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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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Breakdowns - It Makes No Difference

January 16, 2003

“There is no love
As true as the love
That dies untold”

The Band – It Makes No Difference
Written by Robbie Robertson

Sometimes the stars align and the column is filled with a wealth of unique, diverse, excellent and even important books, and sometimes not. The fact that I’m reviewing two SUPERMAN books in I don’t know how long may be a clue that nothing really significant came out. But don’t worry about it; I review other things besides what came out last week, and even the most mainstream work can sparkle.

Oh, and much as I hate to do it, you’ll have to wait another week for a GRENDEL SAGA installment. It’s partially done but I’m already late turning this in and don’t want to rush it, especially as it’s one of the best GRENDEL stories ever, DEVILS AND DEATHS by Darko Macan and Edvin Biukovic. Next week, I promise. This week it’s capes, gorilla spies, flowers and pint-sized monsters.

SUPERMAN: THE 10 CENT ADVENTURE by Steven T. Seagle, Scott McDaniel and Andy Owens. DC Comics. $.10

“This isn’t ‘your’ city! It’s our city! Humanity’s city!”

Look at the cover, and you’ll see that Scott McDaniel has somehow appropriated years of study of Frank Miller’s macho expressionistic art and come up somehow with a Clark Kent who is doe-eyed, jowly and effeminate. This looks like a job for LESBIAN. To compensate, he makes Lois Lane the masculine one, and everyone else has faces roughly the size and shape of paper grocery bags, and with about as much character. I tolerated his work on Ed Brubaker’s BATMAN run, but because McDaniel is honestly not bad at depicting a shadowy city. He doesn’t get to do that in Metropolis, and despite the enthusiastic coloring, his action stuff is dull. And unfortunately, the quiet scenes lack impact, given his limited ability at facial expressions for his ugly potato people. Let’s face it; Superman is the ultimate hero, and the ultimate hero needs to look good, and not like the Fed-Ex guy who delivers to your office. The splash page’s Supes is posed strangely in mid-air, with such a hostile but empty expression that you just know you’re in trouble from that point on.

And it’s a shame, because given the right artist, Seagle’s script would have made for an almost adequate issue. DC once again blows any small opportunity for reader growth in a direct-only near-giveaway issue promotion by starting with a poorly conceived story. If you want to hook ‘em, wouldn’t you pull out all the stops and give us a standalone Superman/Brainiac battle? A 99% self-contained story with some subplots begun and a nice little teaser at the end? The teaser is there, but man, is it a non-event, so I won’t waste a single penny for you. The rest involves an intentionally lame villain named Amok who is never a threat to Superman; in fact he’s just a distraction before the real villains roll out what I guess is their weapon of choice. So the inescapable feeling is of a dearth of ideas, of toying with the readers and offering as little value as possible for that thin dime. Some critics I respect have excused the dumb story because it’s “not for us, it’s for kids.” Well, show me any kids in a comic shop buying anything but RPG cards or Heroclix, and we’ll talk. The audience for this book has been late teens and up since I was a late teen, and if you’re marketing for kids, wouldn’t you, oh, I dunno…not use a predominantly black cover? If kids are really into seeing a middle-aged man taking off his business suit in the dark, they can just stay up late and wait for Daddy to come home.

But lest you think this was a totally worthless issue, Seagle does write one good, surprising scene, where Perry White confronts Clark with his missing passport, found by a Daily Planet janitor some time ago. Meaning, how has globetrotting reporter Kent gotten into all these countries? Excusing the possible argument that Clark wouldn’t have been that careless, there’s real tension and interest in this scene, and it’s too bad the rest of the issue is such a misfire.

SUPERMAN & BATMAN: GENERATIONS 3 #1 (OF 12) by John Byrne. DC Comics. $2.95

“I can make you forget there was an invasion from the 30th century.”

