By A.K.
March 19, 2003
Each week, Diamond Comics posts the New Comics Release List -- a weekly list of comics coming to a store near you this Wednesday.
Here, we have a snapshot of comics as they truly are, in all their Glory and their Gory.
So, last Thursday, I turn on the CBS to watch Will Ferrell guest-host the David Letterman show. Letterman's got the shingles so they've had guest hosts -- Vince Vaughn or Elvis Costello being my favorite, not sure which. Will Ferrell's guest-hosting, he makes me laugh, so I'm psyched, but local news comes up first, the very last bit of the show. You know, the "Something cute happened to a dog" part of the local news. The "Kids dressed a confused squirrel up in a cardigan sweater and it was high-larious" part. And I'm watching- and I'm READY FOR SOME COMEDY, YEE HAH, WILL FERRELL -- and here's the human interest story the CBS local news decides I should hear before my comedy-palooza:
A kid, whose Dad is a soldier now in the Middle East about to risk his life for his country, turns out he's getting a transplant at the last minute luckily. Why does he need a transplant? Oh, his old heart is allergic to blood. And then they cut to Ol' Sneezyheart's mom, who's, like, "The army let us tell his dad about the transplant, so... we're pretty happy he knows what's happening, at least. We didn't want him to worry seeing as he might be killed tomorrow."
And then the newscaster comes on, and is like "David Letterman show's next. Enjoy!" Yes, yes, enjoy your comedy! Thank you, CBS -- IT’S TIME TO LAUGH.
And while I'm babbling, man, I fucking love this crazy sonuvabitch on the tractor. It’s the Hollywood version of THE STRAIGHT STORY-- Jerry Bruckheimer must be PISSED this guy beat him to it. World in crisis, economic problems, man-eating bees about to attack Alaska -- yeah, now's a good time for some crazy white trash to lose it.
I'd be envious of Washington, except if that shit were to happen out in Los Angeles, it wouldn't be Dwight the Crazy Redneck that the police are waitingout. It'd be Carlos the Loco Tractor-Loving Hombre, and the police...
"LAPD! LAPD! Officer! Carlos, he-"
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"But I didn't tell you the part about the tractor yet. And your sound effects suck!"
A guy on NPR tried to buzzkill the tractor guy with the "The same people who are supposed to deal with a terrorist attack can't get a guy off a motherfucking tractor?", but NPR can't buzzkill my love for the crazy tractor motherfucker. Fuck Terry Gross, fucking playah hatin'...
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
World in crisis? Economic turmoil? All of this guarantees one thing to my mind: the Oscars are going to be HILARIOUS. Egos that big having to pretend that there's something in the world that matters more than them? And you thought the acting in the MOVIES was bad.
Slow week for comic news? Why – why, no! What makes you say that?
INTRODUCTION
So slow. So… so… slow. For a moment I was hopeful, when the RED STAR comic book announced it was leaving CrossGen (after having left Image to join CrossGen). I thought maybe there'd be some fighting. A little bit of the ol' tussle?
Nada. CrossGen got all "We love them, but we're not IN love with them." And RED STAR retorted with the "Sometimes people just fall ... OUT of love." And then they both promised to have make-up sex.
A complete Interesting Vacuum, this week.
God, have I even hated a comic in a while? Let me look -- RELOAD was fun... I actually picked up the last issue of AUTOMATIC KAFKA to see the Ashley Wood art -- the story was just some superhero thing, ended in some bad poetry (poetry + comics = hurt pain bad bad), but it wasn't unbearable at least... And the rest, the stuff I usually like -- well, still like it. I liked Christine Norrie's CHEAT quite a bit, actually... How much do you care if you don't even hate a comic once in a while? Sure, there's some stuff I haven't read yet, but really, I don't want to sit and read them, and have my hopes dashed by liking them all...
I just can't win, if you think about it... I just can't win...
DIAMOND COMICS SAYS
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for
the current week, as well as those products expected to
ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: March 19
The following products are expected to ship to comic book
specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative
and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for
availability.
