scrooge about it. I don’t have the Free Comic Book Day spirit. I’m going to get visited by the Nerd of Free Comic Book Day future, and he’ll show me my grave, and then I’ll wake up and try to give Tiny Tim a free issue of IRON MAN, so…
The idea has a sound quality that if you give someone something for free, that maybe SOME of those people will want to go ahead and try s’more. I don’t know how well the LAST one worked. I don’t know about the quality of the books.
All I know is anytime anyone in comics wants to give me something, and they only want a dime for it, or a quarter, or eight-cents, or anything other than full consideration- I’m about to put on the gas mask. They might as well have SARS.
I don’t know- maybe it doesn’t mean NOTHING; it just means NOTHING to me. I’m not going to troll around a comic shop just for a free comic. But hopefully other people will, and then they’ll… do whatever people want them to do exactly… I’m still not sure what that is, either. Wouldn’t you love it if suddenly every middle-aged Oprah-watching soccer mom in this country were just to turn around tomorrow and say “Tell me about IRON MAN!!!” Just to see comic critics heads explode: “No- there’s, you’re not supposed to- but… NOOOOO!”
Okay, yeah, hurry this week:
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for the current week, as well as those products expected to
ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: April 30
The following products are expected to ship to comic book
specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative
and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for
availability.
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
DARK HORSE
BTVS #56 SLAYER INTERRUPTED (PART 1 OF 4) ART CVR$2.99
BTVS #56 SLAYER INTERRUPTED (PART 1 OF 4) PHOTO CVR$2.99
CLASSIC COMIC CHARACTERS #40 WILMA DEERING STATUE $49.95
Wilma Deering was the Hamburgler’s mistress, I think. It was like Bonnie and Clyde, only without that whole impotence thing. Instead of impotence, hamburgers, essentially.
I just typed Wilma Deering into my precious Google because I don’t know who Wilma Deering is. Here’s the second entry: “Make Wilma Deering (Brunette) your personal servant! ... Wilma Deering (Brunette). ... Most recent punishment: [then some dude’s yahoo address which I’m not going to retype?] had Wilma Deering (Blonde) give Wilma Deering (Brunette) a good spanking!”
So basically, Hamburgler steals burgers, let’s say from Grimace or “the” Grimace, however you prefer, and then instead of going home to his wife, who I’m going to guess is Wendy from the Wendy’s Franchise (he steals from her competitors), instead of going straight home, he stops off at Wilma Deerings to get spanked because Hamburgler’s kleptomania has basically created some tangled stealing-punishment synapses that have to be fired before he can overcome his Bonnie-&-Clyde-esque impotence.
Oh, okay, apparently Wilma Deering is the girl from Buck Rogers. You think Hamburgler ever “got it on” with that robot that used to go “DEEBEE-DEEBEE-DEEBEE, BUCK” or whatever the fuck all the time? I’m going to guess no. Who wants to hear that “DEEBEE-DEEBEE-DEEBEE” thing going off into your ear while you’re drunk? (I’m, of course, presuming that Hamburgler would have to be drunk to give it a go with that annoying little shithead robot -- you might disagree).
KISS ART CVR #9$2.99
KISS PHOTO CVR #9$2.99
I was two or three Kevin Bacons away from Gene Simmons this week at work. Like, a sort-of client had dealings with a guy whose brother saw Gene Simmons pass out at 31 Flavors. Which I think gave me carte blanche to spend the afternoon trying to figure out a way to sue all KISS fans ever for exhausting our patience, but … I’m not that good an attorney yet.
MAC RABOY FLASH GORDON VOL 1 TP $19.95
STAR WARS REPUBLIC #53 BLAST RADIUS $2.99
I think BLAST RADIUS is a Japanese jazz metal band -- they’re huge in Osaka.
XENOZOIC TALES VOL 1 TP $14.95
Has XENOZOIC TALES been collected before? Its sort of a “Classic” week for Dark Horse, isn’t it, between BUCK ROGERS and FLASH GORDON? XENOZOIC TALES, or “Cadillacs and Dinosaurs,” isn’t a classic series, but I remember it having had the feel of a “Classic” adventure strip.
