November 13, 2002
Each week, Diamond Comics posts the New Comics Release List -- a weekly list of comics coming to a store near you this Wednesday.
Here, we have a snapshot of comics as they truly are, in all their Glory and their Gory.
But before we get to that, there’s some more DC News coming in as I type this -- BREAKING STORY -- it’s been raining DC news all weekend. Ahh, let’s see -- in 2004, DC will bring back HAWK AND DOVE again, apparently. It’ll be a terrific book before it’s cancelled, I hear -- that’s wonderful. In 2005, Geoff Johns and his clone will start drunkenly tongue-kissing at the DC Christmas Party, and gross everyone out. They’ll have clones in 2005 apparently, so I’m excited about that. In 2006, DC will release a comic book made of human flesh -- DC Comics is PEOPLE! It’s PEOPLE!
DC, rather than parcel the hype about their upcoming books in small doses, decided to release as much hype as is humanly possible this weekend.
Involving, among other things: a Superman comic written by John Cleese (MONTY PYTHON, A FISH CALLED WANDA, FAULTY TOWERS, holy shit!)(???), and… and… I’m not quite sure what else. It’s all a bit much to process. I can barely remember my cell phone number, let alone this much comic news at one time. Our circuits are completely overloaded.
All the news is slightly unusual. A little queer. I feel like they’re obviously trying to sneak things by me -- they could hide something truly horrific in the middle of as much good news as they can gather together. Who would notice?
Kyle Baker’s PLASTIC MAN? Sure. SOLO? Okay. A new Peter Milligan SHADE story with Mike Allred? Great. Photographs of charred, syphilitic babies? Fine -- I wonder how the babies got the syphilis and/or burned! A new BATMAN mini-series? You don’t say!
It looks like an impressive line-up from out here, but… every summer, I get excited by the summer movies coming out. “Wow, it’s going to be fucking ACTION-riffic, this summer!” I say. And then every August, I find myself in some conversation that begins, “Well, Mark Wahlberg’s in a really bad situation when the monkeys start talking” or “Angelina Jolie sure loves to raid tombs, apparently.” Once the dust settles, I’m sure it’ll look a little less interesting. All I know, no matter what’s going on in the Internet news/gossip: I go to my comic shop on Wednesday, and wander around for about a half-hour trying to find something cool, and end up with some Oni comic about some girl who has her tongue pierced or something. So hopefully this news amounts to something, because that bitch is really starting to freak me out with the tongue-studs and the what-have-you.
Some animals will devour their food then regurgitate the food into their children’s mouths because their children are too weak to chew. So for anyone that needs help, I’m going to fill that role this week with this DC news -- try to reduce this mess into some broad strokes we can all make some sense out of.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
The opinions contained within do not reflect those of Kevin Smith or any other member of the Movie Poop Shoot staff--- -- past, present or future--- -- including possibly the author's own, and should not be taken too seriously.
Winona Rider’s getting the book thrown at her for shoplifting, while Halle Berry, who I seem to recall driving OVER people, is fucking up the new BOND movie? Man, when the public stops wanting to fuck you, life sure does go south for the ladies, doesn’t it?
INTRODUCTION
Even after all that news from DC, I have to say the two news stories that most caught my eye this week are two from Marvel -- both totally unsubstantiated rumors, but…
Story #1: E! Online reports that the rumor is they’re trying to get Robert Deniro to play DOCTOR OCTUPUS in the next SPIDER-MAN movie.
Which is great since I always thought what was missing from the last SPIDER-MAN movie was a scene where Spider-Man killed Jodie Foster’s pimp. I hope DeNiro signs on because usually he just plays a raving psychopath -- I think it’d be a real stretch for him as an actor to see him play a raving psychopath with metal octopus-arms coming out of his fucking chest. It’d make for a hilarious INSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO, anyway, if nothing else.
And story #2: Stan Lee rumored to be thinking about suing Marvel to get a bigger cut of the SPIDER-MAN pie, having co-created the character -- the other co-creator, Steve Ditko, of course, has never sued on account of the fact that he read the FOUNTAINHEAD once or something. I don’t really have a great grasp on what it is exactly that Ditko believes, but he doesn’t seem fond of making a fuss.
All this was set off by a story on 60 MINUTES II. The 60 MINUTES II team was doing a story on Marvel, and tried to find an “angle.” Next thing you know, we might have another lawsuit to follow.
Which means only one thing: we’re that much closer to the comic-creator edition of the RICKI LAKE SHOW that we’ve all dreamt of. Sure, everyone would prefer JERRY SPRINGER, but hell, I’m sure Marvel would have preferred the real 60 MINUTES and not that shitty knock-off 60 MINUTES II. I’d settle for RICKI, at this point. RICKI’s good people.