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
DARK HORSE
BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL FALL FROST (PART 5 OF 6) #77 (MR) $2.99
Man, for such a great comic, I don’t know about this title. It sounds like it’s talking about a windshield scraper. The blade of immortal fall frost? That’s a windshield scraper. I know the Japanese like haikus, but windshield scraper haikus…
Was there ever a slasher movie where the evil slasher had a windshield scraper? That’d be a great slasher movie. Two teen camp counselors are making out in a Nissan, let’s say… ice forms on the windshield. Then, some crazy guy in a hockey mask starts scraping off the ice. And… you know, eventually scrapes them to death after getting done with the windshield, or maybe not scraping the entirety of the windshield, but… I’m not saying he’d scrape the rear windshield as well as the front windshield. I don’t think an obsessive-compulsive disorder slasher movie would be that fun at all. Just some light, audience-friendly homicidal scraping, is all…
JUDGE DREDD VS ALIENS INCUBUS #1 (Of 4) $2.99
Is that like the rock band INCUBUS? Have the ALIENS finally started teaming up with rock bands? They’ve teamed up with BATMAN, SUPERMAN, TARZAN, CEILING FAN, everybody. The ALIENS are like Scooby Doo: A rock band, the Harlem Globetrotters, Don Knotts, Sonny and Cher, the Addams Family... ALIENS should just meet SCOOBY DOO.
That’s a difficult question -- would I rather read about the ALIENS meeting SCOOBY DOO in some sort of climactic ULTIMATE MEET, a sort of fulfillment of manifest destiny? Or would I rather just take the simple, refreshing pleasure that would be the ALIENS meeting DON KNOTTS? I’m not sure I can answer that. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see an Alien burst out of Don Knotts’ chest, obviously. Unless Don Knotts got misled to thinking the Alien was only in his chest because he was gay, a la his work as the Mister Furley character from THREE’S COMPANY… but wait, why would Don Knotts want a gay alien living in his chest, method actor or no?
STAR WARS REPUBLIC #51 $2.99
STAR WARS TALES #15 $5.99
STAR WARS TALES PHOTO CVR #15 $5.99
DC COMICS
BATGIRL #38 $2.50
If Batgirl were to fight Don Knotts, and let’s just say for argument’s sake, the God Knotts from PLEASANTVILLE, who do you think would win? I’d have to go with God Knotts because Don was basically playing God in that movie. What’d Batgirl do versus God? Maybe that’s unfair to Batgirl, but the Don Knotts from the Apple Dumpling Gang isn’t much of a fight either. And yet, what if Don Knotts had the help of the entire Apple Dumpling Gang when he was fighting Batgirl… maybe that’d be a more fair fight… Like, if Tim Conway aka Dorf on Golf held her down and Knotts just went nuts on her while he did?
It could work…
You know, all I’d need is Don Knotts, Tim Conway, and Carlos the Loco Tractor-Loving Hombre, and I might have a shot at robbing Fort Knox, like I always dreamed back when I was in law school. I’m no Auric Goldfinger, but Carlos tractors through the defenses, Dorf on Golf clubs everyone to death, and Knotts keeps everybody in stitches with behind-the-scenes stories about the making of the GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN…
Wow, I just went to IMDB to make sure I remembered Auric Goldfinger’s name, right? Auric Goldfinger fun-fact: the guy who played Goldfinger, or Auric as I like to call him, according to IMDB, received much grief throughout his postwar career for having been a member of the Nazi Party before 1945, although it was revealed that he was (paradoxically) involved in hiding German Jews from the Gestapo. Wow… He's the man, the man with the midas touch, though, so… that must’ve been nice, too.
