By A.K.
March 26, 2003
TITLE BOUT
WAR JUNKIE
Monday night, 11:55 p.m: The guy on FoxNews has one of those John Madden pens and he’s writing over a map of Iraq. Ted Koppel’s in a desert on channel 7. CNN’s talking Basra with some RAF person. All of them are using more split screen effects to divide up the TV screen than the opening of the BRADY BUNCH: Baghdad, embedded journalist, Bobby, Cindy, Sam the Butcher, and Basra, all at once…thanks, CNN.
I got a live feed on my computer of downtown Baghdad -- traffic’s moving fine at the moment, light breeze. And I have a couple internet threads in the background. At one point, I had my television on mute, and the radio going anyway, just for the hell of it.
I can’t keep from rubbing my nose in this, man. Most people I’ve talked to seem to be doing a good job of ignoring this whole war thing. Network TV’s given up on the war -- I think the war was getting worse ratings than old reruns of ALF. A really good ALF -- the one where Alf was sarcastic?
Meanwhile, I’m just ADDICTED to this thing. Except for the solid hour I spent today staring in bewilderment at this, basically all my free time is spent trying to attain some sort of Maximum News Immersion Moment. I’m trying to figure out if there’s an internet webcam that can show me a browneye view of Saddam’s toilet -- there are webcams everywhere else in Baghdad apparently. What’s the link to Saddam’s toilet? I’ll settle for one of his “Body doubles” -– I’m no snob. I just like seeing dictator or dictator-esque people take dumps in real-time. I just need the INFO! FEED ME THE INFO!
As if on cue, CNN becomes a commercial for Miracle Gro Potty Mix. Get out of my skull, CNN! Flip over to Nightline to catch Ted Koppel quoting Jack Nicholson A FEW GOOD MEN lines on Nightline. I have no idea why. I lost the ability to synthesize or process information a few days back. Too much coverage. The more coverage, the more informed, the less I’m understanding what’s going on anymore. News as snuff porn’s melting my brain.
Also: shockandaweshockandaweSHOCKANDAWE!!! Oh man, I would pay anything to get that phrase removed from my skull. Was this war not godawfully miserable enough that it needed a catchphrase to make it worse? Couldn’t it have a catchy jingle to get stuck in my head, too, because that would help? Why couldn’t they just call it “The Most Horrific Thing You’ll See All Year”? Did the makers of STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT own the trademark to that? COP AND A HALF?
I’m basically sick of most everyone: CNN, FoxNews, MSNBC, BBC, the Iraqis, the Americans, the British, the Belgians, the Navajo, those fucking super-dolphins, certainly the protesters. I didn’t think war was a good idea before all this started, to be honest, I guess I’d say I was “Anti-war,” but I don’t really understand how there are still anti-war protests. What, the US is going to pretend we’re going to liberate the Iraqi people every 10 years, trick the Iraqi people into believing us… and then pull back at the last second? “HAHA! GOT YOUR ASS! BASE IN YOUR FACE, TOWELHEAD. Y’all can go back to the horrible dictator now- we was just playin’.” How do you stop something like this once you start it?
I’m sick of everyone on the Left; I’m sick of everyone on the Right, oh god, so sick of those fuckers; I am just sick of everyone. But, you know… what else is new for this column?
By the time you read this who knows who’ll be dying. Welcome to my comic book column.
THE BASIC DILEMMA
Tuesday, 10:00 p.m.: So, what now? How to do a comic book column when history is going on…
One option is I don’t run this week, but that seems melodramatic and self-aggrandizing. “Oh, I’m too delicate! I’ve got the vapors! Mah lord, these times are working my humors!”
So I have to write one this week, but then, what, pretend all this isn’t going on, and say “Business as usual?” People like that route, but when I read anything “business as usual,” I just invariably think, “You myopic little shit- how can you still be grousing about SHE-HULK, you little nerd?”
The Oscars were on Sunday, and a few people went the “art is important to our lives” route. Which is one I’m somewhat sympathetic towards. I’m not sure how much because we’re not the ones getting bombed, you know? So to a degree, I find a bunch of rich Hollywood shits pretending that “art is important” to anything but their bank accounts, well, decadent. Especially since the Oscars aren’t about movies -- they’re just some two-hour ad for bad Miramax movies.
But I think this is the route I’ll have to go. And the reason why are two things about something called McSweeneys:
McSweeneys is a literary journal run by Dave Eggers (A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS). Eggers had a best-selling memoir a few years back, and used the proceeds, in part, to start his own publishing house for mostly experimental literature.
The new issue of the journal, #10, is edited by Michael Chabon, who wrote the novel for one of my favorite movies, WONDER BOYS, as well as the ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER AND CLAY, the Pulitzer Prize winning novel about the Golden Age of Comics. And he’s writing the screenplay for the second SPIDERMAN movie.
Chabon’s a serious writer, but he always wanted to put out an old-fashioned collection of genre short stories- mysteries, westerns, adventure stories -- a pulp, basically. And he’s collaborated with McSweeneys to do that with #10, MCSWEENEY’S MAMMOTH TREASURY OF THRILLING TALES.