Its about -- well, Cadillacs and dinosaurs. I’ve only read an issue or two (though I think there was a Saturday morning cartoon for a year or so), but it was some post-apocalyptic thing where dinosaurs are back, only this time, so are people… and Cadillacs. It’s by Mark Schultz -- I remember that it was old-fashioned and that it came out VERY slowly because of the very lavish art style Schultz used. Schultz actually did some Flash Gordon, too, with Al Williamson years later. Then I think he got drug into that Superman hell DC has going.
DC COMICS
BATMAN #614$2.25
BATMAN ADVENTURES DANGEROUS DAMES AND DEMONS TP$14.95
This reminds me of that new line of comics DC hasn’t announced yet, the one for girls. DC wants to do “girl-friendly” boy comics, i.e. not romance comics or comics for girls, but comics for boys, only pussified so that hopefully girls will give up the green-booty to be bored, too. I think that’s the theory. (Oh, that’s actually based on the description off the Peter David BLOOGGGGGGG: “three new titles featuring female leads that will--ideally--appeal both to male readers, and also attract that great untapped resource, women.”
Here’s the best part of this story -- it’s a new line so the line needs a name. So, Peter David recommended, on his weblog, as the story mentions, DANGEROUS CURVES! Which is a cute play on words, I think- DANGEROUS = these comics have action! And CURVES = breasts. It tells you everything you need to know, I suppose.
But DANGEROUS CURVES caused some “controversy” on Peter David’s BLOGGGGGGGGG! (God, I love that word -- can you believe people ACCEPTED the word BLOG into their lives?). So apparently DC muckety-mucks are still brainstorming for the name, but one idea they’re playing with?
”Femme Noir.”
I think the idea there is to trick girls into thinking they’re buying perfume. “Femme Noir? Is that Mandy Moore’s new scent?” And before they can get their credit cards back, WHAMMO -- COMIC BOOK!! Diabolical.
But DC still hasn’t decided -- it may be DANGEROUS CURVES, it may be FEMME NOIR, or it might be neither of them.
Personally, I like ”PLEASE, GIRLS, PLEEAAASE.” Believe me -- if there’s one thing I’m certain of, there’s no shame in having to beg for it.
The idea’s nice -- girls having comics to buy. I have no problem with the THEORY. The titles though- one of them is called iCANDY. (You have to say it out loud) (This might be something on the art end- not sure) (If this weren’t comics, that’d be a clever title, I must admit, but…) The other? BAD GIRLS!!!!
THEY’RE BAD! THEY’RE BREASTS ARE DANGEROUS AND THEY SMELL OF FEMME NOIR!!!
Anyway, they don’t seem to be DCU titles, so … what, comic shop owners aren’t going to buy them anyway, are they, even if they’re good? Isn’t that how that math usually works out? I guess DC wants that TokyoPop bookstore market, too. Its interesting seeing people try to grapple with that, isn’t it? Marvel thinks it’s the art. DC thinks its being girl-friendly. Oni comics all come with a pinch of wasabi now. Image comics likes to buy used panties from vending machines. Everyone’s chasing the Japanese.
BATMAN ADVENTURES NEWSSTAND ED #1$2.25
BATMAN HUSH HC$19.95
BLACK SUN #6 (Of 6) (MR)$2.95
CATWOMAN #18$2.50
CRISIS ON MULTIPLE EARTHS BY ALEX ROSS POSTER$7.95
GREEN LANTERN #163$2.25
HELLBLAZER #183 (MR)$2.75
JLA #80$2.25
I like those ads for the cartoon they’re running now. Not the cartoon itself -- I don’t like the cartoon at all- but the advertisements for it that are running now. It’s this fast Adobe After Effects-y (I’m just guessing -- no idea) psychedelic thing, with this soundtrack that sounds like the Streets. They ruin it at the end with these hideous CGI children, but until then, I like how it blurs past, the colors and shapes to it. Why don’t comics look like that? Why do so many comics LOOK the same? I can’t find anything about the ads online, but …
LEGION #19$2.50
POWER COMPANY #15$2.75
RESISTANCE #8$2.95
SUPERFRIENDS POSTER$7.95
If you put that by your Farrah Fawcett poster, you’ll be the envy of 1975.