A new Byrne book means another bad review, right? Well, no, not really. The first GENERATIONS miniseries was, to my mind, quite successful creatively, a fun and yet, at times, even grim family saga that found Byrne stretching himself to write worthy stories for a multitude of characters, and drawn in homage to prevalent superhero art styles from the 30s onward. The second one was pretty good but not quite as good, so the challenge is to see what he does in this longer but choppier format, the 22 page monthly maxiseries, as opposed to four volumes of 48 pagers. It’s a credit to DC and loyal friend and editor Mike Carlin that he’s even allowed to set this first issue in 1925 Smallville, Kansas, with Superboy as the only costumed hero (aside from an important appearance by Saturn Girl), and Bruce Wayne an active participant but years away from putting on the cowl of Batman. It’s an alien invasion story, the aliens looking suspiciously like Hunger Dogs from Apokolips, and Saturn Girl has traveled back in time to prevent the annihilation of Earth, which would of course nullify her existence and everyone she knows. It’s not a deep or particularly unusual tale, but Byrne invests quite a bit of effort in it, giving attention and brief but good scenes to even supporting characters like Lana Lang and Wayne’s butler Pennyworth, the father of Alfred, who at the time had spurned the family business for a theatrical career. I also frankly like how Byrne, in this issue and the previous LAB RATS, is letting more of that dark side we know from his message board into his work, with an increasing tendency to kill characters for dramatic effect. His story structure is quite conventional, so he can get away with these bleak undertones with apparently few people noticing, but I find it quite interesting. Also, while I maintain his dialogue rings really false in contemporary stories, it’s not really a problem in these period pieces, where the English was more polite and rigid, so he’s really playing to his strengths and against his weaknesses. Good work here, and certainly no one could complain about lack of detail in the art, which is good throughout, and features some of his thickest, most confident linework in years.

THE ANNOTATED MANTOOTH! by Matt Fraction, Andy Kuhn and Tim Fisher. AiT/PlanetLar. $12.95

“Let the poets pipe of love
In their jealous way
I know every type of love
Better far than they

If you want the thrill of love
I’ve been through the mill of love
Old love
New love
Every one but true love…”

Cole Porter – Love For Sale

I was in Target on an evening a couple weeks ago, picking up a cheap, unassembled bookshelf unit for my son’s room, so that instead of the untidy wicker and canvas bin, there would now be proper display for the MAISY box set, the Seusses, the Eric Carles, and, oddly enough, Jerry Seinfeld’s HALLOWEEN. And I like Target, who spend millions on hip ads and sufficient track lighting, as opposed to the Marts of Wal and K.

So, before I go to the checkout, I always stop by the Audio/Video department, to see if some or other new dvd or cd is on sale. Usually, it’s nothing a Best Buy can’t beat, but if you’re in the mood for uplifting 80s sports movies, might I suggest RUDY or HOOSIERS, each just $7.99 for a limited time?

Just so you know, in the inky blue depths of my mind, I think I see a way to connect this to something related to MANTOOTH!, but right now the answer is ASK AGAIN LATER.

So I see this guy, white, nondescript, holding a copy of the two-disc dvd version of THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING: THE VERSION THAT’S FINE FOR MOST PEOPLE BUT REALLY, JUST WAIT A COUPLE MONTHS AND GET THE FOUR-DISC FOR LIKE SEVEN DOLLARS MORE: SEVEN DOLLARS: FUCK RUDY AND HOOSIERS:!, and he’s obviously weighing his purchase, and I want to give him that crucial info above, although I see the store is out of stock of the four-disc. And I’m weighing my own decision: actually talk to a stranger for selfless reasons, or don’t? I figured, well, hell, what kind of writer would I be not engaging in conversation with people, hearing what the common man thinks and feels? The stories of the street are mine, and I’m living in a tower of song.

So I give the guy the lowdown, and I see right away it was a mistake. “Yeah, well, I guess I’ll have to wait on that.” IDIOT! Do you HAVE to see it tonight?! Just get the longer one somewhere else, and get all this cool shit for just seven more dollars ($22.99 vs. $29.99, commonly). And I tell him this, but softer. Not Julie London soft, just softer in tone, with a faux-compassionate, soy milk of human kindness way. And then, trouble, because he starts asking me “what else is good” on the dvd rack. I mean, not that it’s a huge or representative selection of cinema here—studio films from the past year or so, and some new-to-dvd oldies. But still, it’s a lot of different movies, what am I supposed to say? Should he get REIGN OF FIRE over LOTR: TFOTR? Well, no. And so we played this tedious game, with me suggesting some decent film I noticed for sale, like INSOMNIA, and he either having seen it already or showing no interest. And I guess it was like the face-to-face version of what I and some other reviewers go through, extolling the virtues of an UZUMAKI or KRAZY KAT or LOWLIFE to people (not you people, of course) who will only take notice when one reviews AVENGERS or something.

Choose one of these to segue’ from self-indulgent nonsense above to actual review of book:

  • But we put in the effort anyway, and this is what Matt Fraction does, investing this year’s ape comic with as much wit, irreverence and ‘splosions as one book can take.
  • But if MANTOOTH! was a movie on dvd, Target guy would only need to see the cover and his decision would be made.
  • But the AVENGERS haven’t had Adolf Hitler in the comic for years!
  • But the Fraction/Kuhn/Fisher labor is one of uninhibited, sizzling pepper steak of love, and that love is now for sale (tying it all the way back to the lyrics at the beginning of the review, “Love For Sale” by Cole Porter.
  • But certain Native American tribes would make a squaw’s infedility known by cutting a slit in her nose, symbolizing the part of the body that got her in trouble, for all to see.