Here’s the trick: he’s gotten some of the biggest names possible to take part, from both genre fiction (Stephen King, Elmore Leonard, Michael Chricton, Harlan Ellison, Michael Moorcock, and one Mr. Neil Gaiman) as well as serious fiction (Rick Moody, Sherman Alexie, Dave Eggers, Aimee Bender, Glen David Gold, Chris Offut and MORE).
And I got this today, and I just felt really happy that I’m going to read it. I think it’s going to be a fun time to read this. I hope that it will be a thing of joy.
Here’s the second thing about McSweeneys: I went to the McSweeneys website to check about this book today; found something else. Apparently a friend of McSweeneys died a couple weeks ago. Her parents were helping travel the country to promote her book by flying her around. She flew into a mountain.
Some of the best writers you can ask for are eulogizing her here. And some people who aren’t famous writers but who just loved her a lot. And it made me very sad to read.
So, what now? I don’t know that I can go the “art is important to our lives.” But life is short, and important or no, these are things that can bring some small, momentary joy. And I guess I just want to talk about that: let’s talk about the JOY of these stupid, horrible, awful fucking comics this week, for a change. Let’s have a positive Title Bout for a change, motherfucker.
Think this’ll work? Me neither, dude. Fuck it, game on…
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for the current week, as well as those products expected to ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: March 26
The following products are expected to ship to comic book specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for availability.
No! This week is about joy! Check with your retailer how his mom’s doing. Check with your retailer about any good movies he’s seen lately. When he laughs at you for trying to buy a black-and-white comic? Imagine a funny joke, and just laugh along with him. Joy!
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
PREVIEWS PUBLICATIONS
COLLECTING SUPPLIES CATALOG 2003 PI
Isn’t that wonderful? All the supplies you need to collect comics: bacon fat, friends-away spray, a chip for your shoulder -- all in one kit! Joy!
The joy thing’s not working so far, is it? Too snarky still? It’s hard, okay? I’ll get the hang of this eventually…
Oh no, there’s a press conference. The press conferences are the worst because CNN’s translators? They don’t seem to speak Arabic. Which -- you’d think that’d be a requirement. It’s always someone with a poor grasp on the language, and the WORST VOICE EVER. “Thhhhhheeee crimmminalll murderers …. I tell you… bloodh of the innocentthhh willll thaaa….. ZIONISTS!” Its always semi-coherent with these huge gaps, and the word “Zionist” thrown in at random places as if it were punctuation. Did CNN not know that they’d need translators?
GAME TRADE MAGAZINE #38 $1.99
PREVIEWS ADULT VOL XIII #4 PI
PREVIEWS VOL XIII #4 PI
PREVIEWS VOL XIII CONSUMER ORDER FORM #4 PI
Okay, joy, joy, joy mode… this is harder than it sounds, okay? Okay: I like how PREVIEWS is garish. Seriously. I like that it’s this big mess of bad advertisements, and inaccurate solicitation copy, and stupid sounding comic books I’d never buy in a million, jillion years. Okay- that didn’t go so hot, but baby steps…
PRIMO FLYER VOL XIII #4 PI
DARK HORSE
ASTRO BOY VOL 13 TP $9.95
BTVS #55 DAWN & HOOPY THE BEAR LEE CVR $2.99
BTVS #55 DAWN & HOOPY THE BEAR PHOTO CVR $2.99
I like that I can have watched BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER for the last few years, and still have no idea whatsoever what the fuck HOOPY THE BEAR is, and yet in comics, not only is HOOPY THE BEAR a part of the Buffy comics -- he’s on the COVER. He’s a SUPERSTAR.
BTVS NOTE FROM THE UNDERGROUND TP $12.95
I love that BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER can steal a title from Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and most comic fans won’t know it! “NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND -- is that the one where Buffy slayed that one vampire? You know, the evil one?”
COOP COASTER SET $12.99
DH DLX STATIONERY BOB EGGLETON DRAGONS $4.99
DH DLX STATIONERY BROM DARKWERKS $4.99
DH DLX STATIONERY COOP WILD WOMEN $4.99
DH DLX STATIONERY KIRSTEN ULVE SNAIL MAIL $4.99
DH DLX STATIONERY MARI CHAN $4.99
DH DLX STATIONERY SHAG BOTTOMLESS COCKTAIL $4.99
KISS PHOTO CVR #8 $2.99
KISS RUBI CVR #8 $2.99
PUBO #3 (Of 3) $3.50
RIPD TP $12.95
I take nothing but JOY that Dark Horse would put PUBO adjacent to RIPD. PUBO RIPD: it sounds like the most horrific thing that could ever happen to your short and curlies ever! But Dark Horse- they put those two titles right next to each other, like they know I’m here, waiting to see it and laugh…
STAR WARS A LONG TIME AGO VOL 4 SCREAMS IN THE VOID TP $29.95
I love the people in comics who are “dark.” I love how they’re wrapped up in how dark they are because, like, they think about death and they wear black. SCREAMS IN THE VOID? It’s a STAR WARS comic, but I’m sure the people who made this -- they just WENT for it, man. Lightsabers, Jedi, wookies- yeah, SCREAMS IN THE VOID’s a great title for that sort of material, Dante. Thanks… You know, they went for it. They didn’t stop and think, “God, we’re just churning out STAR WARS nonsense for middle-aged guys who are way too obsessed with some mediocre b-movie from the 70s.” They saw STAR WARS and thought “SCREAMS IN THE VOID.” What void??? Who knows? They went for it though. That’s courageous. These are courageous people, even if only courageous in their stupidity. Give it up, yo…
TONY MILLIONAIRES DRINKY CROW COASTER SET $12.99
USAGI YOJIMBO #65 $2.99
DC COMICS
AQUAMAN SECRET FILES 2003 $4.95
I love this scam DC’s got going. Secret Files? The character’s 90 years old! We were all RAISED with Aquaman, and even when we were KIDS, we knew he sucked BAD. But DC -- they got his SECRET FILES! I mean, some people get angry about it -- why? It’s so silly, how can you not smile at how silly and nonsensical that is?