You think Hamburgler ever “got it on” with the SUPERFRIENDS and/or Farrah Fawcett? If I had to pick one, I’d guess that Hamburgler would prefer the SUPERFRIENDS. Think about it- all those people to bring him hamburgers during. Both Flash and Superman could bring him hamburgers superfast, and then get right back to the sweet lovin’. Or Green Lantern could make a green hamburger with his ring hand, and then gently caress Hamburgler’s biceps with his other hand. Wonder Woman’s got an invisible jet, so … that’s great, too.
SUPERMAN RED SON #1 (Of 3)$5.95
Aw, man: have you read the Rich Johnston story yet? Go read theRich Johnston story. Seriously. It’s a very good one. What’s the point of commenting on that? Its just dispiriting.
It’s like there’s this canoe full of idiots in between two camps, engaged in, let’s say, pelt-trading. And when one camp’s rich, the canoe rows down to that camp, and everyone gets hired. And then the idiots destroy that camp, so the other camp gets big. And everyone gets into that canoe again, and just paddles on back. And the scary thing isn’t that the canoe EXISTS – it’s that you can never tell which camp the canoe’s AT. Also scary? How bad this metaphor is. Canoes? Where exactly do jobhunters travel by canoe anymore? Canada? Who cares about Canada? It’s late, so hopefully you get the point instead of forcing me to strain to think of a better metaphor…
Do you think Hamburgler ever “got it on” with a canoe full of idiots? I do. Slutburgler’s more like it. Hamburgler has a Mason-Dixon fetish thanks to Pynchon? Hamburgler’s like the guy from the Woody Allen’s the Whore of Mensa, basically, only more canoe-oriented? Hamburgler…
IMAGE
ARIA THE USES OF ENCHANTMENT #2 (Of 4)$2.95
GI JOE #17$2.95
GRRL SCOUTS WORK SUCKS #3 (Of 4)$2.95
LIBERTY MEADOWS #31$2.95
Weird: I just went to Amazon to look up “BERKE BREATHED.” And I found this Berke Breathed book I’d never heard of. Which was apparently five pages long in hardcover.
Here’s a review of the five-page book FROM Berke Brethed: “I've no idea why this "book" (5 pages?!) is listed under my name...” Kind of an oddity. (Amazon doesn’t list that kid’s book he did recently, either.)
So, yeah: Berke Brethed…
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE VOL 2 KIRBY CVR #2$2.95
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE VOL 2 SANTALUCIA CVR #2$2.95
MICRONAUTS #7$2.95
PARADIGM #8$2.95
REX MUNDI #3$2.95
RISING STARS BRIGHT #3 (Of 3)$2.99
SHADOWS #2$2.95
VIOLENT MESSIAHS LAMENTING PAIN #3 (Of 4)$2.95
MARVEL
BLACK PANTHER #58 (Note Price)$2.99
GOD LOVES MAN KILLS REPRINT ED$4.99
Apparently the movie vaguely kinda sorta almost resembles this comic, so they’re re-releasing it. $4.99’s a decent value for it, though -- this had nice art, if I remember right. Brent Anderson, who later did ASTRO CITY.
HULK LEGENDS VOL 1 HULK/WOLVERINE 6 HRS TP $13.99
Legends? Didn’t that just come out like a month ago? Was a month ago legendary now? Everything’s retro nostalgia now, even a month ago.
