By A.K.
April 9, 2003
TITLE BOUT
Man, I can’t think of how to start this week’s column. I can’t even remember this last week. Where was I? What was I doing? Was I thinking about Captain America?
Current events? As far as I can tell, we maybe did or did not kill Saddam Hussein, who I thought was already maybe supposed to be dead or not dead from the first time we tried to kill him; therefore, as I can tell, from what I gather from FOX NEWS, we might have blown up his corpse?
Basically, my grasp of current events at the moment is that it’s starting to slowly resemble the plot to the sequel to WEEKEND AT BERNIES, the unfortunately-named WEEKEND AT BERNIES 2, or as the ancient Romans called it, WEEKEND AT BERNIES II.
While I may not have been thinking of Captain America, I must admit, someone was thinking of Captain America: THE NATIONAL REVIEW! Michael Medved -- remember when the movie studios just made up that reviewer? I’d rather read the made-up guy than Michael Medved. He’s basically a pseudo-movie reviewer for right-wing morality-fascists; my impression is he’s more a half-wit hatchetman than movie reviewer.
As somewhat widely reported, he’s now written “CAPTAIN AMERICA, TRAITOR?” Why? The real answer is Marvel had a popular movie; they made enough money to get on some controversy hound’s radar. Any other explanation gives this guy too much credit. But what it is: Marvel published Captain America comics that apparently gave an Arab character some dialogue, which in the current cultural climate means Captain America is a Hitler-Loving Queer Traitor now, to borrow a DAILY SHOW expression.
The part of the article I found interesting was the byline: “This piece was prepared with the assistance of Michael Lackner as part of a research project for the Foundation for the Defense of Democracies, a nonprofit, bipartisan think tank on terrorism.”
Regardless how you feel about the politics of Captain America comic books, or the war, or the failure of Hollywood to ever team Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman in other comedies regardless of their palpable fucking comedic chemistry…
Am I the only one concerned that the THINK TANK ON TERRORISM and DEFENDING DEMOCRACY is busy sitting around reading Captain America comic books? Could those guys please put the joint down, forget about Captain America for five seconds, and figure out how to keep Saudis from flying airplanes into buildings?
Comics should be happy, though because we’re all raised with “That Bastard Wertham” stories. The five-second history: Back in the 50s, kids liked comic books. Seriously -- they were very popular. For serious: do you know there was a ROMANCE COMIC GLUT in the 1950s, for a little while? Shit like that would happen because kids liked comics back then. All that changed after a child psychologist named Frederick Wertham pointed out that Horror Comics were Scary, and Batman and Robin were probably having bat-sex with each other.
Senate hearings were called or a panel was convened or something very civics-class-y how-a-bill-becomes-a-law happened, much like in an episode of Schoolhouse Rock I suppose, but before the government did anything, the industry self-censored itself, neutering comics into oblivion. And that’s why all the comics we read now are shitty, kids hate them, and they’re now solely the province of maladjusted gnats wasting their lives on the internet. The End.
And if you’ve read comics for any length of time, you’ve heard that story OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER because its not just history anymore -- it’s the Get Out of Jail Free Card for these guys. “I’d love to write a cool comic, but back in the 50s, that Bastard Wertham ruined it for all of us, so… in the meantime, I have this idea for a comic about a kid in high school who’s a loser but he has powers, so … but man, if I were alive back then, I’d have socked that guy in a jaw.” Never mind that the guy’s as dead as the Bernie, of WEEKEND AT fame…
Well, here we go -- here’s the closest comics have got to the Red Scare. The blacklists aren’t as impressive -- I think there’s a big difference between Zero Mostel and some guy who maybe used to be on MASH. (How is that MASH guy still a celebrity? I wouldn’t recognize him if he were acting out old episodes of MASH with Alan Alda in my apartment, celebrity, my ass).
Medved’s not as interesting a threat as Wertham. Still, after 50 years of that goddamn story, you think comics would just be ITCHING for a fight. You think they’d be like Psycho from STRIPES -- “Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you.” And the full quote about history repeating itself, if I remember it right, mentions the second time being a farce anyway… I think quoting Marx in the same paragraph as Francis from Bill Murray’s STRIPES would be profoundly disrespectful to the genius of Bill Murray though. God, when he shoves that entire cake in his mouth in GROUNDHOG DAY? Genius…
I’m looking forward to seeing some serious “Socking” getting laid on that fool’s ass. People should be tripping over each other to lay into Medved.