BATMAN #612 SECOND PRINTING $2.25
When someone got punched on the 60s show. Jack Palance in the first movie, and the scene when Nicholson kills him. Frank Miller and Dave Mazzuchelli’s BATMAN YEAR ONE. The Mr. Freeze episodes of the cartoon. Bruce Timm’s designs. A bad guy named The Riddler.
BATMAN #613 $2.25
I like that people in comics get so wrapped up in those sales charts, when the biggest selling comic, I’m going out on a limb, is probably DISNEY ADVENTURES this week, which has a comic-heavy issue, out in grocery stores. I’d have to imagine those DISNEY books are moving – it’s at every grocery store I’ve been to, anyway. But comics -- people pour over those sales chart numbers as if there was a model’s phone number hidden somewhere in code in one of them…
BATMAN GOTHAM ADVENTURES #60 $2.25
CARTOON CARTOONS #16 $2.25
CATWOMAN #17 $2.50
DANGER GIRL HAWAIIAN PUNCH $4.95
I like this title. You know why? It reminds me of drinking Hawaiian Punch. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, Lolo. Also, I get to think about HAWAII 5-0 -- pleasant thoughts? You bet, Dano.
BATMAN: COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM? That title would sell a billion comics, easy.
GLOBAL FREQUENCY #6 (Of 12) $2.95
I don’t like this comic book, but that’s a good title for a comic book. It suggests an image of a philosophy that spreads independent of national borders, of race or creed. That’s wonderful. The comic? Not for me, personally, but that’s a great title.
GREEN LANTERN #161 $2.25
Anytime he’d use this superpowerful power ring to form a GIANT HAND. On the SUPERFRIENDS, when he’d form his giant hand, and then the bad guy’s giant hand would ARMWRESTLE his giant hand. The fact the bad guy’s name is SINESTRO. That idiotic oath. John Broome.
HELLBLAZER #182 (MR) $2.75
JUSTICE LEAGUE ADVENTURES TP $9.95
JLA #79 $2.25
LEGION #18 $2.50
I like that they can take hokey titles and make them sound “hep” by such simple changes. LEGION OF SUPERHEROS? Hokey-sounding. LEGION? Not hokey sounding -- almost badass sounding. LEGION -- it could be a LEGION of DADDYRAPERS. Overnight, the title goes from hokey to … well, if you’re a daddy, potentially terrifying. And JUSTICE LEAUGE OF AMERICA? SUPERHOKEY. But JLA- its like a summer movie now. MIB, ID4, T2, JLA… overnight! It’s such a simple little change, but we’re all every one of us such idiotic chimps that it makes a difference…
RESISTANCE #7 $2.95
SUPERMAN #191 $2.25
Max Fleischer’s SUPERMAN cartoons. Every single last Alan Moore Superman comic, from WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MAN OF TOMMOROW to FOR THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING. The way Curt Swan would draw him. The flying scenes in the first movie. The Fortress of SOLITUDE- YEAAAAAAAAAAAH. Kryptonite, but moreso the red kryptonite than the green kryptonite. And oh god, I haven’t read a Superman comic in years, but I love the signal watch. Great Caesar’s Ghost.
TOP TEN BOOK TWO TP $14.95
WILDCATS VERSION 3.0 #8 $2.95
WONDER WOMAN #190 $2.25
Invisible jet? Uhmmm… I’m a boy -- I don’t know from WONDER WOMAN. Certainly the spinning around part on the TV show -- I’ve mentioned that before. I seem to recall that Brian Bolland used to do nice covers for this series. The Phil Jiminez story from Salon.com: “Wonder Woman, Phil Jimenez says, changed his life -- and he wants to return the favor.”