BATMAN GOTHAM KNIGHTS #39 $2.75
BIRDS OF PREY #53 $2.50
FLASH #196 $2.25
FOREVER MAELSTROM #5 (Of 6) $2.95
Am I nuts, or have more people been to the Moon than read this comic book? I’m no whiz with the sales charts, but wow, no one is buying this thing. My guess? No one is entirely sure exactly what a Maelstrom is. I know a guy who almost hit a deer with his car once. I’m scared of hitting a deer with my car. Deer’ll rip right through your car. I don’t even know what a Maelstrom is. Forever Deersmasher -- I tell you, that would’ve sold like hotcakes.
I feel for them. Doesn’t seem like the audience is there for anything new lately. And part of me wonders if it’s because the right book hasn’t come along -- if the new stuff just isn’t very compelling. But still, with so much talent on the older characters, there’s not a lot of reason for a certain type of reader to stray, is there? In the ‘90s, there wasn’t anybody on the characters people liked, no one halfway decent. I dunno -- I’ve lost any sense of what’s going on anymore. I just don’t grasp the scene or the zeitgeist or whatever you want to call it anymore…
GEN 13 #7 $2.95
GOLDEN AGE SPECTRE ARCHIVES VOL 1 $49.95
GREEN ARROW #22 $2.50
JLA SCARY MONSTERS #1 (Of 6) $2.50
JSA THE UNHOLY THREE #2 (Of 2) $6.95
They’re not even trying anymore! SCARY MONSTERS? That’s a title for a comic book now? What -- what other kind of monsters ARE there? SENSUOUS MONSTERS! Wait, no, I’d actually read a comic book called SENSUOUS MONSTERS in a fucking second -- that’d be a great comic book title.
In fact, why the HELL hasn’t there been a comic book called SENSUOUS MONSTERS? I would buy it in a SECOND; I wouldn’t even have to think about it; are you kidding me????
See, no matter how much you might like characters from the goddamn 1960s -- think of all the comic book titles that should exist but don’t. Oh, the waste… the goddamn waste of it all…
LUCIFER #36 (MR) $2.50
MAD COLOR SPECIAL #7 $3.99
ON THE ROAD TO PERDITION BOOK ONE OASIS (PU#555) $7.95
Oh, this is that sequel to the ROAD TO PERDITION, the graphic novel that was the basis for the recent Tom Hanks/Paul Newman movie. I can’t wait for GHOST WORLD 2: THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL. I don’t know -- can’t fault them for making a sequel. There’s so much name recognition.
POWER COMPANY #14 $2.75
POWERPUFF GIRLS #36 $2.25
ROBIN #112 $2.25
ROBOTECH #4 (Of 6) $2.95
SHADE THE CHANGING MAN THE AMERICAN SCREAM TP (MR) $17.95
Oh, this is the first collection of Peter Milligan and Chris Bachalo’s great SHADE THE CHANGING MAN. SHADE, along with SANDMAN and Grant Morrison’s DOOM PATROL and what have you, was one of the formative Vertigo series. I’ve never read the first batch of issues, so I’m happy this is finally being collected. The run between around #30 to #50 is a terrific batch of comics.
SILVER AGE BATGIRL MINI BUST $45.00
Back during the Silver Age, they could get away with a mini-bust on BATGIRL. The fans weren’t so tit-demanding. Now, there’d be a small riot. “Joker just shot her in the spine; he didn’t shoot her tits off, commie.”
SLEEPER #3 (MR) $2.95
What happened, as everybody knows, is that the writer of the comic, Ed Brubaker, guaranteed the first issue of his comic. And apparently it helped retailers sell a lot of his first issue…
So I was really impressed by that, as is everyone, at the power of a promise to sway fans. So, accordingly:
I will give you $2.95 to not buy this comic book.
If you send me a photograph of you NOT buying this comic book (and not some fake photo where you go back into the shop a week later and buy it when no one’s looking, or sending in your poor mother to get it for you) … $2.95 is YOURS!! We’ll see whose dollar buys more, Brubaker! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!!!
Aah, I’m just fuckin’ around. I’m not paying you fuckers anything. And yeah, you should buy this, I guess, or not, whichever. But it’d be nice if creators were to start doing that, you know -- start trying to destroy each other? If Bendis wanted to protect the #1 place on that fucking Wizard list, if he just started bribing fans to stop reading Mark Millar comics? If Marvel just paid you not to read that Jim Lee BATMAN comic? What comics really need is a good ol’ fashioned Boss Tweed.