Other funny thing about the National Review talking about comics is that it obscures something: ROLLING STONE has put out its new COOL ISSUE. I always get the COOL ISSUES, and usually, SOMETHING in comics is cool. One year was Frank Miller, the next was Garth Ennis’s FURY, etc. This year?
…
There’s an article on political comic strips, highlighting Tom Tommorow, Aaron McGruder (who’s BOONDOCKS is being censored by newspapers for seriously INNOCUOUS jokes) (I like how the exact same fuckers burning DIXIE CHICKS CDs and banning funny page strips were complaining about political correctness just a few years ago; I like that), David Rees (who’s fucking amazing), Ted Rall, and Lalo Alcaraz.
But that article is distinctly OUTSIDE the COOL part of the issue. As if it had its nose pressed up against the window to the prom. Its very much outside the foursquare boundaries of the cool part, so I don’t think we can talk about it in connection with the COOL EVALUATION of the Rolling Stone editorial staff (who, incidentally, suck it anyway, but that’s neither here nor there).
I think its at least telling that the COOL COMIC this year, even at best definition, wasn’t a comic book. Whether there’s a difference between comic strips and books… I don’t think so, but… well, they’re kissing cousins, at least. In certain Southern states, they’d be married and have beautiful, web-toed children. But I’m not sure.
The COOL comic book-related thing this year is therefore NOTHING. NOTHING about comic books is cool this year. Th-thanks, Rolling Stone.
So: the NATIONAL REVIEW has lots to say about comic books, ROLLING STONE doesn’t have time to talk about comic books, and Saddam may be getting dragged around Iraq by Andrew McCarthy. God, I sound like one of those idiotic quotes that everyone thinks are so genius: “You know times are funny when the best golfer’s a black guy, the best sex astronaut is Puerto Rican, the French aren’t talking about their stupid cheese, and your girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck me. Oh, what strange days!” How do those quotes go? I forget, but while always charming, not wanting to sound like of those stupid fucking quotes in my daily life, thanks…
How upset can you be that ROLLING STONE doesn’t think you’re cool, when the cover of the cool issue is Lisa Marie Presley? Just to remind: Lisa Marie Presley married Michael Jackson, then was married to Nicholas Cage for about, what, six weeks, and is now skanking herself on any magazine cover that’ll have her. Comic fans, etc. always talk about wanting mainstream acceptance. Yikes, they can have it. This magazine… not to be cruel, but: she’s not just crazy; she’s also really quite UGLY. I’m not the best judge of beauty perhaps, but Jesus, I’d feel bad for her if I saw her at a bar. “That poor woman -- she shouldn’t be here. There are European guys in gold chains she hasn’t even seen coming -- she should run.”
Fuck, let’s start this stupid thing…
DIAMOND COMICS SAYS
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for
the current week, as well as those products expected to
ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: April 9
The following products are expected to ship to comic book
specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative
and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for
availability.
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
DARK HORSE
BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL FALL FROST (PART 6 OF 6) #78 (MR) $2.99
DEVILS FOOTPRINTS #2 (Of 4) $2.99
I’m sure I’ve said this before, but devil isn’t a scary word. Satan -- maybe scary. Beelzebub -- a little silly, but possibly scary. But the devil? Not scary. DEVILS FOOTPRINTS could be an MC HAMMER dance move for all I know. Hammer could have integrated the DEVILS FOOTPRINTS into his act quite smoothly, I’d argue. Somewhere between “PRAY” and “THE ADDAMS FAMILY RAP.”
So Dark Horse has a horror line that they’re just not promoting now? Do they promote any of these books? I think I heard that BLACKBURNE COVENANT was good, even. How do you promote a comic, anyway? I have no clue.
GHOST IN THE SHELL 2 MAN MACHINE INTERFACE #1 NEW PRTG $3.99
GHOST IN THE SHELL 2 MAN MACHINE INTERFACE #2 NEW PRTG $3.50
GHOST IN THE SHELL 2 MAN MACHINE INTERFACE #3 (MR) $3.50
I don’t like this comic book, but I like that it’s insane. It’s basically insane. There are these little notes from the author crammed into the corners of pages from the author complaining about his drawings and trying to explain obscure details about the plot. Like, you’ll see a drawing of the girl fighting robots, and there’ll be a little note saying something just completely unnecessary: “Canned Soup is really quite popular in the year 2030 amongst the robot proletariats, but I couldn’t figure out a way to draw a can of chicken noodle into the robot’s flux engines.” It’s not a good comic, but I like that its insane.