If Robert DeNiro could throw a chair at Mark Millar’s head on the RICKI LAKE SHOW, wouldn’t the world just be a better place, if only for an hour? Well, not so much for Mark Millar, but for the viewers. Or at least that segment of the viewers not related to and/or especially fond of Mark Millar, say.
But for everyone else: DeNiro, chair, Ricki Lake, Mark Millar, concussion, DC trying to burst into the door yelling “Look at us! Please! We have a new OUTSIDERS series! Please! We need your blooooood!” It’d be a ratings bonanza.
A new OUTSIDERS series? Judd Winnick’s cool, but… the OUTSIDERS? Was I alive when the last OUTSIDERS series was coming out? I’m serious -- I never saw that comic once when I was a kid (no comic shop nearby). The comic was called BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS, but then Batman quit. I think the other OUTSIDERS tried to have solo projects, but then they faded off into obscurity. Wait, maybe I’m thinking of Andrew Ridgely of WHAM! Hmmm, no, I’m thinking of the OUTSIDERS. Wait, maybe Andrew Ridgely of WHAM was in the OUTSIDERS.
Wake me up… before you go-go? Is that song about when BATMAN quit the team?
Wait, let me check the lyrics… hmmm, yeah, I think that song was about BATMAN. “Wake me up before you go-go/don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo” – obviously a reference to the Bat-grappling-hook as seen in the movies -- “I don’t want to miss it when you hit that high” – uhm, Batman hits people.
Fuck, Andrew Ridgely of WHAM is a fucking poet (and quite possibly Metamorpho)… I had no idea.
COMING TO A COMIC SHOP NEAR YOU THIS WEDNESDAY
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for the current week, as well as those products expected to ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: November 13
The following products are expected to ship to comic book specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for availability.
Tentative… subject to change… Why can’t you commit, Diamond? Diamond’s afraid of commitment. You been hurt before Diamond? Are you never going to dance again guilty feet have got no rhythm, much like Andrew Ridgely of WHAM fame, Diamond?
Tentative, subject to change -- I feel like there’s some poor middle-aged guy at Diamond who’d rather be typing a list of girls he sweatily tried to feel up at some junior high homecoming dance, rather than a list of comic books. But he only gets paid for the latter, much as he’d rather take us through his wistful memories.
You make me sad, Diamond Comics. You’re breakin’ my heart this week, you poor bastard. So I’m never going to dance again. The way I danced with you? Damn you, Ridgely! Damn you to hell!
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
DARK HORSE
BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL #73 FALL FROST (PART 1 OF 6) $2.99
I lived in Ohio and Michigan before moving to Los Angeles, so I have very clear memories of what fall frost is like. Sure enough, it usually involved blood-thirsty immortal samurai. I get too nostalgic when I read this comic book.
I hope this is like that movie JACK FROST. “He’s chillin’…. And killin!” Fuck, that movie had it all. It had chilling. And it had killing. What else do you need?
COWBOY BEBOP ZIPPO LIGHTER $29.99
Dude, go into any 7-11 and they give you matches for FREE. What was wrong with matches? Matches just seem healthier to me.
FELIX THE CAT ORNAMENT $19.95
HELLBOY ORNAMENT $19.99
That’s great. This way, Santa Claus feels guilty about all the toys he’s given you over the years. “He didn’t need the Transformers. He should have been getting out more. He should’ve been on the naughty list more. Poor, poor bastard.” Thank you, Dark Horse.
OH MY GODDESS QUEEN SAYOKO TP $16.95
Well, oh my goodness, KING FANCYPANTS!!!
STAR WARS EMPIRE #3 $2.99
“WHO DA’ MAN? YODA MAN!” That’s the new Star Wars ad campaign: YODA MAN, instead of YOU DA’ MAN. I -- I have nothing intelligible to say about it. Just shock. Just pure shock that they’d want to inflict that on me. I never did anything to them or their families, and yet: YODA MAN.
My secret dream is that the people who are running STAR WARS into the ground team up with the people who are running the SIMPSONS into the ground (season premiere sucked), and they start a biker gang. Anytime anything looks like it might turn out fun or entertaining, they could descend like locust and destroy it. Then again, in Los Angeles -- yeah, I think that job’s taken already. The president of ABC had a daughter or something…
SUPER MANGA BLAST #26 (MR) $5.99
SWAC ZAM WESELL MINI BUST $48.00
I don’t even think I can pronounce that. Zeb Wells should sue.