SMALLVILLE #1 $3.50
SUPERGIRL #80 $2.50
SUPERMAN METROPOLIS #2 (Of 12) $2.95
THUNDERCATS THE RETURN #2 (Of 5) $2.95
WAR STORY ARCHANGEL (MR) $4.95
Buying this. Garth Ennis’s war comics are the only things he’s ever done I’m genuinely enthusiastic about. I was okay with PREACHER, but it really didn’t speak to me, all in all, like it did with other people. The sense of humor didn’t appeal to me, and while I liked the characters, some of the stories weren’t too interesting to me regardless (the vampire shit, especially -- I just don’t like vampire shit, no matter how well done).
But these war comics are a class act… classic artists, complete stories, a genre no one else has much claim on, a good choice of subjects -- interesting arenas of combat…
WONDER WOMAN PARADISE FOUND TP $14.95
Y THE LAST MAN #9 (MR) $2.95
IMAGE
DEFIANCE #6 $2.95
DEVILS DUE STUDIOS PREVIEW 2003 $1.00
PARADIGM #7 $2.95
REX MUNDI #2 $2.95
ROTOGIN JUNKBOTZ #0 $2.50
Is this about broken robots who get drunk in crazy gin-guzzling frenzies? That’s what it sounds like to me. What is that title??? What is a ROTOGIN? Wait -- okay, there’s a story at Newsarama. Oh, this is cute – it’s some underground robot fighting thing, but here’s a quote: “This is our first published comic book series since we started our studio about 3 years ago in the back of my comic book store.” Huh -- Buying this. First off, I think that’s nice. Secondly, that title’s too just ridiculously opulent in its stupidity to pass up. Third, the name of the city the comic’s set in? Nalus Toyocom. Sure, who wouldn’t want to live in a city called Nalus Toyocom. I don’t know if this’ll be good or not (art seems okay), but… I have to find out what these guys are thinking with these names. Oh, apparently they make some sort of Web-cartoon, too. Huh -- seem like creative guys, even if possibly dealing with some sort of weird alcoholic gin-fetish… Yeah, I’m looking forward to this actually.
TOP COW 2003 COMPILATION SPECIAL PI
VIOLENT MESSIAHS SGN LASER MAT PRINT $34.95
MADONNA optioned this! When you think VIOLENT MESSIAHS, think Madonna??? And what sort of movie will it be? “With its successful release of AGENT CODY BANKS, Maverick will be concentrating on its franchise-type film projects with VIOLENT MESSIAHS at the top of its list.” CODY BANKS, VIOLENT MESSIAHS… man, everything’s a movie lately. EVERYTHING. Little known fact -- that comic CAPTAIN MARVEL? That’s where they got that movie BOAT TRIP from -- the one where Cuba Gooding Jr. is on the gay cruise, and he’s pretending to be gay so that America will laugh? That’s totally the plot to CAPTAIN MARVEL. Everything’s a movie now! I don’t know anything about VIOLENT MESSIAHS, but with Madonna behind it, I’m sure we can all safely say, “Godfuckingdammit, I hope Madonna doesn’t act in it. Oh god, please, could all the gay men in this country come to their senses, and we can quit pretending this sow is worth hearing about?” I think we can all hold hands and sing that, like that Coke commercial about having a Coke and a smile, only with sort of a William Orbit remix…
WITCHBLADE NOTTINGHAM $4.99
WITCHBLADE moves to England where she has a romance with Hugh Grant, who happens to own a little travel book bookstore and a wacky roommate? Wait, no, that’s WITCHBLADE NOTTING HILL.