MARVEL UNIVERSE THE END #4 (Of 6)$2.99
NAMOR #1 PI
There was all that hooplah about this comic a few months back, that mess with the artists being forced to draw it, but now that it’s a moot point -- you want to read a comic about a guy who lives underwater? I’ve always hated underwater shit -- Aquaman, Namor, any of that. What do you fight underwater? You fight fish? Who cares if you beat up a fish? Who are you going to brag to if you beat up a fish? You’re going to brag to another fish. Yeah, since I was a kid, I never liked underwater stuff; I never liked the “superhero in outer space” thing so much… what DID I like exactly???
NEW X-MEN #140$2.25
PARADISE X #10$2.99
PETER PARKER SPIDER-MAN #55$2.25
RAWHIDE KID #5 (Of 5) (MR)$2.99
ULTIMATE X-MEN #32$2.25
WOLVERINE XISLE #5$2.50
X-MEN RONIN #4 (Of 5)$2.99
WIZARD
GI JOE SNAKE EYES & SCARLETT TWO PACK (O/A)PI
UNCANNY X-MEN WIZARD ACE ED #94 (O/A)$13.99
WIZARD ALEX ROSS MILLENNIUM HC UPDATED LTD ED $24.99
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE HULK CVR #141$4.99
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE ROSS BATMAN/JLA CVR #141$4.99
WIZARD WORLD EAST SPIDER-MAN T/S MED PI
WIZARD WORLD EAST X-MEN LS T/S XXL PI
COMICS
A COLLEGE GIRL NAMED JOE #1$5.95
I was wondering what this is -- this is some newspaper strip in Battle Creek, Michigan, I guess. I found a news story about the founder giving art tables to Battle Creek kids. Battle Creek’s newspaper calls Battle Creek the “Cereal City.”
ALICE 19TH #5 $7.99
ARCHIE AND FRIENDS #70$2.19
ARCHIES VACATION SPECIAL #5 (O/A)$2.00
ARCHIES VACATION SPECIAL #6 (O/A)$2.25
ARCHIES VACATION SPECIAL #7 (O/A)$2.29
ARCHIES VACATION SPECIAL #8 (O/A)$2.49
ASAGIRI NO MIKO MANGA #3 $10.99
BECKETTS HOCKEY CARD PLUS #4 TP$9.99
BERSERK MANGA #1 $10.99
BEST OF THE WEST #35$6.95
BETTY #125$2.19
BETTY & VERONICA DIGEST #138$2.39
BRATH #3$2.95
The solicitation for this: ”Brath is tormented by visions of the God of Stags.” The God of Stags sounds like the Taiwanese name for Tom Hanks’s BACHELOR PARTY. In Taiwan, they worship Adrian Zmed.
BUREAU MANA INVESTIGATION #7$2.99
CHOBITS ANIME COMIC #3 $13.99
CHOBITS ANIME COMIC #4 $13.99
CHOBITS ANIME COMIC #5 $13.99
The manga for this sold crazy numbers. The #35 best-selling adult trade fiction on BookScan- not Diamond, BookScan, which covers a number of the big bookstores, I believe.
COVEN DARK SISTER BAG SET$10.95
CSI CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION #4 (Of 5) (MR)$3.99
DARKNESS VOL 2 HEART OF DARKNESS S&N ED PI
DEVIL MANGA #2 $10.99
DF BATTLE OF THE PLANETS #1/2 LTD ED ROSS CVR$5.00
EDGE #13$7.95
FATHOM WIZARD WORLD 02 PREVIEW BOOK S&N SKETCHED ED$49.99
FAUST HORNBOOK VIGIL SKETCHED HC (A) $150.00
FROM THE CURVE GRAND GESTURES ONE SHOT$3.95
HELLINA ECSTASY ADULT CVR #0 (A) $6.00
HELLINA NAKED DESIRE BOX SET (MR) $39.95
HOUSEWIVES AT PLAY MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS TP (A) $9.95
I LOVE YOU #1 (A) $2.95
Shit, I’m sorry if this is coming out too late for you, but my read of this week: there’s no need to go to the comic store this week. Not for me, anyway. There’s nice books that I’d like eventually -- the new Grant Morrison X-MEN, the new Mahfood book, but … this isn’t anything to run down to a comic shop for. Maybe the books you like are out this week, and aren’t out on the weeks I like, though. Huh…
INU YASHA ANIME COMIC #20 $16.99
J OBARR THE CROW NEW PRINTING GN (O/A)$16.95
JUGHEADS DOUBLE DIGEST #94$3.59
JUNKO MIZUNOS HANSEL AND GRETEL GN $15.95
Junko Mizuno… Oh god… She’s hard to explain, isn’t she? I feel like I should be talking about Superflat or Yoshimoto Nara or shit I’m just not qualified to talk about.