ZATANNA EVERYDAY MAGIC (MR) $5.95
IMAGE
ARIA VOL 2 THE SOULMARKET HC $26.95
BATTLE OF THE PLANETS #8 $2.99
BULLETPROOF MONK TALES OF THE BPM #1 $2.95
I like that they’re letting Chow Yun Fat smile in the movie for this comic. In his early movies in America, Chow was always playing some Chinese hitman or something, so they wouldn’t let him have any expression on his face. His Hong Kong movies were half about the action, but they were also half about watching Chow Yun Fat do something amazing with a toothpick. I’ve been trying to drink without using my hands ever since I saw him do it in A BETTER TOMMOROW (he just grabs a glass of whiskey, I think, with his mouth, whips his head back, guzzles it down, then puts it back -- never uses his hands)(I have spilled so much water onto my shirt over the years… that little Chinese bastard’s wasted so much of my time…).
GRRL SCOUTS WORK SUCKS #2 (Of 4) $2.95
I really liked Jim Mahfood’s art on the last issue of this -- moreso than usual. I don’t really remember why -- I just remember the aftertaste, you know? I remember feeling that he was doing something different, moving forward.
INVINCIBLE #3 $2.95
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE VOL 2 SANTALUCIA CVR #1 $2.95
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE VOL 2 STRUZAN CVR #1 $5.95
PARLIAMENT OF JUSTICE #1 (MR) $5.95
This -- I’m excited about. The early word’s been intriguing. The praise for Neal Vokes’s art on this has been HUGE. And Mike Oeming- Mike Oeming always gets a look from me, so far. The comics are a good time for the money. This is some sort of vigilante riff. Here’s a quote from Jamie S. Rich, editor-in-chief of Oni: "Oeming and Vokes have stirred up an intoxicating blend of Fritz Lang, Bob Kane, and Walter Gibson, making a comic book that bends modern myth to their own indomitable will. If you think you know how these men work, you don't. Prepare to be amazed." That’s a pretty good quote, I thought. I kind of responded to that quote moreso than anything else I’ve heard about the book. I don’t know -- I hope it’s good.
RISING STARS BRIGHT #2 (Of 3) $2.99
SAMMY TOURIST TRAP #2 (Of 4) $2.95
STRANGERS #1 $2.95
TOMB RAIDER #28 $2.99
TOMB RAIDER JOURNEYS #11 (Of 12) $2.99
MARVEL
AGENT X #9 $2.25
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #51 $2.25
The Ditko issue where he lifts the machinery off himself. Hell, Lee-Ditko in general. The way John Romita Sr. drew girls -- the dance issue. The Vulture -- I always liked the Vulture -- just some old coot with wings. The word “webslinging.” The upside-down kiss in the movie, and wet t-shirt from said scene. The fact he got his powers from a RADIOACTIVE SPIDER -- they weren’t even TRYING that day and it’s a multizillion dollar franchise! Sam Raimi being a name director now, at the same time Peter Jackson has, both of whose best work is on zombie movies (well, Jackson had HEAVENLY CREATURES, which was good, too, but…). The “Face It Tiger, You Just Hit the Jackpot” line -- that’s just funny to me. And Ron Rege’s SPIDERMAN from COOBER SKEEBER.
AVENGERS #65 $2.25
Jack Kirby’s art from the first half-dozen issues of this – it’s not the best stuff he ever did, but its Kirby drawing fast, so there’s this sort of simplicity to it that is enjoyable in its own way. And after that, John Buscema.
AVENGERS LEGENDS VOL 2 THE KORVAC SAGA TP $19.95
BLACK PANTHER #56 $2.50
CAPTAIN AMERICA #11 $2.99
This was the first superhero I ever liked when I was a kid, so -- yeah, I could go on and on about this one.
Incidentally, did you know Jae Lee’s drawing this now? He started last issue, on, like, part 3 of a 4-part story, so I didn’t get it, but … Jae Lee’s terrific. I wish he were doing something more worthy of his talents, but the pages I saw seemed awfully impressive. You’d think Marvel would make a big deal that Jae Lee’s drawing this, but it caught me totally by surprise. Do people not like Jae Lee?? I thought they liked Jae Lee. They should -- this is Joy Week, after all.
CAPTAIN AMERICA WHAT PRICE GLORY #4 $2.99
DAREDEVIL VOL 1 HC $29.99
Frank Miller. Dave Mazzuchelli. Ann Nocenti and John Romita Jr. Kevin Smith and Joe Quesada. Wally Wood. Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev. Gene Colan. David Mack. I don’t even know who else -- other great people, I’m sure. We can argue about their relative merits or quality, but … some pretty goddamn great people have left their mark on this character.
EXILES #24 $2.25
FANTASTIC FOUR #67 $2.25
Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.
FANTASTIC FOUR UNSTABLE MOLECULES #4 (Of 4) $2.99
James Strum and Guy Davis. It’s a weird little book. I can’t figure out who the audience is. But…this comic got so much goddamn shit heaped on it before anyone saw page one.
And I’ve given up on trying to figure that out. I’m no more interested in an alternative that only wants to talk to itself, anymore than I’m interested in a fanboy culture that only wants to talk to itself.