If the Aliens were to crossover with NOTTING HILL, I’d guess that we could all safely say, “Godfuckingdammit, I hope Madonna doesn’t act in it.” Also, I think we’d agree it’d be fun to watch an alien explode out of Hugh Grant’s face. I like Hugh Grant, after ABOUT A BOY, but even still -- face, exploding, aliens bursting out mid-faux-charming-stutter… I’d buy a ticket for that, sure.
MARVEL
CAPTAIN AMERICA WHAT PRICE GLORY #3 $2.99
Ouch, what price bad reviews? Is anyone being kind to this comic? People, they’re not exactly being kind. It’s tragic -- Steve Rude’s such a wonderful artist, and I have a high enough opinion on the Bruce Jones, and yet… I glance over the comic reviews, and this thing… whew…
CAPTAIN MARVEL #7 $2.25
I like the part in the commercials where Cuba Gooding Jr. says “Hey, they all like to have sex with other men, while I prefer having sex with women -- how hilariously embarrassing. Show me the homophobic discomfort!” In this time of global crisis, America thanks you for teaching us how to laugh again, Cuba.
I’m glad I’m not both famous and named after a country. Anytime I turned on the news, they could be talking about how the U.S. wants to bomb me, and I’d have to stop to find out which Cuba they’re talking about. Which -- in the case of talking about the US military dropping bombs onto Cuba… we could theoretically be talking about Cuba Gooding. It’d just be an EYE FOR AN EYE for the bomb he dropped on us with SNOW DOGS. “Show me the payback beyotch!”
MARVEL UNIVERSE VOL 1 THANOS INFINITY ABYSS TP $17.99
MARVILLE #6 $2.25
NEW X-MEN #138 $2.25
PUNISHER #23 $2.99
SOLDIER X #9 $2.25
THE HOOD VOL 1 BLOOD FROM STONES TP (MR) $14.99
Fuck that, try still having something to say about these goddamn titles after fucking 9 months of this fucking bullshit Diamond crap-ass lists… blood from stones, my ass, motherfucker…
THUNDERBOLTS #77 $2.25
TRUTH RED WHITE BLACK #5 (Of 6) $3.50
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #38 $2.25
WOLVERINE LEGENDS VOL 3 LAW OF THE JUNGLE TP $12.99
X-MEN 2 MOVIE PREQUEL NIGHTCRAWLER $3.50
X-MEN 2 MOVIE PREQUEL WOLVERINE $3.50
When is X-MEN 2 MOVIE PREQUEL: DISAPPOINTMENT shipping because I’d like to get in on that early because I’m busy, and I just don’t wait until… I’m lying about the disappointment thing -- I didn’t like the first one, so I’m not going to be disappointed if…
X-MEN RONIN #2 (Of 5) $2.99
WIZARD
DF BOTP #1 LTD ED 10TH ANNIV PACKAGE $16.99
TOYFARE MARVEL MINI MATES CVR #69 $4.99
COMICS
AI TEMPI DI BOCCHAN 4 TP $12.99
This almost sounds like something Sabado Gigante would yell if some big-assed Hispanic girl bends over on his show. I don’t mind not speaking Spanish because I live in L.A. I mind that I don’t speak Spanish because I’m missing out on all those Sabado Gigante’s, man…
ALL NEW TENCHI MUYO VOL 1 TP ALIEN NATION $8.95
ARTESIA #1 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA #2 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA #3 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA #4 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA #5 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
ARTESIA #6 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
BEST OF THE WEST #34 $6.95
Yeah, but if it’s BEST BAD COMIC OF THE WEST, why would I want to pay 7 bucks for that? I can get MARVILLE for 2 this week, or just wait for the comic-burning.
Remember when they’d burn music by the way, back in the good old days? You know what they do now to destroy DIXIE CHICKS CDs? The Dixie Chicks is a country music band that … forgot they played COUNTRY MUSIC, and accidentally spoke their mind, which Americans hate when we’re about to go to war for freedom. But they’re not burning the CDs.