That sounds like a fucking THREE STOOGES sound effect. In Croatia, when they translate the HONEYMOONERS, that’s what “Bang! Pow! To the Moon!” sounds like. SWAC ZAM WESELL, ALICE! SWAC ZAM WESELL! Only, “To the Moon” translates “To the tractor,” I think. They’ve given up on the whole cosmonaut thing.
Fuck, how much cooler does Cosmonaut sound than Astronaut? Personally, I’d rather be a Cosmonaut. Then again, with the Republicans now in power, I probably shouldn’t admit things like that. I think that makes me “Red.”
DC COMICS
ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #610 $2.25
Okay, let’s sort through this news. On the weekend, DC announced and/or hyped the following: Kurt Busiek/Stuart Immomen’s SUPERMAN: SECRET IDENTITY, John… John Cleese’s SUPERMAN: TRUE BRIT, Mark Waid/Leinil Yu’s SUPERMAN: BIRTHRIGHT, Jeph Loeb and Ed Mcguiness’s SUPERMAN/BATMAN, Chuck Austen/Daniel Zezelji’s SUPERMAN: METROPOLIS, a SMALLVILLE ongoing series, and, of course, Vivid Video’s SUPERMAN: INSTALLING CABLE JUST GOT SPERMY. Also, conspicuously absent on the list was Mark Millar’s SUPERMAN: RED SON, on account of the fact that the people at DC apparently hate Mark Millar’s fucking guts.
So let me sum that up for you: there’s a fuck-load of comic books coming out about a character that I only ever hear people bitch about.
I never hear people all happy about SUPERMAN. I just hear them bitch endlessly about those comics. “Oh, why did that arc go on so long? Why is the art all cartoony? Why isn’t the villain more of a threat to Superman? Who’s my real dad, you slut?” That’s all I ever fucking hear from SUPERMAN fans -- fucking bitching. Like a bunch of old people, the SUPERMAN fans -- “You’re messin’ with my Superman and you’re messin’ with my social security and you’re messin’ with my Matlock and -- OWWW, mah hips!” Either stop reading the comics or shut the piehole, already.
But apparently, there’s a big audience for that book who either a) doesn’t make a peep and buys it happily, if silently, or b) really enjoys fodder to bitch about.
John Cleese, though -- I must admit I’m impressed by the John Cleese, as anyone of any sense whatsoever should be. Statements that he needs Graham Chapman to be funny -- well, I didn’t think Chapman had anything to do with A FISH CALLED WANDA. Though I think that movie did come out while Chapman was still alive, so I think I’m misinterpreting the idea there.
WANDA is one of those movies that always makes me laugh -- Kevin Kline, especially (in particular, there’s a small scene where Kevin Kline’s trying to force himself to apologize that goes something like “I’m sor-sor. I’m sor -- I’m so sorrr-FUCK YOU!”). Almost as funny to me as the BIG LEBOWSKI (the rumor that the Coens want to do a sequel to that movie, focusing on the Jesus character, is also news I’m INTENSELY interested in). Do I think the SUPERMAN thing will be funny? Well, I don’t know. A lot of people come from out of comics and try to do “funny comics,” but just end up telling jokes that are already a bit stale, not realizing it’s been done before. Still… Cleese. The last thing he wrote was, what, FIERCE CREATURES? That was awful, but still… John Cleese is definitely on my “Last Person I’d Expect to Write a Fucking Comic Book” list (though granted, I have a longer list than most people), and I have to admit I’m a bit hopeful there.
AZRAEL AGENT OF THE BAT #96 $2.95
DC announced this weekend that this comic will still suck. That’s good to know. It’s good to have an anchor in this ever-changing world, isn’t it? Republicans in power, Democrats in power -- fuck it, as long as I stare at AZRAEL blankly and think “96 issues? How the fuck???” we’ll all be okay. All I am saying is give peace a chance. Though maybe you don’t want to give AZRAEL a chance because, Jesus, that’s a stupid title for a comic book. AGENT OF THE BAT, indeed.
BATGIRL #34 $2.50
BATMAN #608 2ND PTG $2.25
BATMAN FAMILY BUGG & DR EXCESS #3 (Of 8) $2.25
… did BATMAN join Motley Crue and noone told me? He’s the one you call, Dr. Excess?
(What’s going on this week? It’s TITLE BOUT: THE MUSICAL this week. I feel like this week is all my subconscious’s elaborate ploy to finally get a shot at Martha Quinn.)