GRENDEL GOD & THE DEVIL #3 (MR) $3.50
This comic is about how MC Hammer found god after having danced the DEVILS FOOTPRINTS one time too many. Its nice to see comics address issues of faith for a change.
METROPOLIS TP $13.95
SHADOW STAR NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH TP $14.95
STAR WARS A LONG TIME AGO VOL 5 FOOLS BOUNTY TP $29.95
STAR WARS EMPIRE #7 $2.99
STAR WARS REPUBLIC #52 $2.99
STAR WARS PROPORTIONAL REPRESENTATION was my poli-sci T-A’s favorite. That way the Wookies could be in a coalition with the Jawas and the Green Party.
I got nothing this week. Oh man, I’m on Empty. HOOOO -- Jesus. I’m only through Dark Horse. DO you have any idea how long these lists are? They go on FOREVER, and I got NOTHING to talk about. How are these lists always this long every week? Doesn’t anyone ever go on vacation?
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, right, fuck the Green party. You put those assholes in power -- six months later they’d be snorting rainforest off some vegan hooker’s tits. The only difference is Ralph Nader’s make the vegan hooker wear a seat belt, which is kinky, but hardly of socioeconomic import. I already don’t want to hear word one out of those people’s lips a year from now. God, that next election is going to be unbearable. Just dreading having to watch it.
DC COMICS
ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #615 $2.25
AQUAMAN #5 $2.50
ASTRO CITY LOCAL HEROES #2 (Of 5) $2.95
AUTOMATIC KAFKA #8 (MR) $2.95
I don’t like this comic, but I like that it’s insane. I read the last couple issues of this on whim. I don’t care for the story or the characters or even the style. And yet…
Well, first off, I’ve started to like Ashley Wood’s work. I can’t say it’s terribly clear storytelling or anything like that. I can’t call it “Great sequential art,” whatever that is. I can’t say I always “understand what I’m looking at,” or whatever the kids are calling it. Again, I like the “insane” thing; I like how he’s seem to cornered the drawing-lots-of-naked-women-into-superhero-comics niche. Most artists -- there’ll be dull page after dull page of people talking because the writers don’t know they’re writing comic books? But Wood -- I feel like there’s just naked women in any little nook and cranny, like if I stare long enough, I’ll see a 3-d one like one of those paintings at the mall. And Joe Casey writes this, so you know all those naked women are all completely fucking high, too. So, what, how important is plot or character compared to that? I think I should’ve been supporting this comic book from the start, shit.
Its just surprising that anyone would put that much energy towards something so inherently iffy as this comic, let alone convince a major publisher to go along with a book who’s premise doesn’t seem much deeper than “a robot that’s high a lot.” I like that it’s so INCREDIBLY slight, VERY slight, and yet so palpably impressed by itself. There’s something very likable about that. Its like -- I remember rooting for the Vince Vaughn character from MADE, while at the same time I really thought he’d probably get shot to death at some point. I can’t imagine this book not getting cancelled at some point, and its retarded, but I kinda want to root for it just because it’s…
It’s the naked drunk lady at the Oliver Cromwell party, you know? Only shitty. I mean, is it any better than an issue of some more ordinary superhero comic? Not the issues I read -- they were basically just bad superhero comics with drugs and sex spliced in(and inexplicably, tennis, which I thought was a nice touch), but… So, yeah, I think this is bad, but I’m rooting for it now. Do you remember that movie RUDY? This comic? Sort of like Rudy from RUDY. Only shitty. Look: it’s complicated, but maybe I was wrong on this comic book.
BATGIRL YEAR ONE #5 (Of 9) $2.95
I don’t like this comic, but I like that it’s insane. It doesn’t have the letters C, L, I, or T in it anywhere, it just puts little underscores “_” where they would go, in order to protest the lack of strong female role models in comics. I think that’s a little too po-mo for a BATGIRL comic, don’t you?