What are they doing? They got a 33,000-pound tractor destroying ‘em!!! Which -- I’m not a big fan of destroying art, but… if they managed to get their hands on a 33,000-pound tractor, I kind of have to give it up to them on that. They didn’t go halfsies, you know? Liberal protests – it’s some kid playing hacky-sack telling me about how you can make paper out of weed. There’s no 33,000-pound tractor… Well done…
BETTY & VERONICA #186 $2.19
BETTY & VERONICA DIGEST #137 $2.39
BIG FUNNIES #8 (A) $4.99
BONDAGE FAIRIES EXTREME #15 (A) $3.50
BONEYARD SPECIAL SWIMSUIT ISSUE (MR) $2.95
Speaking of the ol’ politics, my favorite butchery of the English language this week? ROAD MAP. Oh, the Middle East has been at each other’s throats for the last 60 some years, if not centuries before that, if not millennia… but Bush figured out what they’ve been doing wrong: No one called AAA. They didn’t know where they were going because they didn’t plan out their trip with AAA like everyone else does. Bush, he’s a good ol’ boy, he just called himself up some of that Triple-A, and he’s got himself a ROAD MAP, YEEEEE-HAAAAAH, let’s rope some broncos, woooo.
And all these serious journalists reporting on it, all of them now, “Well, it depends on how the, uh, road map, uh--” You can hear that playah’-hatah Terry Gross’s thought process get completely derailed. He’s got a ROAD MAP to peace!! Get on the road, and get to peace, and there’ll be surfing for everybody -- my god, they’ve turned the Middle East into a Beach Boys song.
When’s Bush going to find a TREASURE MAP to Middle East peace? Aaaaarrrrrr, matey, Middle East peace is right by me treasure gold… yar har har, and a bottle of gin, with the JUNKBOTZ crew…
CARDCAPTOR SAKURA #34 $2.99
CAT RETURNS ANIME COMIC #1 $10.99
CATCH AS CATCH CAN (RES) $9.95
CITY LIGHTS IGORT TP $4.00
COMIC BOOK HEAVEN VOL 2 #8 (Note Price) $2.95
COOS WORLD #1 $13.99
I want to find out about this comic, but there’s no information about it on the Web? I can’t find it by Google, anyway. Why would you go through all the trouble of going through Diamond and not have any Web presence?? I wanted to find out if COOS was a derogatory word for the female genitalia because there is a word, but I’m not sure if that’s coos or cuze or how that’s spelled. So what I do then, is I type in, well, I type in the other simile for the female genitalia, “Pussy” and then “Cuze” into the ol’ Google. Here’s what I find out: Guys who use the word “pussy” on a Web site use the word CUZE. But not as another simile, but because they want to abbreviate BECAUSE. And instead of typing BECAUSE or ‘CAUSE or even CUZ… they don’t type CUZ… they type CUZE… so… surprisingly, all those MENSA sites about the proper usage of the word pussy -- I can’t find those. Fucking MENSA thinks they’re so smart, man…
In conclusion, FUCK this comic.
CROSSOVERS #3 $2.95
CRUX #24 $2.95
DF ASTRO CITY LOCAL HEROES SGN #1 $69.99
DF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN SGN #25 $14.99
DF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN SGN #26 $14.99
DISAPPEARER ANDREA BRUNO TP $4.00
This is the creepiest title I’ve seen in a while. If I were Andrea Bruno, I’d run for it. Has anyone stalked a girl via comics before? That’s a frontier, I suppose. A creepy frontier. It must’ve happened in Japan, at the very least…
ELVIRA #119 $2.50
EVENFALL #1 (MR) $2.95
FADE FROM BLUE #6 $1.50
FIGHTING YANK AND THE SENTNELS OF AMERICA #1 $5.95
FIREFIGHTER DAIGO OF FIRE COMPANY M VOL 2 GN SPECIAL ED (RES) $9.95
FIST FULL OF BLOOD HC $14.95
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Not that a fistful of blood is something you WANT, exactly. A Fistful of DOLLARS or a Fistful of DYNAMITE (the forgotten Sergio Leone film, for some reason)(also known as DUCK YOU SUCKER, but I prefer calling it FISTFUL OF DYNAMITE obviously)… those are things you want in your hand. Well, not LIT dynamite, but in a fight, you’d want a stick if you could. But in a fight, you wouldn’t want a fistful of blood. Maybe diseased blood? Or… maybe you could throw the blood in the other dude’s eyes, and then punch him? Or maybe you could throw it on Carrie White’s prom dress or… I don’t even know.