Maybe I’m wrong; seems like lately: my theory was the more fans bought their comics based on who the creators were rather than character or company or any other factor, the more successful those creators accordingly got, then the more freedom those same creators would be given to create new and interesting things, which was what I thought everyone wanted. It hasn’t seemed to work out like that. The fans never got into following creators. The creators all lost their minds or lost their guts or just wrote crap. The publishers were the usual whacked out freaks. And then all the anger and posing and endless attitude…
But who knows? No one saw Alan Moore coming. No one saw Frank Miller coming. No one saw Neil Gaiman coming. It could all turn around tomorrow. There’s some interesting people floating around still. So there’s the joy for Joy Week, I guess.
If you like this comic, you should seek out James Strum’s earlier book, the GOLEM’S MIGHTY SWING. It’s about the early days of baseball. It’s really quite good.
MARVEL ENCYCLOPEDIA VOL 2 X-MEN HC $29.99
MARVEL UNIVERSE THE END #2 (Of 6) $2.99
PARADISE X #9 $2.99
PETER PARKER SPIDER-MAN #54 $2.25
RAWHIDE KID #3 (Of 5) (MR) $2.99
I think the biggest disappointment of the war so far? Dan Rather hasn’t gone crazy yet. I was waiting for him to go nuts like he did during Election Night 2000: “Like we say back home, Iraq’s like a bronco that needs to rub butter on its asscheeks, put on a dress, and call itself Sally” or “Saddam’s got a whistle in his dick that ain’t playing a tune your Grandma can dance to.” Some crazy homespun “saying” or something.
I had high hopes because on the first night of bombing, I turned on CBS and they had a camera pointed at a paper map. And to point out the important things on the map? They had a guy’s hand, and the guy was holding a pencil. You couldn’t see the rest of the guy. Just the hand, the map, and the pencil. It was like the War according to It from the ADDAMS FAMILY.
ULTIMATE X-MEN VOL 5 ULTIMATE WAR TP $10.99
UNCANNY X-MEN #420 $2.25
Uhm, you know, I’m tired of the “I’ll list everything good about the thing like a goddamn Pollyanna” schtick already. So… yeah, I’ve had enough of that. What -- like you couldn’t make one of those lists for yourself? Make one for yourself. I’ve had my fill. Fucking Polyanna shit was all that supposed to be?
WEAPON X #7 $2.25
WEAPON X VOL 1 TP $21.99
WOLVERINE #188 $2.25
X-MEN 2 THE MOVIE TP $12.99
X-STATIX #9 $2.25
X-TREME X-MEN #23 $2.99
WIZARD
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE CYCLOPS STORM CVR #140 $4.99
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE NIGHTCRAWLER CVR #140 $4.99
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE X-MEN 2 PHOTO CVR #140 $4.99
See, imagine you were an X-fan. This week would be nothing but joy for you. There’s no less than FOURTEEN different X-related items out this week. FOURTEEN! So -- somebody’s having a good week. Somebody who needs FOURTEEN different X-items to get through a week. Some weird, fucking rich nerd -- why does some rich nerd need joy? Well he gets joy, the fucking asshole. Enjoy your taxcut, moneybags.
Are you sick of the positive thing? Man, I don’t know. I’m a little sick of the positive thing. I guess I’ll keep trying to do this, but … ugggh, positivity SUCKS. Its so fucking BORING to be happy about comics. They’re so AWFUL. The people who read them are AWFUL. The people who make them are so GODDAMN BORING. Who comes up with this stupid ass shit month in and month out, and what kind of unimaginative freak cares month in and month out about the same goddamn crap? UGHGHHGHHGHGHGHHGGH!
And you know what the unkindest cut is? Ringo Starr’s got a new album coming out! Isn’t the world already a horrible enough place, Ringo????
Okay, back to the positivity:
COMICS
3 LITTLE KITTENS #2 (Of 3) (O/A) $2.95
ARCHIE #534 $2.19
ARCHIE DIGEST #197 $2.39
I like that there are ARCHIE fans who are so much in a hurry that they can’t take the time to read ARCHIE proper. They need ARCHIE DIGEST. A digest is a “summation or condensation of a body of information” according to Merriam-Webster. Some people need a CONDENSATION of ARCHIE COMICS. ARCHIE COMICS- a little too dense in information. They need ARCHIE DIGEST to simplify things. ARCHIE EXECUTIVE SUMMARY is a big seller on Wall Street.
ARKANIUM #5 $2.95
ASAGIRI NO MIKO MANGA #2 $10.99
BETTIE PAGE THE 50S RAGE NEW PTG ADULT CVR #2 (A) PI
BRATH #2 $2.95
I like that CrossGen managed to come up with a word that sounds like a really bad case of bad breath, but decided that it should be a comic book title anyway. Because it really reminds us that at the end of the day, titles don’t matter. Ideas matter. Well, Crossgen’s ideas aren’t that hot either, awfully cliché, but… It’s nice to know that comic fans just LOVE comics. Comic fans MUST love comics because they’ll take comics HOWEVER they can get them. They’ll just buy WHATEVER, you know? BRATH -- comic fans love comics so much that they’ll even buy BRATH. That’s wonderful. That’s joyous. Joy!