BUGG & DR. EXCESS??? That’s a title for a comic book from one of the two biggest comic publishers in North America?? Did someone get paid to think up that title? US Dollars or pesos? This is all NAFTA’s fault. If you’d just stopped and listened to Pat Buchanan for five minutes, he’d have explained how BATMAN FAMILY BUGG & DR. EXCESS is all the fault of the Mexican, and we could’ve avoided this.
I apologize to Mexico for the above “joke.” Mexico has enough problems -- they don’t need the blame for BUGG & DR. EXCESS in their laps.
BATMAN LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT #161 $2.50
BATMAN YEAR TWO FEAR THE REAPER TP NEW EDITION $17.95
Okay, BATMAN news: Kia Asiyama’s Japanese manga BATMAN is being released stateside. Greg Rucka has BATMAN: DEATH AND THE MAIDEN which, based on the title, is about that time Batman raped Sigourney Weaver??? Always fun to see Sigourney, in so far as Sigourney Weaver? Still very hot. She’s really quite old, and yet still very, very good-looking -- not a lot of people you can say that about. Young actresses complain about good parts drying up as they get older, but I think they should stop complaining and follow the example that Sigourney Weaver has set: stay hot.
FABLES #7 (MR) $2.50
GEN 13 #3 $2.95
GREEN LANTERN #156 $2.25
GREEN LANTERN EVILS MIGHT #3 (Of 3) $5.95
Evils might make you spend 6 bones on a shitty Green Lantern comic. I hate evils.
HARLEY QUINN #26 $2.50
HUNTER THE AGE OF MAGIC #17 (MR) $2.75
INVISIBLES TP #7 THE INVISIBLE KINGDOM (MR) $19.95
Oh man, I love the INVISIBLES, but this is where the series just fucked itself up entirely, isn’t it? Volume 1 and Volume 2 I enjoyed as much as I’ve enjoyed any comic ever, but Volume 3, it just spun out of control. I enjoyed it anyway, but… it got so FAR away from the characters that it was just too difficult for me to follow. I wouldn’t have it any other way -- that was sort of the pleasure of the INVISIBLES, in part, just seeing what Morrison would try out next. Watching him fail is more fun for me than watching other people succeed. But… it’s Act 3 and the main characters barely show up? An occasionally sexy car wreck, but a car wreck nonetheless. But the last few issues make up for it -- #1, especially, makes up for anything… Morrison, Frank Quitely, tying up all the bits and pieces. Oh well…
I want to flip through this trade to see the new pages, though. They hired the worst possible artists on the last few issues of the INVISIBLES, and apparently, those artists didn’t do a good job of following the script. So, DC has gone back, apparently, and gotten a great artist, Cameron Stewart -- just a terrific artist -- to redraw some of those pages.
I hope that LOSERS book they announced is good. I hear nice things about the Andrew Diggle, and I like what I’ve seen of the Jock art (even if I think he should get a proper name -- his name is Jock??).
JLA SECRET ORIGINS OVERSIZED SC $7.95
JSA #42 $2.50
MAD MAGAZINE #424 $3.50
I was reminded somehow of SPY VERSUS SPY this weekend. Antonio Prohias was a political cartoonist driven out of Cuba by Fidel Castro, and he did this strip for MAD called SPY VERSUS SPY -- apparently, Peter Kuper has taken it over since. For a while, there were videogames, and these were fairly well-known characters -- I don’t get the feeling anyone remembers them much… it’s just such a pure idea. One spy’s dressed in white, the other spy’s dressed in black, and they try to kill each other. That’s the WHOLE thing.
I don’t know -- I enjoyed being reminded of it. There’s a lot of talk about how important stories or writing is in comics now. I don’t know. Stories, writing -- you can get that anywhere. USA Television makes their own movies now. ESPN makes their own made-for-ESPN movies. There’s no shortage of stories or writing in the world. Which isn’t to say that it’s not important -- of course, it has its place. I was flipping through a NIGHTWING comic at the shop the other day -- I have no idea who writes NIGHTWING, no idea whatsoever, I’m sure they’re quite nice and would find Egg McMuffin sandwiches quite tasty, but I was just lounging around, flipping through this and that. And this NIGHTWING comic -- it was just STUFFED with words everywhere. There was an artist underneath all that stuff somewhere, but god knows how much fun they were having…
But you take something like SPY VERSUS SPY -- it really doesn’t make any sense as anything besides a one- or two-page comic. That sort of thing seems awfully dead right now. CALVIN AND HOBBES -- gone. THE FAR SIDE -- gone. Prohias passed away. Chuck Jones -- gone, etc., etc., etc.
MEK #1 (Of 3) $2.95
Early word on this isn’t great, so I’m going to wait until I hear more opinions. Steve Rolston looks interesting with color, though.