Also, isn’t it FISTFUL and not FIST FULL? Maybe this isn’t a spaghetti western reference, at which point I’d have to retract my unnecessarily long YEAH. Hmmm, I feel misled…
FIST OF NORTH STAR MASTER ED VOL 3 GN (MR) $17.95
FOOTLICKER #2 (A) $3.50
No one in comics can draw feet, though! Haven’t they ever noticed how the panel always stops right at the ankles? It’s a nice idea, but … Rob Liefeld’s footlicker -- it’d just be people licking this square…
Is the sequel going to be Asslicker or Toesucker, do you think? I’m guessing TOESUCKER.
FRANCESCO STELLA ANDREA PAZIENZA TP $14.99
This almost sounds like something Sabado Gigante would yell if some big-assed Hispanic girl bends over on his show, if Sabado Gigante were Italian.
GENERIC COMIC BOOK #12 $1.95
This almost sounds like something Sabado Gigante would yell if some big-assed Hispanic girl bends over on his show, if Sabado Gigante were a fucking loser.
GIBOULES $25.95
GLOOM COOKIE #15 (MR) $2.95
GROWING UP ENCHANTED #3 $2.95
GUNDAM WING LAST OUTPOST VOL 2 TP (Of 3) $9.99
HOLLIDAY #5 $3.00
HOPELESS SAVAGES VOL 2 GROUND ZERO TP $11.95
HOW LOATHSOME #1 (MR) $2.95
HOW LOATHSOME sounds like some dirty, dirty Nickelodeon show… let’s see -- oh, this is a gay-friendly comic. That’s nice. May I recommend CAPTAIN MARVEL, as well, because that’s totally where they got that movie BOAT TRIP from?
JUDGE ANDERSON HOUR OF THE WOLF GN $16.95
JUGHEADS DOUBLE DIGEST #93 $3.59
KISOTENGAKU PHANTASMAGORIA TP #2 (OF 3) $13.99
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #77 $3.99
LUFTWAFFE 1946 #7 $5.95
LUNA LEILA MARZOCCHI TP $4.00
MERIDIAN TRAVELER VOL 1 FLYING SOLO $9.95
NANTUCKET BROWN ROASTERS #1 (Of 2) $2.00
NEL BAR 1 TP $10.99
Okay, if Don Knotts were to fight Nell Carter from GIMME A BREAK? Nell’s got the weight, but Knotts got the wiles. Brain versus Brawn? That’s a tough call.
ODDS OFF GN $14.95
PANEL TWO MORE SCRIPTS BY TOP COMICS WRITERS VOL 2 TP $20.95
POISON ELVES #72 (RES) $2.95
RAIJIN COMICS #15 (MR) $4.95
ROUTE 666 #10 $2.95
SCION #34 $2.95
SILENT MOBIUS VOL 10 TP BLOOD $12.95
SIMPSONS COMIC MADNESS TP $14.95
SINATRA TP $10.99
SKETCH STEFANO RICCI TP $4.00
The sequel is TEABAG STEFANO RICCI, but the less said about the sequel, the better. Ricci’s a sick, sick man…
SLAINE THE HORNED GOD VOL 2 $14.95
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG #121 $2.19
SPECTER 7 #1 $4.95
STRANGERS IN PARADISE VOL 12 TP HEART IN HAND $12.95
STYLISH VITTLES VOL 2 ALL THE WAY TP (MR) $17.00
SUPERCAR #0 (Of 5) $2.95
… Seriously? Is this some sort of joke? This is a joke; this isn’t real.