CHOBITS VOL 5 GN (Of 8) $9.99
CLIMBING OUT GN $10.00
CLOCKWORK ANGELS TP $10.95
COLLIERS VOLUME 2 #2 (MR) $3.50
COMPLEX CITY VOL 1 ALL IN A DAYS WORK TP $12.95
COWBOY BEBOP COMPLETE TYPE I FILM BOOK (O/A) $13.95
COWBOY BEBOP COMPLETE TYPE III FILM BOOK (O/A) $13.95
COWBOY BEBOP COMPLETE TYPE IV FILM BOOK (O/A) $13.95
COWBOY BEBOP COMPLETE TYPE V FILM BOOK (O/A) $14.95
COWBOY BEBOP COMPLETE TYPE VI FILM BOOK (O/A) $14.95
CSI CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION #3 (Of 5) (MR) $3.99
CUTIE HONEY LEGEND OF AN ANGEL MANGA #4 (MR) $11.99
I just saw some of Bush’s speech today again on CNN. You know what part trips me up the most? When he goes “We’re fighting an enemy who’s willing to kill.” Wh-… what? I mean, yeah, there was a little more to that sentence- “willing to kill to perpetuate a tyranny of blah blah.” But… “We’re fighting an enemy who’s willing to kill.” If -- if they weren’t willing to… I don’t know. I don’t get that part. Would he be happy if we were fighting an enemy who was willing to lie there and take it and cry a little? Well, maybe he would.
DEADBEATS #58 $2.50
DEMONSLAYER VOL 1 ORIGINAL SKETCH ED HC $44.95
DEVIL MANGA #1 $10.99
DF THUNDERCATS RETURN SGN #1 $19.99
DF ULTIMATES THE ULTIMATE WAR SGN #1 $19.99
DF ULTIMATES THE ULTIMATE WAR SGN #2 $19.99
DI GI CHARAT DEGIKO CHAMPION CUP THEATER MANGA #1 $16.99
DRAGON ARMS #4 $3.50
DRAGON KNIGHTS VOL 7 GN (Of 17) $9.99
DREAMS KANON & AIR MANGA #1 $16.99
DUNGEON #5 $2.95
EDGE #12 $7.95
Oh, Michael Moore: I was happy when he won because I knew he’d start shit and it’d turn into a car wreck. But not that impressed by what he had to say. He started out okay, but then he kept yelling the word “fictional” but then he couldn’t get the word “Fictional” right so he ended up somewhere like “fictitiousnal” or “fictitiousnousnal” or something. He just started making up words! For someone so good at pulling shit on people, it was pretty disappointing -- I’m glad he tried to derail the show because that show would’ve been nightmare boring if someone hadn’t tried to, but he just didn’t say anything INTERESTING. Still, booing -- what did you think Michael Moore was going to do??? Thank his mom? Name-drop Russell Crowe?
EIKEN MANGA #4 (O/A) (A) $7.99
EIKEN MANGA #7 (A) $7.99
ELNA SAGA MANGA #3 $12.99
ELNA SAGA MANGA #4 $12.99
EXTINCTIONERS VOL 2 #12 (RES) $4.99
Hahaha -- I love this: I’ve never seen this title before, and yet out of nowhere it comes out with VOLUME 2 NUMBER TWELVE! Do you think all of us would never have noticed a comic called EXTINCTIONERS? Of course we’d remember that. And yet, VOLUME 2 NUMBER TWELVE? HOW??? This happens ALL the time.
FIVE STAR STORIES ENG LANG MANGA #7 $9.98
FIVE STAR STORIES ENG LANG MANGA #8 $9.98
GRAPHIC CLASSICS VOL 5 JACK LONDON $9.95
GUN FU #1 WIERINGO VARIANT CVR ED $6.00
GUN FU SIGNED PREVIEW ED $3.00
GUNDAM 0079 MANGA #1 $10.99
GUNDAM A ANTHOLOGY MANGA MAR 2003 $12.99
HONEY MANGA #1 $11.99
HUGO #1 (A) $3.50
I like that HUGO almost rhymes with Dark Horse’s PUBO, but it doesn’t quite. But if you say both words next to each other over and over, you can kind of convince yourself that they rhyme with each other.
IKINARI HAPPY BELL ANTHOLOGY MANGA #1 $16.99
INITIAL D VOL 5 GN (Of 20) $9.99
INTRIGUE #1-3 SIGNED SET WITH SKETCH $16.00
INU YASHA ANIME COMIC #18 $16.99
INU YASHA ANIME COMIC #19 $16.99
JUDGE DREDD NECROPOLIS BOOK ONE GN $19.95
JUNGLE FANTASY #1/2 BATHING NUDE (MR) $6.00
I feel joy because my jungle fantasy is that these jackasses are bathing nude when piranha eat their legs off. Joy!