Basically, her art is very pretty, very cute in a very accessible, “flat” style- people talk about a POWERPUFF GIRLS influence but I think that’s more out of convenience, I’m not sure (has she or anyone else ever mentioned Frank Thorne?)… But at the same time as her art is so “cute,” the things in her comics are just that much more disturbing because of that. Mizuno’s comics are just really screwed up, so they’re hard to talk about. But they’re at the same time, adorable. It’s almost like a children’s book. Only she has the girls take off their shirts sometimes. And horrible things happen. Horrible things.
People say that manga appeals to a different audience than regular comics. And for a LOT of manga, I have no idea why people say that. There’s nothing in SHONEN JUMP that a regular comic fan can’t appreciate; same for most of what Dark Horse publishes. But Mizuno- Mizuno is a very different sensibility…
This is probably the most interesting thing out this week. There was an interview with Mizuno an issue or two ago in GIANT ROBOT Magazine, as well.
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KABUKI COLOR GALLERY COMMEMORATIVE SIGNED ED (O/A) PI
KABUKI COLOR SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE SIGNED ED #1 (O/A)PI
KILLER PRINCESSES #3 (Of 3) (RES) (MR)$2.99
KYOKASHO NI NAI #17 (A) $10.99
KYOKASHO NI NAI #18 (A) $10.99
LOVE HINA ANIME COMIC #8 $13.99
LOVE HINA ANIME COMIC #9 $13.99
LUFTWAFFE 1946 #8$5.95
LUNA GN (A) $16.95
MANGEROTICA GN 8 SUPER TABOO BK 2 (STAR08956) (A) $19.95
MARK OF CHARON #2 (Of 5)$2.95
MERIDIAN #35$2.95
MICRONAUTS #1 LTD MUSEUM ED $149.99
MOMO CHICHI MUSUME YUN MANGA #2 (A) $12.99
MONTHLY COMIC DRAGON MAR 2003 $12.50
MONTHLY MAGAZINE Z APR 2003 $9.99
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION VOL 7 COLL ED TP $15.95
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION VOL 7 TP $15.95
NINJA HIGH SCHOOL #105$3.50
OCTAVIA PINUP BOOK 1$9.95
OGENKI CLINIC VOL 4 GN (A) $15.95
ONEGAI TEACHER MANGA #1 $11.99
PATH #14$2.95
PATTY CAKE & FRIENDS VOL 2 #8$4.95
PATTY CAKE VOL 3 TP LOVE IS ALL AROUND$13.95
POISON ELVES SKETCHBOOK$2.95
POTLATCH 2002 ANTHOLOGY (O/A)$4.95
PRINCE VALIANT VOL 47 QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS$16.95
RUSE #19 KEY ISSUE PI
SAIYUKI MANGA #7 $14.99
SHI AKAI VICTORIA CROSS ED #1 (O/A)$5.95
SHI ILL WARRIOR INNER STRENGTH ED #2 $5.95
SHI ILL WARRIOR INNER STRENGTH RUBY ED #2 $24.95
If this was called SHI ILL NANA, maybe, but … no NANA, no purchase.
SHONEN ACE MAGAZINE APR 2003 $8.99
SKAGGY THE LOST #2 (Of 4) (O/A) (MR)$3.50
I bought this comic, when it was O, not O/A? But I haven’t had the chance to sit down with it. I liked the art. I think it was some humor thing about greeks or Vikings or … ancient people of some kind. It was a while ago -- I have a small to-read pile, but this is on it. The art was good enough for the impulse buy.