    Yes, with ear-piercing fanfare and just a soupcon of good sense, Larry Young has collected the three half-issue REX MANTOOTH! KUNG-FU GORILLA stories from the defunct (o-tron) book DOUBLE TAKE and, since that would make for a very slim book, alternated each page of comics with its corresponding page of script, with annotations by Fraction that are funnier than the comics itself. In a fairly hilarious bit of overkill, there is an Introduction by (drunken) Warren Ellis, Foreword by (drugged) Joe Casey, Preface by (sober?) Greg Rucka, and a Note from (simian fetish specialty) publisher Larry Young.

    The comics themselves are spy spoofs, toying with the well-worn conventions of James Bond with the addition of zombies, who are always fun to bring to the party. If you’re looking for a finely crafted tale of suspense, look elsewhere, but Fraction works very hard to entertain, with gag after gag—much of which work famously--and some brief but enjoyable action scenes. It seems the basic premise was given to him by Young, and Fraction attacks it. After the underachievement of SKY APE, also from AiT, it seems Young has subcontracted the construction of a better mousetrap. Kuhn’s artwork is entirely appropriate, capturing gorilla body language and clearly conveying action even in overpopulated panels. At times, he seems to rebel against the wordy script, dropping some good bits along the way while in a couple cases improving on the text, and “process junkies” will enjoy the way Fraction conveys both his appreciation for Kuhn’s efforts and his understandable disappointment when scenes are dropped or drastically changed. It all works out all right, though, and stands as a strong, witty debut, and the design/gimmick of the thing is priceless.

    WHITE FLOWER DAY by Steven Weissman. Fantagraphics Books. $14.95

    “Well, I just thought we were gonna do fun stuff, like experiment and junk. But all they do is sit around and TALK!”

    Look at the cover scan to the right of this review, and you’ll get a pretty good indication that this is a very, very cute strip, but with a little bit of an edge to it. Hey, the girl’s got snakes in her hair.

    This is the latest collection of TYKES stories, and the first I’ve read, and as you can see, the artistic influence of Charles Schulz is certainly felt, but Weissman brings a very different sensibility to his series. First, while he shares with Schulz a respect for children and their ability to deal with sophisticated concepts, Weissman’s characters speak much closer to their actual age. Also, well, there is a darker tone here, since some of the characters are in fact young versions of classic monsters. Li’l Bloody is a vampire, but otherwise a decent kid, if a bit of a prankster. X-Ray Spence has glasses that do just what you wanted them to when you sent away for them, though there’s nothing lewd about it. And Pullapart Boy was assembled by his scientist father out of child cadavers. But don’t hold it against him.

    The first story, “I Saw You,” is my favorite and the best one with which to open. Pullapart Boy is jealous of his cousin College Boy, upon whom his father dotes and with whom he has more in common, since College Boy is also a scientist. There’s some very subtle storytelling here, with Pullapart Boy seeing College Boy as condescending and cruel, whereas it appears to the reader that College Boy actually goes out of his way to be nice, trying to involve P.B. in one of his experiments, despite College Boy being so much smarter than P.B. as to be nearly incompatible. As kids, and adults, we are ready to hate someone at the drop of a hat, and often looking for excuses to feel sorry for ourselves.

    “White Flower Day,” involves Kid Medusa inviting some kids to a surprise party, only to reveal herself and turn them to stone. I wasn’t clear whether this was some sort of revenge for being spurned by them before (and not allowed in school), or if she was so lonely she couldn’t help taking the risk. Either way one interprets it, it’s as good an introduction as any to this world, with these strange creatures coexisting with humans and having the same needs for friendship and love. Weissman’s art is captivating, and the two-color process and slightly rough edge to his line are clear indicators that this isn’t your average, mass-appeal strip. “Look Out For Big Della” is both amusing and touching, alternating an exploration of the delicate balance of childhood friendships with an anecdote about a horse and a bear cub, and the overdone Western dialogue of the cowboy/cowgirl duo the “Li’l Tin Stars” is a crack-up. Highly recommended comics for around age 8 and up.

    MAGIC WORDS by Alan Moore, Art Brooks and Various. Avatar Press. $6.95

    “Time has stained you.
    Put on your gowns of white.
    There are angels in you.”