BATMAN LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT #166 $2.50
I don’t like this comic, but I like that it’s insane. Batman ritualistically molests the Teen Titans in order to find out which one is the evil Skrull shape-changer plotting to assassinate Doctor Manhattan so as to impress Jodie Foster. I think they’ve finally run out of BATMAN ideas.
BLOOD AND WATER #2 (Of 5) (MR) $2.95
I don’t like this comic but I like that it’s insane. It’s about twins that when they touch hands, one turns into a giant WHITE syringe, while the other turns into blood infected with the mad cow disease. Then they run around injecting evildoers? Which is a pretty disturbing image, but you have to admire them for trying to think up new superpowers after all these years.
FABLES #12 (MR) $2.50
I don’t like this comic, but I like that it’s insane. Elaborate theories about how the Queen of England runs the world are best left to Lyndon Larouche. The endless talk about the Trilateral Commission, or how the Federal Reserve actually runs Marvel from a bunker deep in Camyrn Manheim’s ass-crack -- these are all theories that’ve been denied steadily for years by both Alan Greenspan and Camryn Manheim. If “New Marvel” weren’t so interested in keeping the controversy alive to sell comics, then DC could cancel FABLES tomorrow.
GEN 13 #8 $2.95
I don’t like this comic, but I like that it’s really truly shitty. Wait, no I don’t.
GOTHAM CENTRAL #6 $2.50
I don’t like this comic, but I like that I don’t buy it.
GREEN ARROW #23 $2.50
I like this comic, but I don’t like it-like it. GREEN ARROW tried to dry hump me once underneath a blanket at this picnic we were at with friends, when no one was looking, you know? Thinking I’d reciprocate… but I totally kneed it in the groin, so… I just don’t feel that way about it.
HARLEY QUINN #31 $2.50
Like, don’t like -- shit, man, I’m seriously always just surprised that this is being published. “Oh, yeah, they actually publish this? Far out, man.” THIRTY-ONE MONTHS IN A ROW this fucker’s caught me by surprise!!
HUNTER AGE OF MAGIC #22 (MR) $2.75
I don’t like this comic, but I like that I don’t like this comic. Self-esteem, kids. Remember: You’ve got to love yourself before you can fool other people into loving your awful, ugly ass. Otherwise, you just blow the whole swindle.
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES ARCHIVES VOL 12 HC $49.95
LUCIFER VOL 4 THE DIVINE COMEDY TP (MR) $17.95
MAD MAGAZINE #429 $3.50
SCOOBY DOO #71 $2.25
I took a late lunch the other day, and turned on the new episodes they’re making of SCOOBY DOO in the office kitchen. Interesting fact: the soundtrack to the new SCOOBY DOOS? THE DONNAS. THE DONNAS were singing a song while Shaggy and Scoobs were running from some baseball playing ghost.
You’ll remember the DONNAS from such hits as “TAKE ME TO THE BACKSEAT,” “DO YOU WANNA HIT IT?” and “YOU WANNA GET ME HIGH.”
STORMWATCH TEAM ACHILLES #10 (MR) $2.95
SUPER FRIENDS BATMAN MAQUETTE $89.95
SUPERMAN AND BATMAN GENERATIONS III #4 (Of 12) $2.95
IMAGE
HEIRS OF ETERNITY #1 (Of 4) $2.95
JACK STAFF #2 $2.95
LOVEBUNNY AND MR HELL SAVAGE LOVE $2.95
VENTURE #3 $2.95
MARVEL
There’s some news just coming out about Marvel’s lawsuit with Sony. Looks like a mess, but you’ll understand if I’m not in the mood to look at lawsuits this evening. Some Los Angeles Superior Court judge is calling it the “Mother of All Contract Disputes.” Here’s the thing to understand about that: Los Angeles County? Heart of the entertainment industry for the WORLD. Therefore? They see a LOT of crazy entertainment-related contract disputes. So, they really shouldn’t usually be IMPRESSED by how fucked up a lawsuit is, I don’t think. I haven’t looked at the details because no one’s paying me to, I can’t bill that time, but the judge being dismayed? I wouldn’t be thrilled about that.
411 #1 (Of 3) $3.50
This is Marvel’s attempt to cash in on … wanting peace. Okay, well, this seems to have good motivations. That said, man, I just have this gut level STAY AWAY from this comic that’s just overwhelming. “This is a comic about wanting peaceful resolutions to problems, instead of violent-“ and like that, I’m out like a light. I hear peaceful resolutions, and its ZZZZs like I’ve just guzzled a bottle of Nyquil.