NIGHTWING #75 $2.95
POINT BLANK #4 (Of 5) (MR) $2.95
SCOOBY-DOO #66 $2.25
SHAZAM ARCHIVES VOL 3 HC $49.95
SPECTRE #23 $2.75
STORMWATCH TEAM ACHILLES #5 (MR) $2.95
Well, I might get this issue because I like the preview that’s on the Internet of the first few pages. The first few pages of this comic look like fun. I picked up the last issue -- it was a reasonable read. I didn’t really buy the AUTHORITY bits, at all, artificial, but the earlier bits were enjoyable.
But Whilce Portacio’s art -- I’d been told it was “out there,” but no one really prepared me psychologically for how blisteringly trans-friendly it was. Boys who are girls who are boys who are girls. You’ve got to work it, girl -- COVERGIRL! After all that hooplah over the fact that the AUTHORITY had some gay people in it, somehow DC doesn’t notice the fact that all the guys in this comic look like they’re about to go to Sweden for the final “treatment.” I was REALLY into Portacio’s X-FACTOR work (the arc where Ship died, in particular), so I find the change in his style really pretty startling.
But yeah, I’ll probably finish out the arc on this. It’s a reasonable comic.
SUPERMAN #14 STATUE $149.95
Wait, there’s been 14 of these things for a $150 a pop, so that’s, what, $2100 for a complete set. Could whoever’s buying these statues get me a job? Apparently, you’re the CEO of some Fortune 500 company. I’d like to work for you. Could I -- could I send you my resume? I promise I won’t make fun of your Superman statues. You know, to your face or anything.
SUPERMAN DAY OF DOOM #1 (Of 4) $2.95
Haha, oh man, Dan Jurgens inked by Bill Sienkiewicz. It’s like Van Gogh painting over a drawing of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Sienkiewicz is just this amazing, amazing artist, but he likes being an inker-for-hire, I guess. And you end up with these really out-there Dan Jurgens comics as a result. Dan Jurgens is just one of those Definitions in Boredom guys to me. I’ve always just been bored by the guy. Seeing a Seinkiewicz touch over him is just -- well, first off, it’s pleasing to look at because I love seeing Seienkiewicz do anything. But… it’s just unexpected.
THUNDERCATS SOURCEBOOK $2.95
TOM STRONGS TERRIFIC TALES #5 $2.95
WAR STORY: THE REIVERS (MR) $4.95
Oh, buying this maybe. I’ve never read any of the Garth Ennis war comics, and I guess that’s what the main thrust of his serious work’s been since PREACHER. I haven’t read an Ennis comic in ages since he’s not funny to me, so I avoid his humor comics. But ... it’d be nice to read the guy again. More importantly, this is drawn by Cam Kennedy, whose art I haven’t seen in a long time. I’d like to see some of his pages again. And… I don’t know -- a war comic doesn’t sound like too bad a thing this week. I’m sort of in the mood for it.
WILDCATS STREET SMART TP $14.95
IMAGE
NOBLE CAUSES FAMILY SECRETS OEMING CVR #2 $2.95
SPAWN #120 $2.50
TELLOS SONS AND MOONS (RES) $5.95
Please, I beg you all. Stop with the fucking puns. I don’t even think they’re puns anymore. I seriously just think you can’t spell. It’s okay -- neither can I. Call your comics something easier to spell then -- call your comic HAT. I’d read HAT.
Look at AZRAEL AGENT OF THE BAT… you know why that comic’s survived for 96 issues? Look how easy BAT is to spell. B-A-T Bat. 96 issues. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
TOMB RAIDER JOURNEYS #8 (Of 12) $2.99
TOMB RAIDER THE GREATEST TREASURE OF ALL PRELUDE $4.99
WITCHBLADE #60 $2.99
MARVEL
AVENGERS ICONS VISION #4 (Of 4) $2.99
BLACK PANTHER #51 $2.50
CALL OF DUTY THE PRECINCT #5 (Of 5) $2.25
I was looking at some police statistics yesterday, for various reasons. New York City had to pay 70 million in settlement or jury awards in claims alleging “improper police actions”(i.e. beat downs) between 1994 and 1996. New York City pays around 2 million dollars a month in police misconduct charges. I don’t know how the city lawyers handle those cases (i.e. at what rate they settle right away, what sort of review process they use, etc.), so the number’s about 70% meaningless, but… whoo-wee, I’d sure love 2 million dollars.
DAREDEVIL THE TARGET #1 (Of 4) $3.50
This kicks DAREDEVIL: THE K-MART’s fucking ass! Incidentally, I like the new Target commercials, with the rock music and the big red circles.