    I’m of the opinion that in 99% of cases, bringing a new Alan Moore publication into existence is almost a noble act, but in this case, it seems the impetus behind this project was less about bringing Moore’s old song lyrics back to life in a different medium, and more about putting out a book with Moore’s name on it. Don’t get me wrong; it’s put together pretty well. “The Hair of the Snake That Bit Me” is sort of a “Magical Mystery Tour” type of invitation to step right up and be part of Moore’s world for a little while, as adapted into script by Art Brooks and drawn with some lovely gray tones by Sergio Bleda, but it quickly points out the limitations of this project. Namely, there are no real stories, and no characters. Oh, there are interesting settings and wisps of character, from the cybersex gal in Juan Jose Ryp’s lush and oily “14.2.99” to the bizarre future of “Leopard Man at C & A,” where technology melds with a culture worshipping animal attributes, illustrated by Martin Caceres. But as visually compelling as these are, and as memorable as Moore’s lyrics to “Town of Lights” and “Fires I Wish I’d Seen” are, it’s difficult to make a real connection to any of the material. It’s a nice looking collection of Moore words you would have a hard time finding elsewhere (with a handy discography and essay on Moore’s music by Antony Johnston), with some good, varied art, and that’s it.

    MY OWN LITTLE EMPIRE by Scott Mills. AdHouse Books. $9.95
    Although promoted as his most autobiographical work, Mills’ new graphic novel is rather a mild-mannered but sweet one-night story that plays like AMERICAN GRAFITTI set in the early 90s, Morrissey substituting for 50s rock and roll as emotional soundtrack. The young Scott pines for a girl who loves a jerk, and he gets involved with some silly misadventures with his friends, one of them involving his first acid trip.

    While it’s a familiar story, Mills does well with it, obviously remembering his youth with an amusement readers can appreciate. The pretensions of the previous TRENCHES World War I graphic novel are gone, and while I’m still not convinced he has much to say, what’s here is nonetheless entertaining and capably executed.

    REHABILITATING MR. WIGGLES by Neil Swaab. $12.95
    Neil: “Someone asked me the other day if I wanted to have kids. I did when I was younger, but now I’m not so sure.”

    Mr. Wiggles: “Well, you know how I feel about kids. I could take ‘em or leave ‘em.”

    Neil: “And by ‘take ‘em’ you mean, ‘abduct them off the streets,’ and by ‘leave ‘em’ you mean, ‘leave them broken and bloodied on the side of the road’?”

    Mr. Wiggles: “Tell anyone and I’ll cut ya.”

    As I hope my reviews of other sometimes outrageous comics like MAAKIES or ANGRY YOUTH COMIX show, I can laugh at some pretty tasteless jokes, and respect artists for holding no cows sacred. But there’s a difference between that and figuratively taking calves and forcibly and repeatedly sodomizing them. This is a 70 page collection of Swaab’s edgy newspaper strip about a sleazy, alcoholic teddy bear, Mr. Wiggles, and his friend Neil, a cartoonist, whom we may infer bears some resemblance to Swaab. The art is good, a little Dave Cooperish, and the premise is fine. In fact, I do like that this horrible stuffed animal wears such a blank, guileless expression as he conveys such ugly thoughts. And sure, I laughed at quite a bit of this, and some of it is tame relationship stuff, differences between men and women stuff, etc. But how many pedophilia jokes can one take before it goes from just dark humor to the reader wondering what trauma plagues the creator’s psyche, and how far away does he live from you and your kids, or any kids? The jokes about setting dogs on fire and torturing senior citizens didn’t really help, either.

    THE YELLOW JAR by Patrick Atangan. NBM Publishing. $12.95

    “But the demon Hoso No Kami is too fierce a warrior. He has turned me pale in fear.”

    Patrick Atangan has quietly debuted with one of the most beautifully realized first efforts I’ve ever seen. This first volume adapts two traditional Japanese stories, with more Asian adaptations to follow, stories from China, the Philippines and elsewhere, with artwork presumably to follow respective traditions, as this book is illustrated in the Japanese ukiyo-e (world of floating pictures) style.

    “The Yellow Jar” finds a humble fisherman finding a beautiful jar with a sleeping princess inside. He is actually somewhat disappointed, hoping for treasure, but soon realizes a wife is a pretty useful thing to have. He tells her her jar floated away one day, leaving her essentially stranded, unable to go out into the world to find another mate. Secretly, he’s buried it. She agrees to marry him, on the one condition that he never lie to her, but of course the marriage is already based on a lie. It’s a tough life for a princess, filled with scullery and chores, but she does grow to love the fisherman. But when she finds the jar, she leaves him, and it’s then that he realizes how much he loves her. He sets sail on his romantic quest to find her and win her back, only to learn she is being held by a demon, Hoso No Kami. The happy ending is expected, but the route there is unusual, with the sad tales of the wife’s first and second husbands, an elephant and an ox, the fisherman not able to beat the demon and the wife’s supernatural tear ducts providing the solution. It’s a rather mature, progressive theme—don’t take your wife for granted—for such an ancient tale.