I just imagine myself sitting on my couch, saying “Yes, but what does CHUCK AUSTEN have to say about the possibility of world peace?”
…
Its really Marvel’s diabolical way of getting us to want to buy comics about Wolverine rip people to shreds. “It doesn’t have any of that peace shit in it, does it? SOLD!”
Marvel’s potty-trained me too well to demand violence in my comics. If anything, I’m disappointed comics aren’t more violent. I honestly, without any exaggeration, believe that comics aren’t nearly violent enough. Marvel’s abandoning me, after all these years…
BLACK PANTHER #57 (Note Price) $2.99
CAPTAIN AMERICA #12 $2.99
Traitor!!! Man, if Captain America doesn’t love America, he can leave it. Love it or leave it, Captain America!!! Fucking traitor. I hear this issue’s all about Captain America teaming up with Hitler’s ghost (imprisoned in the Cosmic Cube, you’ll recall) to laugh at dead American POWs and plot how to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge.
Oh man, wouldn’t it be great if Marvel, ever-adoring of controversy, decided the best way to get controversy would be to have Captain America sell out America?
THIS ISSUE: Captain America and Barbara Streisand team up to convince your young children’s gay-agenda promoting schoolteachers to blow up the nearest Federal Building!
TRAITOR COMICS -- why not? Every town I’ve ever been to has some VILLAGE VOICE-affiliated alternative paper basically talking about how America is the reason babies cry when they leave the womb. They must serve some market besides people who want the stripper/whore ads in the back -- I’ve always loved that casual mix of extreme left politics and stripper/whore ads. Traitors -- they buy things. Tickets to Janeane Garofalo comedy slams at the local latte hole. Madonna CDs on record. Et cetera. Who speaks for the lucrative traitor market in comics?
ESSENTIAL INCREDIBLE HULK VOL 1 TP NEW PTG $14.99
EXILES #25 (Note Price) $2.99
HUMAN TORCH #1 $2.50
Is that one of those TOONAMI books? What’s that line called? TSUNAMI? TOYNAMI? Eh, nevermind.
INCREDIBLE HULK #52 $2.25
IRON MAN #67 (Note Price) $2.99
MARVEL UNIVERSE THE END #3 (Of 6) $2.99
PUNISHER #24 $2.99
THOR #62 (Note Price) $2.99
Were there price increases on the low-selling books? We have to NOTE PRICES on BLACK PANTHER, IRON MAN, and THOR. Why? Looks like a price increase. So, wow, before Marvel wasn’t getting $2.25 of my money, and now they’re not getting $2.99 of my money. Hmm, I feel pretty good about that. I’ve just sat here, and somehow my disdain has appreciated in value. If only I could put aside a little piece of my paycheck into my disdain every month -- I could retire in months. A 401-you-think-I’ll-buy-what plan? FINANCIAL GENIUS!
ULTIMATE ADVENTURES #3 $2.25
UNCANNY X-MEN #421 $2.25
WOLVERINE XISLE #2 $2.50
X-MEN RONIN #3 (Of 5) $2.99
X-MEN UNLIMITED #43 $2.50
WIZARD
DAREDEVIL ACE ED #1 $13.99
DF ULTIMATE X-MEN SGN #22 $29.99
TOY WISHES SPRING 2003 TOY BUYERS GUIDE $2.99
WIZARD X-MEN SPECIAL WOLVERINE EMMA FROST CVR $4.99
WIZARD X-MEN SPECIAL X-MEN 2 PHOTO CVR $4.99
COMICS
AP HOW TO DRAW MANGA SUPERSIZED VOL 2 TP $21.95
This is the best way to a comic book fan’s heart that I’ve ever seen. “SUPERSIZED? Just like my French fries! SOLD!”
ARCHIE MYSTERIES #27 $2.19
ART OF FOO SWEE CHIN MINI PRINT ED $5.00
Is that the ancient Chinese art of cleaning your apartment in order to keep evil spirits away? No, I seriously think comics would have been a much better place if only Stan Lee had put wind chimes in the northeast corner of his Striperella planning room.