INCREDIBLE HULK VOL 1 HC $29.99
IRON MAN #61 $2.25
KILLRAVEN #2 (Of 6) $2.99
MARVEL MANGAVERSE TP VOL 2 $12.99
MEKANIX #2 (Of 6) $2.99
Hey, it’s my favorite title in comics! Shit, man, they can give Latrell Sprewell all the cyborg parts they want, SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN-style. They can give him a special robotic choke-arm, and I still don't think they'll get to the Finals unless...
Wait, isn't this comic about the Mechanized New York Knicks (i.e. the Mekanix)? Isn't this like the unofficial sequel to that Whoopie Goldberg movie EDDIE where Whoopi Goldberg coached the Knicks, only this time Whoopi orders them all turned into half-men, half-machines?
Christ, I'm halfway to an awesome pitch... we get Shaq fighting half-robot basketball players ala UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. Shaq can use Shaq Fu or the STEEL armor or those Kazaam powers or whatever he had going for him in BLUE CHIPS. But then it comes down to a big basketball game ala the NUTTY PROFESSOR, only instead of flubber, some of that TERMINATOR cyborg shit? And in the middle of all of it, some Whoopi GOldberg? Give it all an R.Kelly song like in SPACE JAM -- make sure R.Kelly can keep from urinating onto a 14-year old long enough, but that's got to be easier than dealing with Whoopi...
We could print fucking money. Huh, sounds like they’re about to trade Sprewell anyway… so much for that idea.
PUNISHER #18 $2.99
ULTIMATE X-MEN #24 $2.25
X-TREME X-MEN X-POSE #1 (Of 2) $2.99
X-POSE would make a good opening act for WHAM! if there’s ever a reunion or a -- okay, enough of the ever-popular Andrew Ridgely humor.
WIZARD
BEAUTIFUL KILLER #3 (Of 3) $2.99
The first issue of this is still in my To-Read pile. I look at the art -- I dig the Phil Noto art, but I just can’t get past the first couple pages to read this comic. Something’s just keeping me. Oh, someone wrote me, asking who put out this comic -- there you go, WIZARD. If you go in Wednesday, they should have it, Mystery Person.
TOYFARE JAY & SILENT BOB TOYS CVR #65 $4.99
TOYFARE LORD OF THE RINGS TOYS CVR #65 $4.99
TOYFARE SIMPSONS HARRY POTTER TOYS CVR #65 $4.99
COMICS
3 X 3 EYES MANGA COLL #2 $19.99
AH MY GODDESS #24 $8.99
ARCHIE AND FRIENDS #64 $1.99
ARKANIUM #2 $2.95
BANANA FISH VOL 7 TP (MR) $15.95
BATTLE ROYALE MANGA #3 $10.99
BATTLE ROYALE MANGA #4 $10.99
BETTY #119 $1.99
BETTY & VERONICA DIGEST #134 $2.19
BIG O PART 3 #1 (Of 4) $3.50
BLAB VOL 13 $19.95
BLACK HOLE #1 (O/A) (MR) $4.50
BLACK HOLE #2 (O/A) (MR) $4.50
Man, I hope this finishes up soon so I can read this when it comes out in trade. I’m sorry I missed out on this comic when it first started coming out. Everyone says it’s excellent.
BLOOD LAST VAMPIRE 2002 GN (MR) $15.95
Oh, I saw the movie of this. It was some Japanese thing combining traditional art and CGI to tell the most horrifically boring and cliché story ever. Fun to look at, but it was seriously some girl who runs around killing vampires. Story put me to sleep.
CHOBITS #5 $10.99
CHOBITS POSTCARD BOOK $19.99
CICI MINI SERIES #3 (Of 4) (MR) $2.50
CLIVE BARKERS TAPPING THE VEIN PX LEATHER BOUND ED $49.95
CLIVE BARKERS TAPPING THE VEIN TP $21.95
COMPLETE JACK KIRBY VOL 4 1947B LTD HC $40.00
CRAYON SHIN CHAN GN #1 $9.95
DARK ANGEL VOL 5 TP LEGEND OF THE SACRED BEAST II $15.95
DEARS MANGA #1 $11.99
Dear’s Manga,
Thank you for the giant robots and for all the schoolgirl costumes. Have a bitchin’ summer. Enjoy the Def Leppard concert.
Your pal forever,
AK
DF BATMAN LEE SGN #608 $19.99
DF ORIGIN HC SGN $99.99
EIKEN MANGA #5 (A) $7.99
Everytime I see this title I just imagine some surprised German. “EIKEN! MANGA! Quick, turn off the Kraftwerk -- the funboys are attacking! Eiken! EIKEN!”