JUNGLE FANTASY #1/2 WINGED DEATH (MR) $5.95
KABUKI MASKS OF NOH #1 SKETCHED ED $89.95
KISSING CHAOS NONSTOP BEAUTY #4 (Of 4) (MR) $2.95
LANSDALE & TRUMANS DEAD FOLKS #1 $3.50
LANSDALE & TRUMANS DEAD FOLKS WRAP CVR #1 $3.95
Huh? Well, this is interesting. Joe Lansdale is a crime fiction writer (MUCH MOJO) and horror writer too, I suppose -- the NIGHT THEY MISSED THE HORROR SHOW was my favorite Lansdale thing. Anyway, him and Tim Truman had this comic from DC called JONAH HEX, I think, but DC got into this long-time lawsuit with some country western people or somebody. Dragged on for YEARS. I think it’s still an ongoing dispute. But the first miniseries was good (the second, not so much). I’d be curious to see them working together again, if this is that. I hadn’t heard that that they were though, so I’m not sure what this is. Maybe I haven’t been paying attention…
LIBERATORE FROM QUADRI TO PARIS TP (MR) $19.99
LOVE HINA ANIME COMIC #6 $13.99
LOVE HINA ANIME COMIC #7 $13.99
LUPIN III VOL 3 GN (Of 14) $9.99
The guy who makes this comic makes me happy. His name is Monkey Punch. They recently announced a movie version (EVERYTHING has a movie version getting announced! EVERYTHING!). So they ask the guy, “who do you want to see play Lupin?” And Monkey Punch -- he’s sort of on the “perverted” end of manga artists. He just says “I don’t care. I’m more interested in who they cast as the girl.” Which -- great answer. But mostly I just like that his name is Monkey Punch. That sounds like the Donkey Punch’s evil twin.
MADBURGER (MR) $16.95
I like this title because it sounds like the unauthorized sequel to GOOD BURGER, that Nickelodeon movie from a couple years back? Those two annoying black kids who ran the GOOD BURGER are now in their early 20s and they are PISSED OFF. MADBURGER!
MARK OF CHARON #1 (Of 5) $2.95
MARSHAL LAW FEAR AND LOATHING GN NEW PTG $19.95
MARTIAN SUCCESSOR NADESICO PERFECTS (O/A) $28.95
MENDY AND THE GOLEM #1 $2.95
MENDY AND THE GOLEM #2 $2.95
MERIDIAN #34 KEY ISSUE PI
MOMO CHICHI MUSUME YUN MANGA #1 (A) $12.99
See -- that’s wonderful: MOMO CHICHI sounds like a little kid’s words for shitting and pissing. “Mommy, I have to momo.” That’s great. How can you not take joy in it, you heartless fucks?
MONTHLY COMIC DRAGON FEB 2003 $12.50
MONTHLY MAGAZINE Z MAR 2003 $9.99
NINJA HIGH SCHOOL #104 $3.50
NO NO UFO #6 (A) $3.99
This is a good title.
ODDGOD ANTHOLOGY #2 (MR) $3.95
ONE PLUS ONE #5 (Of 5) (MR) $2.95
PATH #13 $2.95
PEACH #7 (A) $10.99
RAIJIN COMICS #16 (MR) $4.95
RANX VOLUME 3 TP (MR) $23.99
RUSE #18 $2.95
SAIYUKI MANGA #5 $14.99
SAIYUKI MANGA #6 $14.99
SANCTUM VOL 2 HC DISCOVERY $15.95
SHI ILLUSTRATED WARRIOR #1 DEATH SCROLL ED $5.95
SHI ILLUSTRATED WARRIOR #1 DEATH SCROLL RUBY RED ED $24.95
SIMPSONS COMICS #80 $2.50
SOLUS #1 $2.95
SPACE COWBOY #1 (Of 3) (O/A) $4.95
STEVE DITKO READER VOL 1 TP $25.00
STORY OF REAL SNOWBOARDER MANGA #1 $15.99
Great, two-hundred pages of some kid smoking pot in the mountains. That’s EXACTLY the comic I’ve been looking for. Manga! Joy!
TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #19 (MR) $2.95
TEENAGERS FROM MARS #5 (Of 8) (MR) $2.99
BUYING THIS. It’s very late at night, and I’m very tired, but this is a great goddamn series that you should really look into. Ignore the #5 out of 8. It’s -- I’m very happy to see this because this has become one of my favorite comics. Rob G’s art is great, and the writing by Rick Spears -- he’s good on the pacing. If you’re good on the pacing, I’ll probably wind up liking you, I guess. You know, the comic’s just so goddamn refreshing. I wish more people were out there trying to find their own unique voice like these guys are. When the book was first coming out -- I hadn’t heard ANYTHING about it, and each issue I was waiting for them to fall apart. I’m still waiting for that to an extent, but… so far they’re holding up. I’m happy this is out this week.
TERRY MOORES PARADISE TOO #12 $2.95
THREE DAYS IN EUROPE #4 (Of 5) (MR) $2.95
This is a strange comic. The art’s great -- Mike Hawthorne’s very good. The writing- it’s a new guy who’s got some buzz around him. I think there’s some promise there, though I have no connection to the main characters here at all. It’s got some things it’s doing right- the plot has the right sort of shaggy, freewheeling looseness that it needs. The first issue didn’t make me care about the characters, so if I did, I think I’d be more enthusiastic about the book, but… I -- it’s very late so I’ll try to do a better review next time, but… I’m not sure what I make of this anymore.