(NOTE: Stan Lee’s doing a comic about Pamela Anderson being a crime-fighting stripper. The good news is there’s not some random Z jammed into her name because he does that a lot lately -- big fan of the random Z, the Stan Lee).
In happier news, the US prison population hit 2 million. Here’s the part about that story that people in comics haven’t picked up on yet, but they should: ”A total of 7,248 jailed inmates and 3,055 state prisoners were younger than 18.”
There’s a CAPTIVE audience with time on their hands to sell comics to. Where are the prison-kid comics? Here’s my pitch to Epic: a superhero called SHANKMAN. His secret identity could be Neal Shankman, but when someone “steps to him” or if Spiderman tries to make him his bitch, giant SHANKS come out of his fists like WOLVERINE and he just goes and shanks that fool…
Every news story is just a little sales opportunity. ABC: Always Be Closing. COFFEE’S FOR CLOSERS!!!
ARTBABE PRESENTS LA PERDIDA #3 (MR) $4.95
Buying this. I like this book -- it’s about an American girl who moves from Chicago to Mexico City. It’s by Jessica Abel, who’s one of the better slice-of-life people. When the very excellent radio show THIS AMERICAN LIFE did a comic, Jessica Abel drew it, if that gives you any sense of things. Anyway: I like this book. I’m not really sure why here. I like that there’s some hook to it, that it’s not just “my boring ass life,” but that there’s a story that’s progressing along as well… The second issue had a political aspect to it that was sort of curious, but I’d rather wait to read the third issue to see where she’s going with it.
ARTESIA AFIELD #1 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA AFIELD #2 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA AFIELD #3 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA AFIELD #4 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA AFIELD #5 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA AFIELD #6 (Of 6) (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA ANNUAL #2 (O/A) (MR) $3.95
O/A means OFFERED AGAIN. So -- if this seems desperate to anyone… I didn’t notice it OFFERED THE FIRST TIME, no, but I’m sure its very nice?
BEACH SAFARI GN $9.95
BRUTAL PLANET #1 MINI PRINT ED $5.00
CARDCAPTOR SAKURA MASTER OF THE CLOW VOL 4 GN (Of 6) $9.99
COOS WORLD #2 $13.99
COUNTER OPS #1 $3.95
COURTNEY CRUMRIN & THE COVEN OF MYSTICS #4 (Of 4) $2.95
COWBOY BEBOP SHOOTING STARS VOL 1 GN (Of 2) $9.99
DAYS LIKE THIS GN $8.95
Oh, this is something about 1950s/1960s girl bands from Oni. It’s gotten some decent advanced reviews, though I’m not sure how eager I am to read DREAMGIRLS the comic. Hmm, might be worth a look -- I’ll probably might possibly buy this. I dunno.
DF BATMAN LOEB SGN #612 $19.99
DF THUNDERCATS RETURN ALT CVR SGN #1 $24.95
DF ULTIMATES #1-6 SET SGN $99.99
DF WONDER WOMAN SGN #189 $19.99
DISPERSION TP #1 $13.99
EVIL EYE #10 (RES) (MR) $3.50
FELLINI SOGNATO TP (MR) $22.99
Were the tits in comics not big enough that they’ve got to invoke FELLINI now? What is this?
FOREVER REALMS #1 $2.95
FOREVER REALMS SP ED CVR #1 PI
FORGE #13 $7.95
FURRLOUGH #122 $2.99
GENE FUSION #2 $2.95
Buying this. This issue is about a team up with “Mean” Gene OKERLUND? Remember that guy -- the announcer from WWF? They’re bringing him back -- its part of that 80s nostalgia. Anyway, no: this is a comic from Beckett Comics about gladiator-like fights between genetically engineered monsters.
GENUS #58 (A) $3.50
GENUS GREATEST HITS VOL 3 (A) $5.99
GOLD DIGGER #41 $3.50
GUNDAM THE ORIGIN #5 $7.95
GUNDAM WING LAST OUTPOST VOL 3 TP (OF 3) $9.99
HAIR HIGH GN (MR) $10.95
Is this the sequel to METHOD MAN’s HOW HIGH? Method Man’s trying to cash in on some of that BARBERSHOP money? I’d go see that. Method Man’s funny `cause he’s high all the time. If only Method Man would team up with the high robot from Automatic Kafka -- HOW HIGH VERSUS THE ROBOT could be very big for everyone involved.