ELVIRA #115 $2.50
ENOMOTO NARIKO PLUS NOBI NOBITA (A) $24.99
FUCK, dude, I was down for Enomoto Nariko, but that Nobi Nobita gives me serious gas. I’ll be farting all night. What is that made of -- ginger?
Haha -- this, of course, reminds me of the wasabi scene from JACKASS the MOVIE (fuck the snobs -- it’s what movies were made for). Which of course points us to a fun story from November 12, 2002 at YAHOO: “Teen Burns Himself Copying MTV ‘JACKASS’ STUNT.”
Here’s the good part of the story -- you can imagine most of the relevant details yourself, I’m sure. Here’s the money shot: “After suffering first-degree burns over his face and upper body, the teen-ager initially told police that someone had set his clothes on fire while he walked on a trail after attending a high school football game in Issaquah, Washington, police said.”
Isn’t that great? “Someone just ran up and set fire to me, officer! And then he left lighter fluid, an alcohol-soaked t-shirt, and a video camera in my backpack! I swear!”
Of course, the best part: no one ever lights themselves on fire in JACKASS: “We're sorry when anybody gets hurt; however, nothing like this incident described ever aired on the show or in the movie.” i.e. we don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with this asshole, either.
Is it as funny as when kids would get hurt playing in sewers trying to find the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No, but it’s still quite funny.
Man, speaking of forgotten comics, the NINJA TURTLES. Shit, remember how huge that got? I think there’s a new cartoon coming out soon, but still -- that was a tiny little black-and-white comic. The creators put out a press release on a slow news day, and it ended up getting promoted all over the country. Next thing you know, they’re insanely rich, and Kevin Eastman’s married to that scary-looking freaky-tall Penthouse Pet girl. It’s interesting that no one’s managed to do that again…
EROS GN 48 HERE COME THE LOVEJOYS (O/A) (A) $18.95
Oh no… wait, isn’t LOVEJOY that show on A&E about the upper class British art thief? What the shit kind of porno is that? Blue-blood porno’s so much more boring than working-class porno.
FADE FROM BLUE #4 (Note Price) $1.50
FAR FROM SAINTS #1 $1.50
FIGHTING YANK #5 $6.95
FORGE #8 $11.95
GHOST MANGA #1 (MR) $11.99
GLOOM COOKIE CURR PRTG #1 (O/A) (MR) $2.95
If it’s the current printing, WHO CARES? That just means that no one wanted it the first time, doesn’t it? And why would you just get the first issue, when there’s a trade for this comic out, I think…
GUILSTEIN #2 $11.99
GUILSTEIN #3 $11.99
GUNDAM THE ORIGIN MANGA #1 $11.99
HERE COMES A CANDLE TP SPECIAL PRICE PI
Oh-oh… the Candle and the Lovejoys might get into a collision. Then again, that might be the Lovejoy’s plan. He might “accidentally” repeatedly fall onto the candle? Damn you, you A&E art thief pervert!
HOPELESS SAVAGES GROUND ZERO #4 (Of 4) $2.95
INCAL VOL 1 TP ORPHAN OF THE CITY SHAFT (MR) $17.95
INU YASHA ANIME COMIC #15 $16.99
JINGLE BELLE COOL YULE TP $13.95
“Yule” Brenner finally gets some love from the comics.
JINGLE BELLE WINTER WINGDING ONE SHOT $2.95
I’m curious to see the artists Paul Dini’s got lined-up for this comic. JINGLE BELLE is sometimes pretty good. This one-shot has work from Warner Bros. animators, Spike Brandt and Tom Cervone. The three of them are working or were at one time working on a DUCK DODGERS series, based on the Daffy Duck shorts set in the 24th and ½ century. I like a lot of animation artists, so I’m curious how these guys take to comics…
JUGHEADS DOUBLE DIGEST #90 $3.29
KRAZY & IGNATZ LOVE LETTERS IN ANCIENT BRICK 1927-28 TP $14.95
Christ, that’s a great title for a Krazy Kat trade. Great, great title.
L33T COMICS FOR GAMERS #7 $4.95
LEGENDARY COUPLE GN #1 $13.95
LOVE & ROCKETS VOL 2 #1-4 PACK (MR) $15.75
MAGICAL POKEMON JOURNEY VOL 7 TP FROM THE HEART $13.95
MAX HAMM FAIRY TALE DETECTIVE #1 $4.95
Sliced Ham -- fairy tale lunch.