That was an awful review. Wow. But you can take JOY in how awful that review was. Because -- you know, you could write a better review, and you can take joy in that knowledge of how much better you’d be at this than I am. Well, bully for you.
TINTIN IN THE LAND OF THE SOVIETS $19.95
… Tintin gets executed by Stalin? NO, TINTIN!!!!! NOT ON JOY WEEK!!!!
TMNT VOL 4 #1 2ND PTG $2.95
TMNT VOL 4 #2 2ND PTG $2.95
TRANSFORMERS BEGINNINGS PX HC $24.95
TRANSFORMERS GN BEGINNINGS $16.95
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #1/2 $16.99
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN SGN #33 $19.99
ULTIMATE X-MEN #1/2 $16.99
ULTIMATE X-MEN HARDCOVER SGN $149.99
VAMPI #16-18 S&N SET $29.95
VAMPI #8 UNDERWORLD PART 2 OF 3 DLX ED (O/A) $9.95
VAMPIRE SAVIOR MANGA #1 $8.99
VAMPIRE SAVIOR MANGA #2 $8.99
VAMPIRELLA #0 ROYAL BLUE ED $149.95
VAMPIRELLA CROSSOVER SET $14.95
VERONICA #138 $2.19
WALLACE AND GROMIT HC $14.95
WARLANDS VOL 3 #4 $2.95
WEAPON X #1/2 $16.99
X #17 $7.99
X #18 $7.99
XIN LEGEND OF MONKEY KING #1-3 S&N PLATINUM SET $29.95
YU GI OH MANGA #2 (O/A) $7.95
YU GI OH MANGA #3 (O/A) $7.95
YU-GI-OH MANGA #1 (O/A) $7.95
ZERO SUM ANTHOLOGY MANGA FEB 2003 $11.99
ZERO SUM ANTHOLOGY MANGA MAR 2003 $11.99
CONCLUSION
I never want to pretend to like comics ever again.
Let me put it this way: I’m going to take MUCH joy in hating the shit out of whatever’s on that list next week. Fucking god, how do other reviewers do it? I read those other reviewers, and they all, you know, LIKE comics?
EEEEEW.
I feel all DIRTY now. I’m SERIOUS, dude. Like -- it’s so inauthentic to like things. When I hate something, there’s so much more of an honesty there. And yeah, you know, war shmore -- war’s come and go, but hatred… a good long GRUDGE… that’s forever.
Man, this is the last time some lady who flies into a mountain guilts me into acting like a decent person!!! FUCK THAT!!
No, seriously, I…some people are built to be upbeat, I guess. But… ughhhh … and I wasn’t even being THAT positive. Could you imagine being a BOOSTER? That’d be the worst fate ever, it really would. Or, god, Director of Marketing for one of these companies -- how do they do it? I have no idea.
I have No idea.
Translate Schmanslate- I Just Liked This Comic, Ok?
PISTOLWHIP: THE YELLOW MENACE has a messy story that I had trouble at times following, WAY too many characters, and an ending that I wanted more from. Regardless, what a fucking pleasure this comic is.
Set in a world of pulps (again with the pulps this week), the comic doesn’t seem to be about anything but its own world, but what a world. Jason Hall and Matt Kindt -- the way they put images next to each other just makes me want to jump up and down. Pages 42 and 43, in particular, just soar. Kindt’s choice of angles is always interesting. Hall, as he did with MEPHISTO and the earlier PISTOLWHIP, always manages to create an aura of evil hovering over all the characters, finding time for background life and small details that other writers just don’t bother to for some unknown reason. Hall and Kindt work FAST. And -- seriously, I just plain love how Kindt draws, and the way Kindt and Hall’s voices seem inseparable.
The stretch between pages 104 to 109 are so good though that the ending can’t satisfy it. The plot’s…I need to reread this comic because I’m sure I missed chunks, but… a comic this good, I look FORWARD to rereading this comic.
I’m not sure if Richard Sala does the same thing better or not -- that’s a tough call, but people familiar with Richard Sala might want to check out PISTOLWHIP (and visa versa). I particularly like Sala’s CHUCKLING WHATSIT.
COUPLE THINGS GOING ON ELSEWHERE
The Comics Journal is having a book-reading discussion of Jason Lutes’s JAR OF FOOLS that should prove to be fascinating.
Also, those people who were excited by our editor-in-chief Chris Ryall’s review of BLANKETS can now see a short preview over at Artbomb.
BLANKETS is by the great, great Craig Thompson who did GOODBYE CHUNKY RICE, which is a book I’m pretty obsessed with. BLANKETS --look, I expect it to best the best comic of this year (and no, I don’t know what happened to 100% which I thought was going to be the best comic last year, but… uh… stopped coming out). I don’t expect anything less. My hopes are insanely high. It seems to take from his shorter work like BIBLE DOODLES or that short comic from the TOP SHELF ANTHOLOGY, and -- I can hardly wait, so…
Okay, I’m out.
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