HAPPY MANIA VOL 1 GN (Of 5) (MR) $9.99
HEAVEN SWORD & DRAGON SABRE GN #6 $13.95
HELLINA #0 (MR) $3.50
HELLINA #0 HARD RULER ED (MR) $5.95
HELLINA ADULT CVR #0 (MR) $6.00
HELLINA ADULT ORGY CVR #0 (A) $6.00
HELLINA FILLION CVR #0 (MR) $3.50
HELLINA GENESIS BOX SET (MR) $39.95
HELLINA HELLS ANGEL BOX SET (MR) $39.95
HELLINA KISS OF DEATH BOX SET (MR) $39.95
HELLINA WRAPAROUND CVR #0 (MR) $3.95
JESUS! Look at all that goddamn HELLINA shit. Hey, look -- HELLINA ADULT costs the same as HELLINA ADULT ORGY. You think you’d have to pay more for an orgy. HELLINA HARD RULER edition? The comic so dirty even the ruler’s hard? That’d be the best ad pitch ever!
INFERNO MAGAZINE #35 $6.95
INU YASHA VOL 13 TP $8.95
IRON WOK JAN GN #4 $9.95
JANES WORLD #4 $2.95
JUGHEAD #150 $2.19
KISOTENGAKU PHANTASMAGORIA TP #3 (Of 3) $13.99
KISSERS GN NEW PTG $16.95
KODOCHA VOL 6 SANAS STAGE GN (Of 10) $9.99
LA NOTTE DELL ALLIGATORE TP $13.99
LA VITA NON E MALE MALGRADO TUTTO TP $14.99
Huh… do you notice that… well, I’m sure it’s just my imagination…
LATEX ALICE SP ED #0 PI
#0? Terrific because Latex Alice’s past was really bugging me. Who was she BEFORE she became Latex Alice? A prudish WOOL ALICE or COTTON ALICE which breathes nice in the summer? I’d guess cotton but I live in a warmer climate so that could just be my own trip, you know?
LAUGH DIGEST #183 $2.39
LIKEWISE #1 (O/A) (MR) $4.95
MANGAZINE #42 $9.99
MARMALADE BOY VOL 6 GN (Of 8) $9.99
MARSHAL LAW BLOOD SWEAT AND FEARS GN (MR) $24.95
MEN OF MYSTERY #39 $6.95
MONKEYSUIT VOL 4 IN SEARCH OF MONKEYSUIT (MR) $9.95
MUTANT TEXAS TALES OF SHERIFF IDA RED TP $11.95
MYSTIC #35 $2.95
NEOTOPIA #3 $3.95
NVN SP ED CVR #1 PI
PIANO TUNER GN (A) $10.95
…. What? Interesting title.
R A SALVATORE DEMON WARS TRIAL BY FIRE #5 (Of 5) $2.95
RAIJIN COMICS #18 (MR) $4.95
RAVE MASTER VOL 2 GN (OF 18) $9.99
You will taste his glow stick of doom? This comic is interesting to me for a reason. Remember what I was saying about everyone in comics being old as shit last week? I think that has very real consequences. Here’s the ABOUT THE CREATOR for this comic on the other hand, which Tokyopop calls “#1 shounen (boys) manga series from Kodansha,” which … is a big deal, I’d think, if true. The most popular comic for kids? I don’t know if its true, I’d guess no, but that’s worth our attention if true, don’t you think, if for no other reason than soccer moms will someday be punching each other trying to pull the last RAVE MASTER KEY CHAIN off the shelf at TOYS R US some Christmas Eve…
Anyway, ABOUT THE CREATOR: “Mashima-san was born in Nagano, Japan on May 3, 1977. He created RAVE for Weekly Shonen magazine in 1998 when he was just 21 years old, and in 4 short years the series has already spawned 18 volumes, 3 guide books, a hit anime series, 2 console video games, gobs'o'merchandise, and has been licensed in all kinds of countries around the world. Mashima-san is quite fond of his hair (he cuts it himself and constantly changes its color). He hates caterpillars (don't ask why) and any that get in his path are just asking to be squashed. Oh yeah, and his blood type is B.”