MEDABOTS PART 4 #3 (Of 4) $2.75
MODESTY BLAISE VOL 1 TP LIVE BAIT $19.95
MONKEY MAN UNLEASHED #2 (Of 3) $2.95
MONTHLY COMIC DRAGON OCT 2002 $12.50
MONTHLY MAGAZINE Z NOV 2002 $9.99
NEGATION #12 $2.95
NHS SWIMSUIT SPECIAL 2002 $4.50
NIGHTMARES AND FAIRY TALES #3 $2.95
Fables, Max Hamm, Nightmares and Fairy Tales -- how old are you people? Ucchhh…
NIJYUEI ILLUS SC (A) $44.99
PANTHA #1 TEXEIRA GOLD FX CHROME CVR ED VAMPIRELLA #7 $39.95
PHOENIX SQUARE TP (STAR14499) $16.95
PIFITOS UNKNOWN LOST POEM OF HOMER GN (STAR13374) (MR) $9.95
POUNDED TP (MR) $8.95
I don’t know if I ever mentioned it before, but this is seriously just an awful, awful comic book. Good art from Steve Rolston, who I think is a really talented artist, but man... I hear nice things about the new Brian Wood book occasionally, the FIGHT FOR TOMMOROW, but this… this got on my bad side for some reason. Well, the reason probably being its BAD.
PROJECT ARMS PART 1 #3 (Of 16) $3.25
RADIOACTIVE MAN #106 $2.50
RAGNAROK MANGA #2 $11.99
RANMA 1/2 PART 11 #9 (OF 11) $2.95
RAPTURE #3 (MR) $2.75
SAINT LEGEND GN #1 $13.95
SHIDIMA #7 $2.95
SIGIL #30 $2.95
SLUT GIRL #1-6 SET (O/A) (A) $23.50
Oh, thank god, a complete set. I hate missing an episode and then having to go store to store, asking “Do you have SLUT GIRL?” Because I’m Indian-American -- I was raised in Ohio, but for all the people at the store know, I’m just some befuddled immigrant who wants to get laid. “Do you have SLUT GIRL? I need SLUT GIRL. I see BAYWATCH on TV in Mumbai, so I come to California. Where is the SLUT GIRL, dammit? I kill you, you bastard!” That girl on BAYWATCH ended up strung out on coke, incidentally -- the Yasmine Bleeth? Giant cokehead, apparently.
SOJOURN #17 $2.95
SPIDER DLX HC SCAVENGERS OF SLAUGHTERED SACRIFICES $34.95
SPRIGGAN MANGA #7 $23.99
STEAM DETECTIVES MANGA #8 $18.99
STRAY BULLETS #27 (MR) $3.50
You know, I used to hate the Amy Racecar issues, but those are my favorite issues of this comic now. I enjoy those more than the regular ones.
SUPERNATURAL LAW #36 (Note Price) $2.95
TINTIN IN THE CONGO HC NEW PTG $19.95
TRANSFORMERS GENERATION ONE #5 2ND PRTG (PU#543) $2.95
TUKIHIME FANTASY MANGA #1 $18.99
UNUSUAL U #3 $2.99
VAMPI #3 DLX ED (O/A) $9.95
VAMPIRE THE MASQUERADE GN CALEBROS (MR) $5.95
VAMPIRELLA RETRO #1-3 SET $9.95
WEAPONS OF THE GODS GN #2 $13.95
WEEKLY JUMP 9-25-02 $4.99
WEEKLY SHONEN MAG 10-04-02 $4.99
WEEKLY SHONEN MAG 10-11-02 $4.99
WEEKLY SHONEN MAG 9-20-02 $4.99
WEEKLY SHONEN MAG 9-27-02 $4.99
WILDERNESS MANGA #1 $10.99
ZOIDS GN NEW CENTURY $9.95
CONCLUSION
Well, before I dance on out of here, I want to wish Michael Doran luck at his new position at Marvel Comics.
Michael Doran, years ago, started packaging together as much news as he could put together about what was going on in comics, and put it out for the fans on the Internet. And that eventually evolved into to Moviepoopshoot’s sister site, Newsarama, which for years has been the best resource for news in comics (and despite some absolutely TERRIFIC competition right now from ComicBookResources and Comicon’s the PULSE, I would argue is still the best).
Newsarama’s still going strong, but Doran’s moving on to be the Marketing Communications Manager at Marvel.
So, thanks to Doran for all the hard work over the years, which I’ve obviously gotten a lot of laughs out of (intentionally or no), and best of luck to him in his new position.
Okay, that’s week 20 down. Man, if I can pull six more weeks out of my ass, that’ll be a half a year of this bullshit. How the fuck has this gotten this out of hand? Fuck, I need a new hobby…
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