TAXISTA TP $13.99
TRANSFORMERS ARMADA #9 $2.95
TRANSFORMERS GN LEGACY OF UNICRON $19.95
TWILIGHT X STORM #2 $3.50
VAGABOND VOL 5 TP $9.95
VAMPI #7 UNDERWORLD PART 1 OF 3 DLX ED (O/A) $9.95
VAMPIRELLA #11-14 LTD CVR SET $29.95
VAMPIRELLA #4 LTD CVR ED (O/A) $9.95
WAKE VOL 4 & 5 SIGN OF THE DEMONS (MR) $14.95
WARHAMMER MONTHLY #66 $3.50
WILD LIFE THE CARDINAL COLLECTION $7.95
The Cardinal collection? It’s all the little-boy fucking you can ask for in a comic? Eeewwwww…
CONCLUSIONS
The guy who’s hosting Letterman tonight -- I have never seen this guy in my life. Who the fuck?? Creepy. Where’s Tom Snyder? Why can’t they get Tom Snyder out of retirement? Man, I miss Tom Snyder, and that freakish laugh of his, or the long stories about Zeta the lady who’d sell him tomatoes? The first Tom Snyder show I ever saw, he just talked about Zeta the lady who sold him tomatoes for a good 10 minutes. And that wasn’t the only time he ever talked about her on the show either…
Man, I wish Don Knotts would fight Tom Snyder. Knotts is a smaller guy, so he’d be faster, but Snyder’s got that crazy laugh -- he’d be crazier, scarier, he’d psych out Don Knotts, GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN-style.
If Tom Snyder had a windshield scraper … oh man, we need Snyder out of retirement… (Man, I hope I’m not the only person who remembers Tom Snyder…)
HEY, SOMEBODY DID TRANSLATE THIS COMIC
There’s a phenomena on the Internet called SCANLATIONS that I haven’t seen another comic columnist really address. Here’s what it is: people who have a song and make a copy of it for themselves on the Internet? It’s like that, only for untranslated Japanese manga, which these people then GO AHEAD and translate, and put up on their Web site for other people who presumably have a copy of it… or maybe those who don’t as well.
In other words, the manga that can’t get published over here, a lot is on the Internet being translated by fans. And when it gets published, they take it off their sites -- all the SHONEN JUMP comics, BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL, etc., all had a period in which they were scanlated. American distributors seem aware of it; some, in fact, seem supportive, perhaps on an understanding that such sites can create an audience for translations that weren’t there before (because reading off the Internet is inconvenient).
I don’t know what to make of the phenomena. It’s copyright infringement. It’s theft. On the other hand, it’s stealing from a market that wasn’t buying their work to begin with -- it was all in Japanese before. Do I have a personal problem stealing stuff off the Internet? No, but I don’t really have the best moral compass when it comes to intellectual property theft…
Regardless, I thought it’d be interesting to talk about one of these series, especially since one series seems particularly deserving: TWENTIETH CENTURY BOYS by Naoki Urasawa.
Vertigo has been trying to do TWENTIETH CENTURY BOYS since its inception; it just doesn’t know it. Fans of Y THE LAST MAN’s Stephen King-esque moments would obsess over this series, which takes King’s ability to follow characters from childhood to adulthood as a starting point.
The series follows a group of friends as kids, and then follows them as adults. A childhood symbol that united them as kids has started turning up in their adult lives. The symbol, as well as short phrases from that time, are being manipulated by an apocalyptic cult leader who may be one of their childhood friends (which -- they have those in Japan, so it’s not as silly as it sounds… well, it’s a little silly…). It’s my understanding that in volume 5, the series changes even more dramatically, adding a third timeline to the narrative; I’ve not read that far into it.
The comic’s hardly supernatural, nor is it hyperexaggerated in the way some people expect from the Japanese -- outside the few intentional moments with the cult leader, the comic’s got a naturalism to it that I haven’t seen from many Japanese comics. And the transitions from the character’s childhoods to their adulthoods is sort of inherently fascinating, I think.
More information about the creator is available here.
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