There are a million reasons why comics in this country are what they are (SEE: SHITTY), but the “everyone in charge is ungodly fucking old” reason doesn’t get the airtime you think it would. This guy -- he had a weekly comic when he was 21. It became a success. Did the guy do what American creators would do and never put it out again? (Seriously, where is the last issue of 100%????). An American creator tastes something that resembles success and you’ll never see the comic again. This guy -- he has TWO video games, his own cartoon… he’s a YEAR YOUNGER THAN I AM!
It doesn’t say that he’s some genius. He likes CATEPILLARS. Do I want to read his comic? RAVE MASTER, are you kidding? I just think its illustrative that something’s been lost somehow. Ehhh, blame Wertham…
REALITY CHECK VOL 1 GN (Of 4) $9.99
RECORD OF LODOSS WAR WELCOME TO LODOSS ISLAND BOOK ONE GN $15.95
SABRINA VOL 2 #44 $2.19
SCHIZO #3 (O/A) (MR) $3.50
SCION TRAVELER VOL 1 CONFLICT OF CONSCIENCE $9.95
SHAOLIN SISTERS VOL 2 GN (Of 5) $9.99
SHI PANDORAS BOX RIO CVR #1 $3.50
SOFIA LOREN TP (MR) $17.99
I’m not just imagining things! Fellini, Dolce e Male, Loren, Shaolin sisters -- Its ITALIANS WEEK! What’s going on? That’s a spicy meatball … of comics.
SPECTER 7 #2 $4.95
STORY OF TAO GN #4 $13.95
STRAY BULLETS #31 (MR) $2.95
Buying this. Dave Lapham. The current arc’s probably the best this book’s ever been, or at least as good as it was when it first started (the middle years of this comic weren’t interesting to me, for some reason -- that patch of small town stories).
TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE DLX ED #19 (MR) $19.99
TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE PX CVR #19 $10.00
TERRY MOORES PARADISE TOO VOL 2 TP CHECKING FOR WEIRDOS $14.95
THE LAB #2 $2.99
This is a CGI comic by Scott Sava that Mike Kuncel’s (HEROBEAR AND THE KID) company releases. It’s about rats in a lab. Sava did that CGI Spiderman comic last year; this is better. Funnier, anyway. I’m not sure that I like the CGI in comics, but Sava’s giving it a decent shot…
TIM VIGILS WEBWITCH BOX SET (MR) $69.95
TINY BUBBLES (O/A) (MR) $12.95
A lot of James Kolchaka’s stuff is being reissued this week, it seems like.
TOKYO MEW MEW VOL 1 GN (Of 4) $9.99
TRANSFORMERS ARMADA #10 $2.95
TURTLE SOUP #1 $3.75
VAMPI #9 UNDERWORLD PART 3 OF 3 DLX ED (O/A) $9.95
VAMPIRELLA #11-14 LTD MODEL CVR SET $29.95
VAMPIRELLA #5 LTD CVR ED (O/A) $9.95
VERSO L AMERICA BARU TP $13.99
I’ve talked about BARU a lot (ROAD TO AMERICA, L’AUTOROUTE DU SOLEIL), but he’s Italian and it’s Italian week, so… Did all these comics fall off the back of some truck? Did Stan Lee wake up this week with a horse’s head in his bed? What’s going on?
WARREN ELLIS SCARS #4 (Of 6) (MR) $3.50
WARREN ELLIS SCARS WRAPAROUND #4 (Of 6) (MR) $3.95
WARRIOR NUN AREALA #16 $3.50
WAY OF THE RAT #12 $2.95
XIN LEGEND OF THE MONKEY KING #1 2ND PTG $2.99
ZENDRA VOL 2 TP HEART OF FIRE $24.95
CONCLUSION
Okay, well, there … I… no able… to write conclusion.
The fuck do I -- in conclusion, I’d like to go to sleep now?
I used to be satisfied when I hit the conclusion, but now I just know Diamond’s going to have another of these fucking lists for me in a week. Why can’t they go on vacation? Fiji? Fiji’s supposed to be very nice. Diamond would like it there. Diamond could go snorkeling, and come back and bore us with its vacation pictures.
Yeah, Diamond would probably wear a thong, and disgust people on the beach. If it even wore that. We’d probably have to bail Diamond out for trying to have to smuggle a pound of Fiji weed into this country. Diamond has poor impulse control.
Yeah, let’s let this week just be over now.
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR |
ARCHIVES