    The other story, “Two Chrysanthemum Maidens,” is equally rich in its artwork, but the story doesn’t hold up as well. A gardener one day finds two beautiful chrysanthemums—one yellow, one white—blooming in his formerly bare Zen garden. They’re so beautiful the gardener is able to charge money for viewing them. Soon, it becomes apparent that the white flower is so superior and in such higher demand that the yellow, while beautiful, is a distraction, so it is moved. This causes the flowers, who are depicted as tiny maidens, to miss each other terribly. The yellow mum is neglected and almost dies during the harsh winter. Fortunately, a man who prefers the yellow buys it and nurses it back to health. It’s a curiously unsatisfying story, though, as the emotional problem of the flowers being separated was not resolved, and the gardener’s exploitation and neglect was not punished in any way. It reminds me of Will Eisner’s adaptation of THE PRINCESS & THE FROG in its lack of modern relevance, and stands in contrast to the timelessness of the first story. But throughout, the extravagant but perfectly controlled artwork is beautiful and authentic, with Atangan proving nearly as capable an adaptor of ancient classics as P. Craig Russell, a strong influence who provides the book’s Introduction.

    Full Bleed – The Big’Uns of 2003 #1 – Drawn & Quarterly

    A lot of people do columns looking at Diamond Distribution’s PREVIEWS catalog, telling you what you might want to preorder. And that’s a good thing, because lots of great small-press books live or die by preorders. But I wanted to do something a little different here and look at some publisher’s catalogs of books on the slate for later this year, not yet available for order. These are some books I think will be fairly important, or at least, probably pretty damn good. We’ll start with Drawn & Quarterly and might have to look at other publishers next week. Oh, and D&Q’s site is being updated, so you can’t get this info there. This is from the printed Spring 2003 catalog.

    THE ACME NOVELTY DATEBOOK by Chris Ware - Yeah, you’d think Fantagraphics would have this one, but for whatever reason, no. It’s a companion volume to JIMMY CORRIGAN; not a story, but a sketchbook completed during the years he worked on the graphic novel. Should be nicely designed, but is in fact even more expensive than CORRIGAN at $39.95 for 120 pages. I would say that makes it for Ware completists, but I guess I am one.

    PAUL HAS A SUMMER JOB by Michel Rabagliati - Second graphic novel from this Eisner-nominated French cartoonist. I love his art, just haven’t read the first one, PAUL IN THE COUNTRY, yet. I should rectify that. It’s $16.95 for a 152 page softcover.

    DRAWN & QUARTERLY SHOWCASE is a new anthology, 152 pages of original illustrated short stories from Kevin Huizenga, Anders Nilson and Nicolas Robel. None of them are familiar to me, but if they impressed publisher Chris Oliveros enough to commission the stories and start a new book, I’m interested.

    IT’S A GOOD LIFE IF YOU DON’T WEAKEN by Seth - Newly redesigned edition, so if you’re like me and have yet to get this highly regarded graphic novel, this is the time. 176 pp softcover, $19.95.

    And let’s wrap this week’s column up with an odd cover, the most recent issue of 2000 A.D. You’ll see that, as polite as they are, the British will push the boundaries of decorum in ways American comics wouldn't. I can't imagine any of our adventure comics featuring the hero aiming a gun at a baby, even a baby Alien.

    Stuff I’m Working On…

    I can’t promise all this for next week, but I’m reading or have read David Collier’s books, the first volume of CANNON GOD EXAXXION, BLAB! and all three volumes of FOOT SOLDIERS. I’ll also get around to more of The Pornhound soon.

    Chris Allen

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  • Addicted to Bad
    by Patrick Keller

    International Intrigue
    by Alison Veneto

    Nocturnal Admissions
    by D.K. Holm

    Strange Impersonation
    by Kim Morgan

    Trailer Park
    by Christopher Stipp




    New DVD Releases
    for April 11, 2006

    DVD Diatribe
    by D.K. Holm

    DVD Late Show
    by Christopher Mills




    Preachin' from the Longbox
    by Britt Schramm

    Should It Be a Movie?
    by Marc Mason

    New Comic Book Releases
    for April 12, 2006, 2006




    New CD Releases
    for April 11, 2006

    Music for the Masses
    by M.C. Bell




    TV Recommendations
    Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

    Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
    by Scott Bowden

    TV Pilot Review Archives
    by Chris Ryall



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