SKUMM #1 (Of 4)$2.95
SKUMM or BLOG? I’d have to go with BLOG. BLOG stinks of the future. SKUMM stinks of some 1970’s era punk band. As far as ridiculous words go, I vote BLOG.
SONIC QUEST DEATH EGG SAGA #1 (O/A)$1.50
SONIC QUEST DEATH EGG SAGA #2 (O/A)$1.50
SONIC QUEST DEATH EGG SAGA #3 (O/A)$1.50
SPECWAR #7 (MR)$3.25
THREE DAYS IN EUROPE #5 (Of 5) (MR)$2.99
Buying this. I mentioned this last week, I hope: I have been completely fucking wrong about this series. I didn’t think the first issue was very good, so I’ve been hard on the later issues that have come out. The series got off on the wrong foot with me for various reasons. But that having been said:
It’s fun.
This is a fun little book they’ve put together. It could’ve gone further, it could’ve been smarter or deeper or whatever, but you know: fun is fun. Fun forgives all that.
I certainly never had any problem with Mike Hawthorne’s art -- it’s had the right tone the whole time. This series -- it just needed a couple issues to find its feet.
I don’t know what it has to do with Europe, but its managed to get that crazy “We’re trapped in a bad situation and its only getting worse” energy to it by the end; its not a romantic comedy- for some reason I though it was, and that threw me pretty hard. It’s a straight comedy- I guess the best comparison point in comics is Kyle Baker’s YOU ARE HERE(though for some reason, a month after having read the last issue, I really want to talk about Bill Murray’s QUICK CHANGE, for some reason -- this comic probably isn’t anything like QUICK CHANGE, but… Bill Murray dressed as a clown- what’s not to like)…
Yeah, apology to these guys, if they want it. Wrong on this one.
TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS EYE OFFICIAL GUIDE #1 (Of 8)$5.25
My EPIC pitch for TRANSFORMERS is for some bad guy to finally vivisect a TRANSFORMER just to prove that there’s not “more than meet’s the eye.” Goddamn catchphrase…
USAGI YOJIMBO VOL 3 SC (STAR10631)$15.95
VAMPI #10 DLX ED (O/A)$9.95
VAMPI #23-25 LTD ED SET$29.95
VAMPI VOL 2 DLX HC UNDERWORLD TAINTED LOVE (STAR17602)$24.95
VAMPIRE SAVIOR MANGA #3 $8.99
VAMPIRE SAVIOR MANGA #4 $8.99
VAMPIRE SAVIOR MANGA #5 $8.99
VAMPIRELLA #19 LTD CVR ED$9.95
VAMPIRELLA #19 LTD MODEL PHOTO ED$9.95
VAMPIRELLA #19 REG ED$2.99
VAMPIRELLA SILVER ANNIV COLL #1-4 SET BAD GIRL$14.95
VAMPIRELLA SILVER ANNIV COLL #1-4 SET GOOD GIRL $14.95
Do you know how badly you suck?
VIAGRAMAN GN (A) $11.95
Why? Isn’t that what all those Vampirella comics are for? I think that’d be rock bottom for a comic fan -- when you’re so old that you have to take viagra to read Vampirella. Oh god, that fucking churns my stomach just to think about. Some creepy old guy hunched over a copy of Vampirella, trying to rip off the child-proof cap, wearing Kleenex boxes on his feet… I don’t know why I turned the old guy into Howard Hughes there at the end, but yeah, why not, Howard Hughes needing to be medicates to self-pleasure himself to badly drawn vampire girl comics -- that’s my Free Comics Day Free Happy Fun Image of the Day…
WHEN REALITIES COLLIDE$2.95
WILD KINGDOM #16 (A) $3.50
WITCHBLADE #51 CHING SIGNED & SKETCH ED PI
WRETCH VOL 1 TP$13.95
YU GI OH MANGA #4 (O/A) $7.95
YU GI OH MANGA #5 (O/A) $7.95
CONCLUSION
Hurry.
Thanks.
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